Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
title more or less says it all but some details could help. a female friend of mine has been dating / in a relationship with this guy since late Feb. / early March. as she describes him, she wanted to marry him the moment she went out with him (they met on match.com).
this past week another female friend of mine had decided to try the match.com approach and had a few different dates lined up for last friday and saturday. as she was describing the guy she was going out with for saturday my suspicions got stronger because everything she said about the guy - name, college, employer, age were all spot on with my other female friend's boyfriend. i held off on telling my friend who was suppose to go out with this guy this information until she ended up canceling the date anyways (her friday night date with another guy went so well she decided not to see this guy saturday). so yesterday at lunch i my friend that the guy who contacted her already has a GF who is my friend and i ask her for a few more details and then a picture. sure enough its his name last name and him.
my female friend who has been dating this guy for now 4 months is out of town starting last thursday and won't be back til next sunday. ironically enough the guy set up the date for like 48 hours after she left town. that rose my suspicions initially as well.
so now my dilemma. my one friend who was contacted by this guy wants nothing to do with him especially now. my other friend who has been dating this guy is head of heels in love with him as shes told me. they've been dating for 4 months now and apparently he's either still on match.com looking or has decided to get back on there for some reason and has started talking to other women.
first question is do i tell my friend this info and how? stay out of it altogether and let it all run its course. its really not my business obviously but she's a good friend, both girls are and here we have this guy who the one is madly in love with and he's trying to go after the other and i'm sure other girls as well.
I wouldnt say anything. If she is as in Love as you say the guy will just say sorry or make up some excuse and ur friend will take him back then the guy wont like you so ur friend will prob stop talking to you. Let her find out on her own. Im a guy and have done this before girl always comes back.
so now my dilemma. my one friend who was contacted by this guy wants nothing to do with him especially now. my other friend who has been dating this guy is head of heels in love with him as shes told me. they've been dating for 4 months now and apparently he's either still on match.com looking or has decided to get back on there for some reason and has started talking to other women.
Oh, Geez, I don't know... Normally I'm for staying out of such situations, but that's a good friend of yours... Would've been better if you never knew because your friendship may end regardless of whether you tell her or not (if she finds out later that you knew and didn't tell her).
If this girl was my best friend, I would tell her. Get together as much proof as possible and just give her the facts. After that, it's up to her. Don't be surprised if she keeps on dating this guy. It may be the end of your friendship but if you emphasize that you found out accidentally, it'll probably all work out. Does she know your other female friend? Maybe you should all meet for coffee and decide how to best handle this mess and make sure he goes down in flames?
I know it would be easier to say nothing.... But let's say they get married and have 2 kids. It's 3 years from now. She finds out he has been cheating all this time and leaves him. But you knew all along. She will probably have to move in with you till she gets her life straightened out.
There are times in life you have to decide what kind of friend you want to be. I always tell my friends what I think, no matter the consequences and expect them to do the same for me....that is why I TRUST them.
If you want your friendships to be based in trust you have to show her the information and let her make her own decision. Let her know you found out by accident (it is not like you were out to show that this guy is a dog), but don't want to keep things from her. If she stays away from you after that, then obviously she is willing to sacrifice anything just to keep pretending she is in love.
This is a situation that no friend wants to be in, but I think the previous poster is basically right: I think that it's a case where you really have to decide what the right thing to do is, and you just have to prepare yourself to accept the consequences, whatever they might be.
If it were just a casual friend, that might be one thing. I would probably just shrug and say, 'none of my business.' But if this is a good friend, I think I would at least steer her in the direction of the truth somehow. You might not necessarily have to tell her directly -- or then again, you just might have to. I don't know...certainly not a fun position to be in. But I think you need to decide what is right, and just go from there.
I couldn't say that I would blame you if you decided not to tell; it would be understandable if you didn't want to risk getting involved, and having to be right in the middle of all of the unpleasant business that comes with someone's dishonesty. It would take courage to do what you're thinking of doing, and not everyone is willing to subject themselves to that sort of drama. But in the long run, it might be for the best.
And if possible, get back at him by slapping him right across the face!
Not recommended. That could earn you an assault charge or a mouth full of knuckles - and rightly so. You might want to try anger management groups if this is your "solution."
Is your friend the type who will face the truth no matter how unpleasant or is she the type who sticks her head in the sand? If the first, then you should tell her b/c if she finds out later that you knew and didn't tell her, she'll think you're not a good friend. If she's a head in the sand type, then ignorance is bliss and you'd be better to keep quiet.
Do you know for sure if they're exclusive? Your friend may be a lot more fired up about the relationship than he is, but after 4 months he shouldn't be leading her on.
Send an anonymous email to your friend with a link to his match.com profile. Act dumb.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
it would be worse for your friend to be strung along any further!
