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Old 04-19-2013, 09:11 PM
 
3 posts, read 12,736 times
Reputation: 11

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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyski View Post
Ladies under 33, have you ever been on a date with a man who you thought was emotionally balanced only to find out during the date that he is guarded and jaded from being hung out to dry by the ex wife?

Do you notice how these men target relationships with attractive, young women who are independent, have never been married and have no kids.

Here is who they are: late 30's to mid 40′s, one or more kids, paying alimony, child support and college, ex wife left him with just the clothes on his back.

The worst attribute in these type of men is that they view us like the ex wife and think that we want their money, the little money that is left over after the ex wife got what she wanted. Many of us that are approached by these men own homes, have great careers, and are financially stable, yet they think we want their money. Really?

Should we date divorced men who pursue us, offering us very little, yet they have given their ex wives the world? Should we only date men who have never been married, have no alimony or child support to pay? That single guy who has never been married will more likely be emotionally balanced since he does not have to be a "financial well" for a woman and kids.

Wow, I resemble this remark. Was divorced in late 2008 and it just about wiped me out. It's really no more than a little PTSD. I dated several women who were by all rights way, way out of my league. One of my first girlfriends post-divorce, a wonderful gorgeous tiny brunette, asked me, "why can't you express emotions like a normal guy?" after she had told me over and over how much she loved me and I just couldn't reciprocate. It's not so much that we think they are depending on us financially, but I take your point about being emotionally balanced. I am 46 and my most recent serious gf was, as you say, 33 -- although she wanted a ring on her finger I was just emotionally blocked and I couldn't take the relationship beyond a certain point.

I think it's partially that in my marriage I saw a lovely sexy fun relationship devolve over the years into anger and brutality -- I am so utterly averse to re-creating that that I can't seem to quite let anyone inside. Getting a little better as time goes by!

 
Old 04-23-2013, 02:49 PM
 
599 posts, read 948,924 times
Reputation: 585
Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgianbelle View Post
Not many states require alimony anymore, yet I continue to see posts about it all of the time on CD. Also, most states divide the property and assets acquired DURING the marriage 50/50. Child support IS required from the non-custodial parent. Since the things I mentioned seem fair and equitable, I don't see why dating a divorced man is such a big deal. There are divorced men that are not bitter.

Over half the population of the US lives in states that routinely award alimony. It is a lot more common than you think.
 
Old 04-23-2013, 02:55 PM
 
599 posts, read 948,924 times
Reputation: 585
Quote:
Originally Posted by petal1 View Post
Divorced men who are bitter or bad mouthing their ex-wifes?
My rule is: listen how a man talks about either an ex-girlfriend or an ex-wife.
That way you will learn a lot about the man.

A man who is bitter about his previous marriage and money has issues.
Not worth spending time with, let him see a shrink.
You're not a band-aid.

Have any women ever stopped to think that men are bitter for good reason? I read women complaining over and over that there are no "good men" available. Maybe it is because they have all been raped by the court system to the point where they just don't want to be committed ever again.

Women, the next time you have a knee jerk reaction supporting crippling alimony and child support laws, think about the impact these laws have on society in general.

A guy paying over 50% of his take home in alimony and child support is not going to be happy about the situation. And guess what? The few women I know who have had to pay alimony and child support were *more* bitter about it than any man I've known in the same situation. You want to hear bitter whining? Find a woman paying alimony.
 
Old 05-03-2013, 01:47 PM
 
7 posts, read 13,130 times
Reputation: 16
I briefly dated a man a couple years older than me who'd been a cheater in his marriage. His cheating caused his wife to treat him poorly and then to divorce him.

In our relationship he was overly emotional and super needy, after a while I just couldn't take it. All the time he whined about his ex and how she treated/treats him and then likened it to how I was treating him. But he never took ownership for what he did in either relationship.
 
Old 05-03-2013, 02:20 PM
 
10,029 posts, read 10,843,122 times
Reputation: 5944
Quote:
Originally Posted by coloradoalimony View Post
Have any women ever stopped to think that men are bitter for good reason? I read women complaining over and over that there are no "good men" available. Maybe it is because they have all been raped by the court system to the point where they just don't want to be committed ever again.

Women, the next time you have a knee jerk reaction supporting crippling alimony and child support laws, think about the impact these laws have on society in general.

A guy paying over 50% of his take home in alimony and child support is not going to be happy about the situation. And guess what? The few women I know who have had to pay alimony and child support were *more* bitter about it than any man I've known in the same situation. You want to hear bitter whining? Find a woman paying alimony.
I once dated a man paying alimony, child support and mortgage while he lived in a basement apartment. Never again would I date a man paying alimony. This is why I generally avoid divorced men. I can't understand why the courts would give a childless partner alimony, that seems like a money grab. Incidentally the guys I dated who had kids and an ex told me they would never marry again and can't blame them.
 
