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Old 07-03-2011, 11:33 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,345,638 times
Reputation: 40196

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLucky View Post
But we are talking about a sexual kind of love, not any love. Surely you don't have a LOT of people you love in that manner??
What ARE you talking about, I'm lost

There is not such thing as "sexual love". There is love. Couples who love one another generally like to express that love thru sexual intimacy. But when there is a problem, emotional or physical, one partner may lose the ability to engage in that kind of intimacy. Doesn't mean they don't love their partner anymore necessarily. It means there's an issue that needs to be addressed, plain and simple.
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Old 07-03-2011, 11:35 PM
 
2,013 posts, read 3,538,866 times
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I meant the kind of love people in relationships have, not loving your mom or your friend, that's all.
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Old 07-03-2011, 11:36 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,088,329 times
Reputation: 73913
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
What ARE you talking about, I'm lost

There is not such thing as "sexual love". There is love. Couples who love one another generally like to express that love thru sexual intimacy. But when there is a problem, emotional or physical, one partner may lose the ability to engage in that kind of intimacy. Doesn't mean they don't love their partner anymore necessarily. It means there's an issue that needs to be addressed, plain and simple.
100% TRUE FACT.
When I broke up with my ex, I didn't love her any less...but she was making me so mad and stressed out all the time that I lost respect for her and then subsequently lost any desire to be physically intimate with her.
But I still loved her. She was a good person with a kind heart...it killed me to hurt her, but I had to get out.
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Old 07-03-2011, 11:38 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,345,638 times
Reputation: 40196
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
100% TRUE FACT.
When I broke up with my ex, I didn't love her any less...but she was making me so mad and stressed out all the time that I lost respect for her and then subsequently lost any desire to be physically intimate with her.
But I still loved her. She was a good person with a kind heart...it killed me to hurt her, but I had to get out.
I've said it before, recently too on some other thread, once the respect is gone the relationship is all but over

I don't sense that our OP has lost any respect for his wife though. And she sure seems to think highly of him.
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Old 07-04-2011, 12:43 AM
 
Location: Chicago
38,707 posts, read 102,763,232 times
Reputation: 29967
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLucky View Post
What the heck are intimate issues anyway? To me it's simply one way or the other; you either love someone and so naturally you want to be intimate with them or you don't/no longer love them and do not want to be intimate with them. All this talk of loving someone but cannot be intimate with them doesn't make much sense to me..
Yeah, well, it happens.
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Old 07-04-2011, 12:48 AM
 
2,650 posts, read 3,004,909 times
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I have never seen a divorce go "amicably" to its end. l know a number who tried, none that did it. Not saying it doesn't happen as some have described but it is unlikely no matter the best intentions of both parties. Always seems to go to hell right about the time the stuff starts getting split up and things get real.

Another thought I have here is that most of us have tasted the O.P.s pain in one fashion or another when our love was not returned. I think we all know whether he admits it or not he is hoping in his heart that somehow something will save his love. Every day from now until the day he sees the end beyond all doubt he will hope and that hope will be dashed. I would not do this to a woman I didn't like let alone inflict this on one I loved and was best friends with. IMO if it is over it is over and it is time to limit the damage as much as possible. In other words carlito if you really care about him you will not want to hold his feet over the coals. You will let him go. And I sincerely hope you did not tell him you were doing this for him as you told us. He will see through it even as we did but for him it will be a shot through the heart.

To the OP, get an attorney. You need legal advice and you need it now. You do not have to avail yourself of it but you need to learn what exactly it is you are facing. I believe one of the first things that attorney will tell you is there is no such thing as an amicable divorce. Not kidding.
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Old 07-04-2011, 12:55 AM
 
27,957 posts, read 39,606,310 times
Reputation: 26197
Quote:
Originally Posted by crabman1 View Post
I have never seen a divorce go "amicably" to its end. l know a number who tried, none that did it. Not saying it doesn't happen as some have described but it is unlikely no matter the best intentions of both parties. Always seems to go to hell right about the time the stuff starts getting split up and things get real.

Another thought I have here is that most of us have tasted the O.P.s pain in one fashion or another when our love was not returned. I think we all know whether he admits it or not he is hoping in his heart that somehow something will save his love. Every day from now until the day he sees the end beyond all doubt he will hope and that hope will be dashed. I would not do this to a woman I didn't like let alone inflict this on one I loved and was best friends with. IMO if it is over it is over and it is time to limit the damage as much as possible. In other words carlito if you really care about him you will not want to hold his feet over the coals. You will let him go. And I sincerely hope you did not tell him you were doing this for him as you told us. He will see through it even as we did but for him it will be a shot through the heart.

To the OP, get an attorney. You need legal advice and you need it now. You do not have to avail yourself of it but you need to learn what exactly it is you are facing. I believe one of the first things that attorney will tell you is there is no such thing as an amicable divorce. Not kidding.
That is the truth right there. Also get things in writing. And sometimes it is best to go through a 3rd party instead of direct to keep things from getting any worse than they are.
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Old 07-04-2011, 07:20 AM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,665 posts, read 69,459,247 times
Reputation: 26726
Quote:
Originally Posted by carlitasway View Post
Anyway, I'm done. I've tried to explain even though I shouldn't have. Like I said in the first post, I don't expect most of you to understand since most of you are so damned bitter that you can't except that people can act like human beings in this sort of situation. Good luck to you guys because you need it.
I'm sorry you have such a very poor opinion of the people who've contributed to this thread. Admittedly a few have been a little crass but that's perfectly normal on any forum. I understand that you've decided not to participate in this discussion any further but personally I don't think either the manner in which you've decided or the words you've used reflect on you very well at all. If this is how you react then, with all due respect, I can understand why your marriage ended up in such a mess of non communication. Throwing out insults to all and sundry is really very rude and quite overboard.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SD4020 View Post
T ... get things in writing ... go through a 3rd party instead of direct to keep things from getting any worse than they are.


I hope the OP and his wife will see the wisdom of professional intervention and assistance via a third party. It seems pretty obvious that they (and it's interesting that they both contributed to this thread) are NOT on the same page as much as they think they are. I get the distinct feeling that they're listening to each other but not hearing.
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Old 07-04-2011, 09:20 AM
 
2,650 posts, read 3,004,909 times
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SD reminded me when he mentioned a 3rd party (good advice that) but have you two sought counseling? When marriages go south it can be hard to get unbiased advice and harder still to see clearly from the inside out. All the friends and relatives that you most count on will tend to take your side and most of what they know comes from you. With a bias built in and without the complete picture they cannot give you what you most need which is a clear view from which to make difficult decisions.
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Old 07-04-2011, 09:29 AM
 
Location: S.W.PA
1,360 posts, read 2,940,279 times
Reputation: 1047
I would caution against outside relationships until you separate. That could be difficult for the kids.
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