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Old 01-04-2012, 04:23 PM
 
2,028 posts, read 1,881,210 times
Reputation: 1001

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Free Beer View Post
Two things:

1) Girls who ask dudes out are all kinds of trouble, certainly not marriage material.

2) Being a gentleman means you pay for dates. It also means you pick up the check when you're out with friends, within reason. If you can't afford to do either, you can't afford to go out.

Apparently you have bought into some feminist lie, which is fine if you want to date feminists and not actually be a man.
Good afternoon,

1. I'm not interested in getting married. I could go into a long rant about divorce and child custody laws, but even if those didn't exist it's still "not for me".

In regards to women who are "lots of trouble", I don't date those and don't frequent areas where they hang out. I'm referring to female friends and social acquaintances. Like I said, I swim in a very niche dating pool, which puts me in enough demand to be asked out by women.

2. I'll be a gentleman on date 2 and onward, if I like her enough to continue. If she asked me out first, she will pay for the date. If I asked her out first, then I'll pay for the date. That's called equality and it works for me. If you don't like it, feel free to pay for women who ask you out. I'm fine with your protocol if it works for you.

I am one of the biggest critics of feminism on this forum, but I am not going to buy into some paternalistic, childish view of women either. I usually date nurse and teacher types and they make enough to pay for a simple date they requested. I prefer moderate women, not feminists nor traditionalists.

Maybe you've bought into some "double standard lie" if you're willing to act like a traditionalist man in a society that will not afford you the child and family protections in exchange.

Define "not being a man", por favor.
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Old 01-04-2012, 04:56 PM
 
8,679 posts, read 15,220,173 times
Reputation: 15341
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freedom123 View Post
2. I'll be a gentleman on date 2 and onward, if I like her enough to continue. If she asked me out first, she will pay for the date. If I asked her out first, then I'll pay for the date. That's called equality and it works for me. If you don't like it, feel free to pay for women who ask you out. I'm fine with your protocol if it works for you.

I am one of the biggest critics of feminism on this forum, but I am not going to buy into some paternalistic, childish view of women either. I usually date nurse and teacher types and they make enough to pay for a simple date they requested.
And that pretty much sums it up. I don't think it has anything to do with feminism, and is instead just plain ol' modern thinking. It's really not that revolutionary or unconventional for a woman to ask a man on a date. Just because some men have never been asked out by a woman, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. By the same token, just because some women have never (or rarely) felt compelled to ask a man out, that doesn't mean those women expect a man to spend his whole paycheck on them or they sit around waiting for men to give chase. Some of us put romance at the bottom of our priorities when we're single, opting instead to travel, spend time with friends, and pursue our own interests.

I think some men are just envious of the fact that women appear to have more choices. Thing is, those choices are offered by other men. Don't blame the woman because a handful of decent, attractive, intelligent, interesting men ask her for dates. It's just supply and demand. I'm willing to bet that if the whiners had women asking them out, they wouldn't go on ad infinitum about any of this.

Thing is, if you (in the general) want a good woman to ask you out, be the kind of man a good woman wants to go out with. It's really that simple.
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Old 01-04-2012, 05:21 PM
 
Location: Austin
773 posts, read 1,253,807 times
Reputation: 947
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette View Post
I think some men are just envious of the fact that women appear to have more choices. Thing is, those choices are offered by other men. Don't blame the woman because a handful of decent, attractive, intelligent, interesting men ask her for dates. It's just supply and demand. I'm willing to bet that if the whiners had women asking them out, they wouldn't go on ad infinitum about any of this.

Thing is, if you (in the general) want a good woman to ask you out, be the kind of man a good woman wants to go out with. It's really that simple.
Nicely said. Personally, I love it when the man picks up the check on a first date. It tells me that the guy is interested enough in me to make a small investment. However, sadly, this "honor system" is easily abused. I have an acquaintance who frequents dating sites just to snag a free dinner. "A girl's got to eat," she told me. If there's one woman like this, there's another. And another.

