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Old 07-06-2011, 11:51 AM
 
112 posts, read 191,533 times
Reputation: 154

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Good grief, could you paint men with any broader of a brush?
Good point. It is just shy of saying, "All men are pigs".

 
Old 07-06-2011, 12:03 PM
 
Location: Earth
24,620 posts, read 28,190,594 times
Reputation: 11416
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyski View Post
Ladies under 33, have you ever been on a date with a man who you thought was emotionally balanced only to find out during the date that he is guarded and jaded from being hung out to dry by the ex wife?

Do you notice how these men target relationships with attractive, young women who are independent, have never been married and have no kids.

Here is who they are: late 30's to mid 40′s, one or more kids, paying alimony, child support and college, ex wife left him with just the clothes on his back.

The worst attribute in these type of men is that they view us like the ex wife and think that we want their money, the little money that is left over after the ex wife got what she wanted. Many of us that are approached by these men own homes, have great careers, and are financially stable, yet they think we want their money. Really?

Should we date divorced men who pursue us, offering us very little, yet they have given their ex wives the world? Should we only date men who have never been married, have no alimony or child support to pay? That single guy who has never been married will more likely be emotionally balanced since he does not have to be a "financial well" for a woman and kids.
Wow, your post is as bitter and generalizing as the statements you make about men.
Why do you assume that men feel that way? I've dated divorced guys for decades, they're no different from divorced women.

If you want to eliminate 50% of the dating public, knock yourself out.
 
Old 07-06-2011, 12:09 PM
 
112 posts, read 191,533 times
Reputation: 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyski View Post
...he is guarded and jaded from being hung out to dry by the ex wife?
Some guys are naive wusses. Milk toast 'men' who think that giving the wife everything is noble and a forgone conclusion so they might as well pack their clothes in a garbage bag(they leave the luggage for the wife) and go to the nearest Y to cry on their cot. The wife ran them around during the marriage and are still run around by her.

However... that is not everyone.

Some manage to negotiate a divorce that is in the best interests of the kids.
Some have the ability to see a bigger picture.
Some just married weak helpless immature women and have grown tired of their clingy whinny crying about every little problem and they got out.
There is no end of permutations including guys who are jerks.

So to me the real question is... why are you attracted to or finding yourself dating the undesirables? What is it in these guys that you are finding attractive and why are you not seeing any clues that these guys are not suitable(for you)?

And yes, avoiding divorced men may be what you need to do but I bet you will end up with the same sort of never-married guy but won't know it until your first divorce.

WC
 
Old 07-06-2011, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Land of Free Johnson-Weld-2016
6,470 posts, read 16,326,666 times
Reputation: 6518
I briefly dated a divorced man, once. It didn't turn into anything serious, though. Hmm based on the divorced guys I know, I guess I would think twice about marrying a divorced guy since:
1. I would be upset if his kids interfered with my enjoyment of life.
2. If he had handsome teenaged sons, problems might ensue.
3. His ex-wife may cause problems for me.

But honestly the majority of the divorced guys I have met seem to be better off financially than the wives. I guess their earning potential is so much greater than women's in general, that they managed to buy new houses, rebuild their savings etc...it seems to be more difficult for women to do the same. Or maybe the women are just used to being dependent?

Based on what I see, women tend to want to stay married, so I would wonder why the wife wanted to divorce him...I don't know I would personally shy away from a divorced guy. Like that guy who married Paulina Rubio said after he broke up with the Duchess of Montoro, "porque meterse in lios?"
 
Old 07-06-2011, 01:40 PM
 
1,413 posts, read 3,039,682 times
Reputation: 1367
According to numerous threads on here, any man who's never been married by 35 is emotionally damaged and afraid of commitment.

So pick your poison I guess.
 
Old 07-06-2011, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
14,229 posts, read 29,913,388 times
Reputation: 27684
Gender doesn't matter at all. Both men and women are hurt in divorce and it colors their outlook on future relationships. They are likely to be much more careful the second time around.

This thread could just as easily ask if divorced women are worth dating.

We need to be mature and philosophical enough to stop judging everyone based on our previous bad relationship. Just because Judy and Mark stink on ice doesn't mean that Pam and Steve do too. Or all women/men.
 
Old 07-06-2011, 02:52 PM
 
3,588 posts, read 5,705,916 times
Reputation: 4790
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyski View Post
Ladies under 33, have you ever been on a date with a man who you thought was emotionally balanced only to find out during the date that he is guarded and jaded from being hung out to dry by the ex wife?

Do you notice how these men target relationships with attractive, young women who are independent, have never been married and have no kids.

Here is who they are: late 30's to mid 40′s, one or more kids, paying alimony, child support and college, ex wife left him with just the clothes on his back.

The worst attribute in these type of men is that they view us like the ex wife and think that we want their money, the little money that is left over after the ex wife got what she wanted. Many of us that are approached by these men own homes, have great careers, and are financially stable, yet they think we want their money. Really?

Should we date divorced men who pursue us, offering us very little, yet they have given their ex wives the world? Should we only date men who have never been married, have no alimony or child support to pay? That single guy who has never been married will more likely be emotionally balanced since he does not have to be a "financial well" for a woman and kids.
IMO, A divorced man who has resolved his emotional issues towards his ex wife AND given himself enough time to heal before getting back on the market could turn out to be a diamond in the rough. He has experienced the joys of marriage and once he heals, he could be looking for another wife. Let me reiterate though, he has to get rid any bitterness and guardedness. And that can take quite a while for some people.
 
Old 07-06-2011, 04:18 PM
 
Location: Lewisville, TX
180 posts, read 407,766 times
Reputation: 148
i'm 33 years old, divorced, and have a 6 year old daughter... i'm not jaded... and, in fact, i don't "target" that group of people you're mentioning.
 
Old 07-06-2011, 04:43 PM
 
235 posts, read 835,617 times
Reputation: 286
Quote:
Originally Posted by Java378 View Post
It's better than a married man who says, "I will divorce my wife" for 7 years.
Absolutely! I'm paraphrasing, but that song-and-dance goes kinda like this: "My wife and I are getting divorced. We aren't separated yet, but we will be. We're still living in the same house, but I will get my own place once we're separated. No date for the separation yet, but that's where it's headed."

Back on topic: I read an advice columnist who said women shouldn't date a man who has been divorced for less than a year. If the man is recently separated, or still working out the legal stuff, or if they haven't yet dated someone else post-marriage, then they should be avoided, because they likely haven't worked through their emotional baggage yet. The man may be convinced that he's ready to move on, but I can see where someone who's been out of the dating scene for a few years would need to get out there and get back into it, before they'd be ready for a serious relationship with anybody new.

I think it's tough for divorced men because they're expected, or they expect, that they should project success when they're trying to woo a woman. If they've recently had a marriage go bust, and when any intelligent woman can see that the guy is broke due to child support, dividing up the marital property, etc., and they feel like they've failed their kids, themselves, and maybe the ex-wife too... it's going to make it awkward for an insecure guy to get out there and date again.
 
Old 07-06-2011, 09:41 PM
 
5,503 posts, read 5,532,203 times
Reputation: 5164
Quote:
Originally Posted by crabman1 View Post
Hmm paying maintenance? Yes. Whining over it? No, I have plenty of money. Bitter and dating? No on both counts. I am not dating while I parse things out, it is enough on my platter for now. As to damaged goods, we are all broken in some way. It is how we move forward with the bad things inside us that defines our nature. In the end we choose whether the glass will be half empty or half full and we have no one to blame for it's contents but ourselves.
I like your positive outlook!
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