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Our family is going thru a lot of stress right now as my mother has alzheimer's we think--dr. appt in 1-1/2 weeks. It has been a pretty long slow progression, but lately her condition plummeted quickly and I had to make an emergency trip to where she was living by herself in the country, 2-1/2 hours from here and I took her to her other house which is only a few blocks from where my brother and SIL live.
My sister has been living in this house for the last 15 months w/o paying rent or utilities and she emptied out her storage units and put the stuff in my mother's garage so she wouldn't have to pay that bill either. My mother can't hardly stand to be around her b/c she's a liar and a thief and talks nonstop. My mother is willing to put up with her for now b/c she is convinced that she'll get to move back to the country after the appt, though I know this will never happen--I told her the doc will have to make that decision.
My mother has money--not wealthy, but well off, and I know my sis will take advantage of her completely. When I took her shopping today it was easy for me to peer over her shoulder and figure out her pin number so it should be easy for sis too. We all had to stand helplessly by and watch as a couple of cousins cleaned out my aunt's estate when she developed alz, and 15 years later she's very much alive and physically in good shape and all her kids can afford for her is a bare bones nursing home, even though she also started off with money. My bro has power of atty--anyone know how to keep sis from helping herself to the till? We want her to move out of the house and leave mom alone b/c she's mean to her anyway, but I don't see how to do that. Oh yeah, and I found a bag of pot in the house today, just lying around--she has no respect.
Our family is going thru a lot of stress right now as my mother has alzheimer's we think--dr. appt in 1-1/2 weeks. It has been a pretty long slow progression, but lately her condition plummeted quickly and I had to make an emergency trip to where she was living by herself in the country, 2-1/2 hours from here and I took her to her other house which is only a few blocks from where my brother and SIL live.
My sister has been living in this house for the last 15 months w/o paying rent or utilities and she emptied out her storage units and put the stuff in my mother's garage so she wouldn't have to pay that bill either. My mother can't hardly stand to be around her b/c she's a liar and a thief and talks nonstop. My mother is willing to put up with her for now b/c she is convinced that she'll get to move back to the country after the appt, though I know this will never happen--I told her the doc will have to make that decision.
My mother has money--not wealthy, but well off, and I know my sis will take advantage of her completely. When I took her shopping today it was easy for me to peer over her shoulder and figure out her pin number so it should be easy for sis too. We all had to stand helplessly by and watch as a couple of cousins cleaned out my aunt's estate when she developed alz, and 15 years later she's very much alive and physically in good shape and all her kids can afford for her is a bare bones nursing home, even though she also started off with money. My bro has power of atty--anyone know how to keep sis from helping herself to the till? We want her to move out of the house and leave mom alone b/c she's mean to her anyway, but I don't see how to do that. Oh yeah, and I found a bag of pot in the house today, just lying around--she has no respect.
Tough situation to be in; I am very sorry to hear, my friend -- maybe, you could give your sis a stern verbal warning or something, to the effect of that if you ever catch her mishandling your mother's money, you will report your sis to the law enforcement authorities?
Perhaps place your mother's care in the hands of an attorney. They know how to handle people who don't have others best interests at heart.
Yeah, I meant to mention that my cousin, an atty, is handling my mother's legal affairs and she doesn't know how to handle it either. I'd love to take out a restraining order but not sure how to do it, b/c I know my mother would never stand up to sis--she seems to be afraid of her. Well maybe when we have our appt soon we'll find out more--I'm sure this is not totally out of the norm--seems like when a person with money gets alzheimer's, the bottom feeders come out from behind their rock.
She really is scummy--at 46 she's never had a real job and I'm convinced that she shoplifts too, and I'm waiting for her to call and ask me where her bag of pot is. I hid it in a secure place in the house and when she asks, no demands to know, I'll tell her to go ask mom. He he.
Oh and knight, I'm not sure the stern verbal warning would work--we've been issuing those for the last 25 years and they have no effect--they just cause her to dream up another idiotic lie and I'm sure she'd mishandle the money in such a way that she couldn't get caught.