Well, then I hear men kvetching about how they feel taken advantage of — some even mentioned this in their online dating profiles, when I was actively dating. To all of the guys who believe that the man should always foot the bill ... how do you feel about this kind of mentality? Isn't that a little off-putting, to say the least? Does it still make you want to reach for the bill every time?
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Old 01-04-2012, 05:55 PM
 
Location: Houston, Tx
8,227 posts, read 11,095,039 times
Reputation: 8198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Free Beer View Post
Two things:

1) Girls who ask dudes out are all kinds of trouble, certainly not marriage material.

2) Being a gentleman means you pay for dates. It also means you pick up the check when you're out with friends, within reason. If you can't afford to do either, you can't afford to go out.

Apparently you have bought into some feminist lie, which is fine if you want to date feminists and not actually be a man.
A man who pays for the dates all of the time is a fool and deserves to get taken advantage of.
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Old 01-04-2012, 06:08 PM
 
9,408 posts, read 13,691,475 times
Reputation: 20394
Quote:
Originally Posted by 14Bricks View Post
A man who pays for the dates all of the time is a fool and deserves to get taken advantage of.
For once we agree upon something.
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Old 01-04-2012, 06:12 PM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,928,467 times
Reputation: 13948
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
For once we agree upon something.
Guess that makes me quite the fool.
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Old 01-04-2012, 06:16 PM
 
28,896 posts, read 53,932,532 times
Reputation: 46662
Quote:
Originally Posted by greenvillebuckeye View Post
Just ended a "relationship" with a girl who ended it by texting me saying she needs a guy who pays for things the majority of the time. Keep in mind I paid for the first 4 dates, a weekend trip to the beach for two and this past weekend she paid for waffle house and then we split a meal at panera bread. a few hours later after panera she texts me saying she needs a guy who pays for the majority of the dates. i didn't realize that her paying for waffle house was too much for her haha. i'm a teacher and make a king's ransom obviously ;-). i also drove us everywhere and would buy her random things like cigarettes, wine, even cooked meals at her place i bought everything from the grocery store.

so ladies how long into a dating do you start paying?
Sounds like she was paying every time she goes out with you. Maybe not in cash, but paying nonetheless.

Why? Because you're keeping score. And when one keeps a ledger in one's head about who paid for what and when, that tells the other person what every. single. moment. of the relationship will be like from that point on.

Hey, everybody is short on cash. Just say as much and choose entertainment that manages to be imaginative and cost-efficient at the same time, rather than resenting her for the time three months ago when she had TWO drinks with dinner.
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Old 01-04-2012, 06:17 PM
 
9,408 posts, read 13,691,475 times
Reputation: 20394
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince_Frog View Post
Guess that makes me quite the fool.
I just don't understand men who accept this practice. It sets you up for the expectation you're always going to be the provider. It encourages dependence. It makes you broke. It might make you feel good in the short term but what if you marry this woman. You want her to bring more than just a pretty face to the table right? She needs to make her own money and help the household but if the past 2 years of dating have been all you paying, she'll expect this to continue.

Meh, maybe I just don't understand leechy women and men who insist on having all the power and control by using their money.
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Old 01-04-2012, 06:39 PM
 
6,534 posts, read 7,250,781 times
Reputation: 3800
Quote:
Originally Posted by 14Bricks View Post
A man who pays for the dates all of the time is a fool and deserves to get taken advantage of.
I guess there are many women around here who have dated fools but rather call them nicely "gentleman who never let me pay...they beat me to the punch..." . Like I have said before, women can be quite tough when it comes to rules about splitting house chores, yet, when it comes to dating they become soft and fragile.
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Old 01-04-2012, 06:42 PM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,110,362 times
Reputation: 13484
Quote:
Originally Posted by Free Beer View Post
What man would ever let a girl pay for a date?
A man that dates a lot.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
Money is about power and control. If you allow a man to pay for everything you give away your power. Equality in relationships also means paying your fair share, or at least offering.
Spot on, Djuna. This thread has me thinking of givers and takers. There's something that doesn't feel right to me about folk who are primarily concerned with taking from others. It has left a bad taste in my mouth.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Freedom123 View Post

I am one of the biggest critics of feminism on this forum,...
And now a bit of nausea can be added to that. fail.
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