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Old 07-06-2011, 08:45 AM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,987 posts, read 10,413,442 times
Reputation: 10808

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Some men have so-called baggage. So do some women. The emphasis for each may be a little different, but it can complicate things or make some - of either gender - less appealing.

 
Old 07-06-2011, 09:08 AM
 
5,273 posts, read 14,462,414 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyski View Post
Ladies under 33, have you ever been on a date with a man who you thought was emotionally balanced only to find out during the date that he is guarded and jaded from being hung out to dry by the ex wife?

Do you notice how these men target relationships with attractive, young women who are independent, have never been married and have no kids.

Here is who they are: late 30's to mid 40′s, one or more kids, paying alimony, child support and college, ex wife left him with just the clothes on his back.

The worst attribute in these type of men is that they view us like the ex wife and think that we want their money, the little money that is left over after the ex wife got what she wanted. Many of us that are approached by these men own homes, have great careers, and are financially stable, yet they think we want their money. Really?

Should we date divorced men who pursue us, offering us very little, yet they have given their ex wives the world? Should we only date men who have never been married, have no alimony or child support to pay? That single guy who has never been married will more likely be emotionally balanced since he does not have to be a "financial well" for a woman and kids.

Over the decades I have noticed that about 98% of all divorces are 50/50 at fault between both people. As such, I have also noticed that it's not about "differences" or whatever, it's about 2 people who quit on each other. When I see people divorced I pretty much know they're quitters as a personality type.

So why should it be a surprise when someone has issues about dating a divorced person? There's a reason why that person is divorced. Accept it and either be with that person or not.

Now, to be sure, some people manage to stay married the second, third or fourth time. They learn to handle their, and their spouses short comings... But it doesn't alter the fact who divorce have character flaws they generally refuse to admit. I mean, after all, it's always the other person's fault.
 
Old 07-06-2011, 09:19 AM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,665 posts, read 69,334,145 times
Reputation: 26726
Quote:
Originally Posted by BLAZER PROPHET View Post
Now, to be sure, some people manage to stay married the second, third or fourth time.
Oh, so that's OK and perfectly acceptable in your book? I'm missing your point entirely.
 
Old 07-06-2011, 09:19 AM
 
27,957 posts, read 39,518,811 times
Reputation: 26197
Quote:
Originally Posted by BLAZER PROPHET View Post
Over the decades I have noticed that about 98% of all divorces are 50/50 at fault between both people. As such, I have also noticed that it's not about "differences" or whatever, it's about 2 people who quit on each other. When I see people divorced I pretty much know they're quitters as a personality type.

So why should it be a surprise when someone has issues about dating a divorced person? There's a reason why that person is divorced. Accept it and either be with that person or not.

Now, to be sure, some people manage to stay married the second, third or fourth time. They learn to handle their, and their spouses short comings... But it doesn't alter the fact who divorce have character flaws they generally refuse to admit. I mean, after all, it's always the other person's fault.
Not everyone who is divorced is a quitter either. Some will do anything and everything to work, when one party is dead set on divorce or displays an unwillingness to flex or contribute the marriage even the most resolute of people have to concede.
 
Old 07-06-2011, 09:47 AM
 
8,679 posts, read 15,205,851 times
Reputation: 15341
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyski View Post
Ladies under 33, have you ever been on a date with a man who you thought was emotionally balanced only to find out during the date that he is guarded and jaded from being hung out to dry by the ex wife?

Do you notice how these men target relationships with attractive, young women who are independent, have never been married and have no kids.

Here is who they are: late 30's to mid 40′s, one or more kids, paying alimony, child support and college, ex wife left him with just the clothes on his back.

The worst attribute in these type of men is that they view us like the ex wife and think that we want their money, the little money that is left over after the ex wife got what she wanted. Many of us that are approached by these men own homes, have great careers, and are financially stable, yet they think we want their money. Really?

Should we date divorced men who pursue us, offering us very little, yet they have given their ex wives the world? Should we only date men who have never been married, have no alimony or child support to pay? That single guy who has never been married will more likely be emotionally balanced since he does not have to be a "financial well" for a woman and kids.
I'll agree with those who say not all divorced men are the same, but for a different reason: It hasn't been my experience that they target never-married women. The pattern I've seen is that they're more after the kid-free.

I got divorced in my late 30s. No kids. Now I'm no raving beauty queen. I am okay. I'd say a 7. And lemme tellya, a 38-year-old divorcee who is okay, in decent shape, and has no kids is one hot commodity on the dating market for divorced men in the age group you describe, late 30s to mid 40s, especially the ones with kids. I tried online dating and the morning after I put profiles on Match and Yahoo (when Yahoo was separate), I had something like 65 emails, a good two-thirds of them genuine as I had been pretty clear in requesting that they indicate that they actually read my profile. I'd say about two-thirds of them were divorced and in their mid-40s.

That's not to say they aren't bitter. I did run into quite a few who were still letting their anger their ex-wives run their lives. But most of them were seeking women with whom they could identify, and that means divorced. I think they also figured that if some other guy deemed me worthy of asking for a lifelong commitment, then I must indeed be worthy of something "real." Yet they also figured that since I was divorced, I wasn't about to start clamoring for a ring any time soon, either. And I was old enough both to have a life of my own and to understand their responsibilities as parents.

They also loved, loved, loved that my divorce was amicable. Eventually the whole, "mine was like this, what was yours like" conversation would come up, and their reactions were almost comical. I could almost feel the tension whoosh out of them, big huge sigh of relief.

Which was actually a yellow flag because then I'd wonder if their own divorce was a mess and if there was any fallout.

Of course, a lot of them hit on women in their 20s but--and this is going to sound terrible--those are more for fun. Others may have different experiences, but when there is a large pool of women from which to choose, like in an urban environment, I think it more likely that when it comes to the long term or marriage, divorced men in their 40s with kids are going to stick with women closer to their age for their kids' sake. I don't know many divorced 45-year-olds with kids who are keen on introducing a 25-year-old as a potential step-mom.

So if I were you, I'd either stick closer to my age or avoid the divorced guys.
 
Old 07-06-2011, 09:51 AM
 
5,273 posts, read 14,462,414 times
Reputation: 5880
Quote:
Originally Posted by STT Resident View Post
Oh, so that's OK and perfectly acceptable in your book? I'm missing your point entirely.
If you missed my point there's no hope for you.
 
Old 07-06-2011, 09:51 AM
 
1,446 posts, read 3,538,306 times
Reputation: 603
It's better than a married man who says, "I will divorce my wife" for 7 years.
 
Old 07-06-2011, 09:52 AM
 
5,273 posts, read 14,462,414 times
Reputation: 5880
Quote:
Originally Posted by SD4020 View Post
Not everyone who is divorced is a quitter either. Some will do anything and everything to work, when one party is dead set on divorce or displays an unwillingness to flex or contribute the marriage even the most resolute of people have to concede.
Uh-huh.

You just proved my point.
 
Old 07-06-2011, 09:55 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,024,077 times
Reputation: 22274
I don't think that most divorced men fit the OP's description. And there are plenty of bitter men (and women) out there that haven't been divorced. Most of the bitter people here on C-D aren't divorced - although they do tend to talk about it all the time!
 
Old 07-06-2011, 09:59 AM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,665 posts, read 69,334,145 times
Reputation: 26726
Quote:
Originally Posted by BLAZER PROPHET View Post
If you missed my point there's no hope for you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BLAZER PROPHET View Post
Uh-huh.

You just proved my point.
The one-liner retorts are most illuminating. So much for "forum" and "debate".
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