I'm sorry--I really don't think there is an answer for this--I think that I just came in here to blow off steam b/c I am stressed to the max over this--it's hard enough to deal with a parent with memory loss w/o having to deal with selfish sibs at the same time, but I guess that's part of the whole mess.
Our family is going thru a lot of stress right now as my mother has alzheimer's we think--dr. appt in 1-1/2 weeks. It has been a pretty long slow progression, but lately her condition plummeted quickly and I had to make an emergency trip to where she was living by herself in the country, 2-1/2 hours from here and I took her to her other house which is only a few blocks from where my brother and SIL live.
My sister has been living in this house for the last 15 months w/o paying rent or utilities and she emptied out her storage units and put the stuff in my mother's garage so she wouldn't have to pay that bill either. My mother can't hardly stand to be around her b/c she's a liar and a thief and talks nonstop. My mother is willing to put up with her for now b/c she is convinced that she'll get to move back to the country after the appt, though I know this will never happen--I told her the doc will have to make that decision.
My mother has money--not wealthy, but well off, and I know my sis will take advantage of her completely. When I took her shopping today it was easy for me to peer over her shoulder and figure out her pin number so it should be easy for sis too. We all had to stand helplessly by and watch as a couple of cousins cleaned out my aunt's estate when she developed alz, and 15 years later she's very much alive and physically in good shape and all her kids can afford for her is a bare bones nursing home, even though she also started off with money. My bro has power of atty--anyone know how to keep sis from helping herself to the till? We want her to move out of the house and leave mom alone b/c she's mean to her anyway, but I don't see how to do that. Oh yeah, and I found a bag of pot in the house today, just lying around--she has no respect.
I know when you are in the middle of a situation like this sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees, but this is really very cut and dried.
You go back to the house, pick up the pot and tell her she either moves out within 10 days or you are turning that pot over to the police along with her name.
You HAVE to take a stand with people like this, and dig your heels in deep.
Our family is going thru a lot of stress right now as my mother has alzheimer's we think--dr. appt in 1-1/2 weeks. It has been a pretty long slow progression, but lately her condition plummeted quickly and I had to make an emergency trip to where she was living by herself in the country, 2-1/2 hours from here and I took her to her other house which is only a few blocks from where my brother and SIL live.
My sister has been living in this house for the last 15 months w/o paying rent or utilities and she emptied out her storage units and put the stuff in my mother's garage so she wouldn't have to pay that bill either. My mother can't hardly stand to be around her b/c she's a liar and a thief and talks nonstop. My mother is willing to put up with her for now b/c she is convinced that she'll get to move back to the country after the appt, though I know this will never happen--I told her the doc will have to make that decision.
My mother has money--not wealthy, but well off, and I know my sis will take advantage of her completely. When I took her shopping today it was easy for me to peer over her shoulder and figure out her pin number so it should be easy for sis too. We all had to stand helplessly by and watch as a couple of cousins cleaned out my aunt's estate when she developed alz, and 15 years later she's very much alive and physically in good shape and all her kids can afford for her is a bare bones nursing home, even though she also started off with money. My bro has power of atty--anyone know how to keep sis from helping herself to the till? We want her to move out of the house and leave mom alone b/c she's mean to her anyway, but I don't see how to do that. Oh yeah, and I found a bag of pot in the house today, just lying around--she has no respect.
First Of all I am sorry that your mother is going through this and your family as well..but do not despair until you have no choice..I wish you the best for you in this..
Re: Your sister? It is really up to your mom to determine what she will tolerate and will not tolerate, if she cannot stand her because of all of these issues then she needs to tell her to move out..Legally if it comes down to it..
As far as being worried down the road if your mom is no longer able to make decisions for herself I would urge you and your family to get together and talk about the possibility of a conservatorship. Someone in the family that is legally assigned to your mothers affairs and makes the decisions regarding her livlihood, finances and care...
