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I always see everyone on this forum say when it comes to cheating "If you're gonna cheat, break up with the person and go for the other plain and simple".
So my question is, hypothetically you have a guy who's been married to a woman for 5 years but like a month after the 5th year mark he feels feelings for her friend or someone else. If he never cheated and were to just divorce her and literally right after he filed it or when it's officiall he got with the new person in a relationship would that be bad?
Remember, he NEVER cheated. He did what most of you say he has to have "the balls" and "be a man with honor" so would the girl not feel hurt since he did it maturely?
the key point is he NEVER cheated, he never flirted either he just started to feel more attraction.
Separation and divorce take time - nobody just decides to divorce and then "poof" is back on the market, it's a process.
So, first of all, if someone is married but finds themselves attracted to someone else and they know that attraction is likely to lead to cheating, they should either seek some professional help to overcome this temptation or break it to their spouse that it's time to go separate ways.
If he/she can't overcome whatever it is that is making them attracted to other people, owning up to it would be the right thing to do. Sure their spouse is going to be hugely hurt, there's still no getting around that. The spouse will still feel humiliated and rejected, but having been cheated on magnifies those feelings, so leaving before you cheat is the better course of action.
It is always best to end one before the other and by this I mean usually in a healthy person that no longer wants to be in a relationship they can make this conscience decision withoiut the aid of a back burner HO..
The person who wakes up and decides.. "Nope, I have exhausted everything in me and I can no longer be in this anymore" and asks for a divorce...it is going to be hard and painful, there will always be questions as to the ifs the coulds and maybes regarding working it out but respect can be gained and a frienship can remain in tact if the relationship had ran its course and this was it no DISTRACTIONS..
However in a perfect world right?
In regards to your question? If there was no infidelity in the marriage then why would the man hop in to something else so quickly? An affair does not always have to be physical..
No, it is not wrong, but it is not very smart. This man is going to dump his wife for someone who may not even care about him. More than likely, the friend will not want this man. If she is a true friend of the wife, she will have nothing to do with her ex.
Sounds like there was no real long lasting bond to begin with. Many many times the relationship was not meant to last any more than months or a few years but because of human nature it lasted much longer. Too many people with Marriages on cruise control thinking everything is great without putting any effort into it, then boom! Wife or Hubby files for divorce or just leaves. A good percentage of the time another person was involved, but the affair was just the end result in a relationship that was not meant to last. Either way isn't easy.
It is certainly not the most sensitive thing to do. Of course when you compare that action to cheating, then dumping one's wife and hooking up with her friend immediately is the lesser of the two evils.
If the guy has any respect for his wife and their marriage, then he would not pursue someone right after the ink is dry, and that person should not be her friend. But yes, this is better than the husband cheating on his wife with her friend.
It is certainly not the most sensitive thing to do. Of course when you compare that action to cheating, then dumping one's wife and hooking up with her friend immediately is the lesser of the two evils.
If the guy has any respect for his wife and their marriage, then he would not pursue someone right after the ink is dry, and that person should not be her friend. But yes, this is better than the husband cheating on his wife with her friend.
There's no easy way around this one. Maybe the new relationship won't last either.
I always see everyone on this forum say when it comes to cheating "If you're gonna cheat, break up with the person and go for the other plain and simple".
So my question is, hypothetically you have a guy who's been married to a woman for 5 years but like a month after the 5th year mark he feels feelings for her friend or someone else. If he never cheated and were to just divorce her and literally right after he filed it or when it's officiall he got with the new person in a relationship would that be bad?
Remember, he NEVER cheated. He did what most of you say he has to have "the balls" and "be a man with honor" so would the girl not feel hurt since he did it maturely?
It isn't pretty any way you slice it. Yes, she will still be hurt if she loves him. The issue really isn't as much about having feelings for someone else as much as it is not having feelings for his wife. The latter seems to be the more logical reason for walking, third party or not.
I always see everyone on this forum say when it comes to cheating "If you're gonna cheat, break up with the person and go for the other plain and simple".
So my question is, hypothetically you have a guy who's been married to a woman for 5 years but like a month after the 5th year mark he feels feelings for her friend or someone else. If he never cheated and were to just divorce her and literally right after he filed it or when it's officiall he got with the new person in a relationship would that be bad?
Remember, he NEVER cheated. He did what most of you say he has to have "the balls" and "be a man with honor" so would the girl not feel hurt since he did it maturely?
the key point is he NEVER cheated, he never flirted either he just started to feel more attraction.
So what is the reason you are posting this?
Curiosity?
Or are you the on who is attracted to your female friend?
Just say it's you, 'kay? When people make these hypothetical posts or say it's for a "friend", that's almost always assumed anyway...
Several points. If you are fully invested in your marriage, it's not likely that you just randomly stray to the point of wanting a divorce. Especially if the other person doesn't even know. That's called a crush. People get them all the time. You see a hot actor/actress. You think dirty things about the guy at the gym. That can happen, but you need to keep it in your head, not let yourself run away chasing a fantasy.
Yes, it is better to file for divorce than to cheat. Definitely. No, you would not be "wrong" to pursue the friend right away, in a purely legal or technical sense. However, you are living in a dream world if you think this fantasy would ever play out without your (ex)wife being enraged that you dumped her after 5 years of marriage and took up with her friend. Additionally, if the friend is really a friend, she will tell you to go jump in a lake. It would end the friendship for good. You would be considered a dog by any mutual friends. If there are any children involved, you would totally destroy the chance for a healthy co-parenting relationship.
So, if you're ready to burn all those bridges, it's your choice. Just don't be so naive to think this sort of thing would turn out neat and tidy. Not a chance of that.
Four year old thread.... doubt they are still around.
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