Old 05-03-2013, 03:20 PM
 
Location: SF
76 posts, read 126,857 times
Reputation: 121
Default Over-generalizations coming up!

Individuals are not divorced. Couples are. It takes two people to get a divorce. I know a number of guys that are divorced and wouldn't hold that against anyone. Sometimes you just fall out of love. People change and so do your feelings. I wouldn't put any of what you're saying onto divorced men by any stretch of the imagination. I think you're just dating jerks. Move on. A divorced man is just as likely to give you everything you are looking for than a single man.
 
Old 05-03-2013, 03:30 PM
 
10,029 posts, read 10,843,122 times
Reputation: 5944
I wouldn't date someone who "fell out of love" with their spouse, that has BIG RED FLAGS GALORE.

A divorced man with kids is not going to give me the same things as a single man without. A divorced man can't afford to whether it's time of monetary possessions.
 
Old 06-04-2013, 07:30 PM
 
7,300 posts, read 6,687,417 times
Reputation: 2915
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyski View Post
Ladies under 33, have you ever been on a date with a man who you thought was emotionally balanced only to find out during the date that he is guarded and jaded from being hung out to dry by the ex wife?

Do you notice how these men target relationships with attractive, young women who are independent, have never been married and have no kids.

Here is who they are: late 30's to mid 40′s, one or more kids, paying alimony, child support and college, ex wife left him with just the clothes on his back.

The worst attribute in these type of men is that they view us like the ex wife and think that we want their money, the little money that is left over after the ex wife got what she wanted. Many of us that are approached by these men own homes, have great careers, and are financially stable, yet they think we want their money. Really?

Should we date divorced men who pursue us, offering us very little, yet they have given their ex wives the world? Should we only date men who have never been married, have no alimony or child support to pay? That single guy who has never been married will more likely be emotionally balanced since he does not have to be a "financial well" for a woman and kids.
I think dating divorced men is fine, as long as they have no kids. Dating a divorced man with kids is like entering into a modern form of polygamy - the ex-wife will always be there. When the divorced man has no kids, there's no need to keep contact with the ex. Marrying a divorced man with kids means marrying him, his ex-wife and his kids, and what's worse, you'll never be #1. He might be your #1, but you will never be his, so forget about it. You'll come after the ex-wife and the kids, and your life will be shaped and controlled by what the ex-wife and his kids decide is their schedule. Also, you'll never be able to complain about it, because his relationships with his ex and kids are based upon a solid mountain of guilt because the kids will want the parents to get back together and will send signals - obvious ones, not so obvious ones, you name it. And if the ex is a total nutjob, she will shape the kids to make your life a living hell. He'll accuse you of hating his kids, of being jealous, of having psychological issues, yada yada yada, just to STOP the conversation. Why? Easy. Because he figures YOUR love is unconditional, whereas the kids' love is not. They can turn against him if they feel like it, or the ex can turn the kids against him. So he dumps on the new wife, while allowing all kinds of nasty behavior on the part of the ex and kids.

Not all divorced men with kids do this, I'm sure, but omg I've seen enough of them do it that it should have a name. Let's call it The "Please, please, Kids Don't Hate Me for Wanting a Life" Male Syndrome.

I say we should date divorced men WITHOUT kids, or single men. That's it. Let's leave the divorced men with kids to really desperate women, or women who is capable of handling a pillar of crap, day after day, and doesn't mind being treated like a second class citizen in her own home.
 
Old 06-04-2013, 09:34 PM
 
4,463 posts, read 6,195,429 times
Reputation: 2046
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyski View Post
Ladies under 33, have you ever been on a date with a man who you thought was emotionally balanced only to find out during the date that he is guarded and jaded from being hung out to dry by the ex wife?

Do you notice how these men target relationships with attractive, young women who are independent, have never been married and have no kids.

Here is who they are: late 30's to mid 40′s, one or more kids, paying alimony, child support and college, ex wife left him with just the clothes on his back.

The worst attribute in these type of men is that they view us like the ex wife and think that we want their money, the little money that is left over after the ex wife got what she wanted. Many of us that are approached by these men own homes, have great careers, and are financially stable, yet they think we want their money. Really?

Should we date divorced men who pursue us, offering us very little, yet they have given their ex wives the world? Should we only date men who have never been married, have no alimony or child support to pay? That single guy who has never been married will more likely be emotionally balanced since he does not have to be a "financial well" for a woman and kids.
The guys that get hung out to dry, time to just start over somewhere else, perhaps making weapons for the Russians, I think that would be a good gig.
 
Old 06-04-2013, 09:39 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
101,978 posts, read 106,527,725 times
Reputation: 115614
Quote:
Originally Posted by highlife2 View Post
The guys that get hung out to dry, time to just start over somewhere else, perhaps making weapons for the Russians, I think that would be a good gig.
Be careful what you put out over the internet. Big Brother is watching. He doesn't have a sense of humor about these things.
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