I am so sorry to hear about the tragic and very unfortunate situation, my friend stepka God blesss you and your dear family, during this trying time -- all the best and kind wishes and my sympathies, to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka
Yeah, I meant to mention that my cousin, an atty, is handling my mother's legal affairs and she doesn't know how to handle it either. I'd love to take out a restraining order but not sure how to do it, b/c I know my mother would never stand up to sis--she seems to be afraid of her. Well maybe when we have our appt soon we'll find out more--I'm sure this is not totally out of the norm--seems like when a person with money gets alzheimer's, the bottom feeders come out from behind their rock.
She really is scummy--at 46 she's never had a real job and I'm convinced that she shoplifts too, and I'm waiting for her to call and ask me where her bag of pot is. I hid it in a secure place in the house and when she asks, no demands to know, I'll tell her to go ask mom. He he.
Oh and knight, I'm not sure the stern verbal warning would work--we've been issuing those for the last 25 years and they have no effect--they just cause her to dream up another idiotic lie and I'm sure she'd mishandle the money in such a way that she couldn't get caught.
I'm sorry--I really don't think there is an answer for this--I think that I just came in here to blow off steam b/c I am stressed to the max over this--it's hard enough to deal with a parent with memory loss w/o having to deal with selfish sibs at the same time, but I guess that's part of the whole mess.
I am sorry about your mom's condition. You and your brother are going to have to be tough with your sister. You will have to make her move out, even if it takes legal assistance. She will bleed your mother dry and wear her out emotionally. This is the last thing your mother needs, if she is suffering from the early stages of dementia or Alzheimers.
If your brother has full power of attorney I would think he'd have the authority to toss your sister out. The problem becomes, where? If she has no place else to go it will get ugly. I would consult with an attorney on this one.
Re: Your sister? It is really up to your mom to determine what she will tolerate and will not tolerate, if she cannot stand her because of all of these issues then she needs to tell her to move out..Legally if it comes down to it..
As far as being worried down the road if your mom is no longer able to make decisions for herself I would urge you and your family to get together and talk about the possibility of a conservatorship. Someone in the family that is legally assigned to your mothers affairs and makes the decisions regarding her livlihood, finances and care...Good luck
Yeah, problem is that my mother will complain to me and my bro but she won't stand up to sis--she's already told her she can stay, but that's because she thinks she's going back to the country and will need someone to housesit while she's gone. I've told her she's probably not going to go back but I'll leave it to the doc. She is so confused though that she has it in her head that the doc will clear her to go back. She has gone from mild AD to very confused in a short time--she was doing her own shopping just a few weeks ago, but when I took her to the store yesterday, she just stood there with the cart, not knowing what to do. It broke my heart and it could mean that something else is going on and we'll find out soon.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgianbelle
I am sorry about your mom's condition. You and your brother are going to have to be tough with your sister. You will have to make her move out, even if it takes legal assistance. She will bleed your mother dry and wear her out emotionally. This is the last thing your mother needs, if she is suffering from the early stages of dementia or Alzheimers.
Yes, she will def bleed her dry and never feel the least pang of conscience. I've looked up personality disorders and she has parts of almost all of them. She lies, cheats, has no conscience or shame, and has histrionic fits and delusions of grandeur--and that's just the most obvious symptoms. Not one person in my family can stand to be around her but her son, and I spent more time raising him than she did.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68
If your brother has full power of attorney I would think he'd have the authority to toss your sister out. The problem becomes, where? If she has no place else to go it will get ugly. I would consult with an attorney on this one.
It's true she has no place to go, though she has been working FT at a temp job for some months so she should have some money saved. Whether she does or not is another question. We will be tossing her out and it will get very ugly, but the problems come when my bro has to go back out of town, as he travels frequently on his job as a pilot, and I live 2 hours away and work. I'm fine to help her over the summer but then school starts. . . and sis will be all over it. I wouldn't even put it past her to give mom what she wants and take her back to the country to get rid of her. I will ask my cousin about restraining orders.
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He he.
