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She doesn't want it face to face? No kissing? Quick and get it out of the way, but she does love you? She may be struggling with sexual orientation issues, guilt about her lack of desire, or a combination of things. I will tell you this. If you keep pushing her about it, things will end badly. discuss it with her once. Use "I" messages and make sure she knows how you feel. Don't hold back yur feelings. Honesty, communication, and respect.
Good luck and I wish you the best on this difficult situation.
How about asking her instead of guessing? Been doing that. Brush off responses
And what is your instinct as to the nature of the problem? What do you think the issue is? Lack of sexual interest with full love for me.
Was she ever super attracted to you? Yes and still appears to be.
Do you have excellent hygiene? Above and beyond.
Do you two have an emotional and spiritual bond? We consider and express that we are soulmates. Aside the sexual side, I see no reason to think otherwise?
Do you enjoy each other's company?
Friends? Yes and seek them out as much as possible.
Do you go out to dinner and get-away on weekends together? Yes we do. Could do more.
Do you share hobbies and goals? Yes
Are there any unresolved issues between you? No, we have a great relationship with communication. We think alike on many decisions. We finish each others sentences and can make decisions for each other without the other there with total confidence.
She doesn't want it face to face? No kissing? Quick and get it out of the way, but she does love you? She may be struggling with sexual orientation issues, guilt about her lack of desire, or a combination of things. I will tell you this. If you keep pushing her about it, things will end badly. discuss it with her once. Use "I" messages and make sure she knows how you feel. Don't hold back yur feelings. Honesty, communication, and respect.
Good luck and I wish you the best on this difficult situation.
I never push her. I can ask and she can say no, and it ends there. I would never force her into something she didnt want in any aspect.
Here is the problem. Sex to her over the past year is a quicky. She "enjoys it", but doesnt need to orgasm. We are talking a bend over, wham bam, etc. Very few times a month, maybe 1-2, does she want to take it to a level for her to orgasm. here is the problem, the intimacy is waning. I want long period of love making. I want it to take a while and enjoy it. I want her to have an orgasm. She just has no interest in that most of the time. Now I am not saying she doesnt satisfy my needs, she does. But she doesnt satisfy herself, which for me as a Man is hard to understand. Men cannot get 1/2 way there, stop, and feel good. But even more than that I feel selfish like its all about me. I want it to be about her. She doesnt reject my sexual needs, but she doesnt fulfill my need to make sure she is satisfied. (Going back up to the first paragraph, that is the kind of relationship we have had, I want to make sure she is happy). But knowing she isnt getting satisfaction in the end is a let down. It makes me feel so one sided. FYI her reaching orgasm isnt an issue either.
What adds to it is the quickys are not face to face. Its one position or another where we cannot kiss. When we are going for the long haul, she kisses, but doesnt for too long. Here is a bigger red flag. Long hauls usually are around the same time she has a few drinks. Not drunk, not even tipsy, just a night cap or two. I cant say she needs alcohol to have a long sexual experience, but it is far more common than not.
Coming back to the question, it makes me think. Can she be in absolute love with me, enjoys being with me, hugs me for 2 minutes when she comes home from work, cuddles with me on the couch, holds me in bed, looks me in the eyes and tells me she loves me, miss me, and everything else that goes in a relationship, but just not want to have sex that much? Is she caring for me so much that if she doesnt want too much sex she is just satisfying me because she does love me? I know her self esteem isnt as good as it should be and there may be a small fear of being alone.
Its almost like we dont have sex would be a way to describe how I feel. I want her to have the full experience, without it the experience isnt complete. Its one sided. That isnt my nature or my way. I care.
thoughts?
Sex and the motivation for sex is incredibly different between men and women. You cannot use a male perspective and even hope to understand what your wife is thinking or feeling.
I think you suspect there is a problem even though she is not telling you there is and seems to be happy with the current arrangement. If you have a hunch that the sexual scenarios are due to her being unhappy, then you need to go with that gut feeling and try to communicate with her and find out what the problem is and whether or not it is fixable. However, if you are simply looking at her sexual needs/behavior through a man's eyes, then you need to understand that she may be perfectly happy as things are.
If it is not broken, there is no need to fix it. Most men who read the OP will think... "At least she gives it up". Many, many women/wives do not.
You and she both say that everything is great, however, you suspect she doesn't fully and completely love you. That is a big issue in itself . . .so see if she will go to a counselor maybe . . . because there is something not working with your communication . . . you need to understand what exactly is going on . . .
The fact that she won't have face-to-face sex with you is weird. I wonder if you are pressuring her too much - people lose interest when one party is extremely demanding or needy. And yes, men who have to have sex every second are actually not studs but needy - most often looking to be Mommied themselves . . .needing that constant attention is not attractive to some, maybe most women.
If there is a natural chemical attraction, you both want each other . . . when it is one-sided it is a recipe for disaster and you have to find out the reason.
She seems like she might be passive-aggressive if she won't flat out tell you in a way that you can understand. If the issue is that you are too needy, she probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings so she "gives in" to shut you up . . .only it doesn't seem to work for long . . .
a) She's getting it somewhere else. She needs you for the family side but not for sex.
b) There's a chemical or psychological imbalance which severely limits her libido
c) she's not as happy with you or the marriage as you think
There are only so many possibilities.
Sex is a huge part of any healthy relationship ( so long as the parties are physically driven to have sex). It's an ingrained human trait; hard coded into every individual's DNA.
There's def something wrong (physically or psychologically)if an individual loses that drive. It's not normal and it is not fine. It might have nothing to do with you or the relationship but there's something wrong.
a) She's getting it somewhere else. She needs you for the family side but not for sex.
b) There's a chemical or psychological imbalance which severely limits her libido
c) she's not as happy with you or the marriage as you think
There are only so many possibilities.
Sex is a huge part of any healthy relationship ( so long as the parties are physically driven to have sex). It's an ingrained human trait; hard coded into every individual's DNA.
There's def something wrong (physically or psychologically)if an individual loses that drive. It's not normal and it is not fine. It might have nothing to do with you or the relationship but there's something wrong.
Yep. When a previously sexually compatible couple all of a sudden finds themselves incompatible it's worth the time and effort to identify the problem and fix it. Ignoring it will doom the marriage eventually.
Maybe YOU do...but respect that others dont. For some, being in a committed, loving relationship is the key. PS..The religion forum is down the hall on the left.
a) She's getting it somewhere else. She needs you for the family side but not for sex.
b) There's a chemical or psychological imbalance which severely limits her libido
c) she's not as happy with you or the marriage as you think
There are only so many possibilities.
Sex is a huge part of any healthy relationship ( so long as the parties are physically driven to have sex). It's an ingrained human trait; hard coded into every individual's DNA.
There's def something wrong (physically or psychologically)if an individual loses that drive. It's not normal and it is not fine. It might have nothing to do with you or the relationship but there's something wrong.
Women, typically lose their fertility in their late 40s and early 50s. In nature it would not make sense to continue having a sex drive beyond that point. Being in my mid-50s I have no interest in sex, and if anything I find the preoccupation that the rest of the world seems to have with it rather off-putting. I mean COME ON, in the grand scheme of things there are a great many more important things to think about.
Your implication that not having an interest in sex is abnormal or indicates some kind of illness (physically or mental), is insulting and incorrect.
20yrsinBranson
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