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Old 01-06-2012, 12:10 PM
 
Location: Northside Of Jacksonville
3,337 posts, read 7,091,350 times
Reputation: 3464

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette View Post
Actually, that happened to my sister. She met the guy at a diner. He decides he wants a cup of coffee. She orders an egg cream. The check comes, it's five bucks, and he says, "WOW! Your egg cream cost three bucks and change!" And he puts $2.00 on the table.

She pays for her egg cream, he walks her to her car, and then he proceeds to try to kiss her.

Whiskey tango foxtrot?

Not that it would have been appropriate if he did pay for her beverage, or even if he bought her lunch. But it does take extra special sparkly balls to be that cheap and then expect a little somethin' somethin'.

Best part is, this guy was in his 40s.
LOL Wow...She should've asked how much money he had on him and bought something within his budget or a little lower.
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Old 01-06-2012, 02:47 PM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,111,498 times
Reputation: 13484
Quote:
Originally Posted by 14Bricks View Post
Damn! what has happend to you? You're making too much sense! Were is the old Braunwyn? I think somebody has hacked her user account.
I have not changed my tune at all. Inequitable gender roles in these dating entitlements are unreasonable and certainly do not hold feminist ideals as I understand it. Hopefully, you guys don’t fool yourselves into thinking you are any better with the crap you spew, in that it’s the same crap really but different day.
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Old 01-06-2012, 02:50 PM
 
8,679 posts, read 15,220,871 times
Reputation: 15341
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
I agree with Yzette...people who keep score or go through all these crazy machinations to come up with some stupid formula of who should pay when...that is not how I operate. When I am surrounded by those I love (and vice versa), it's all about how much I can give.
If anything, it's the tab-keepers who have the sense of entitlement. "I paid for this so now I am entitled to have you pay for that."

No. As Fleetie said, if I invite someone on a date, I am a host. Never in a million years would I expect that person to pay or would I accept any offer of payment from him. The meal/movie/whatever is something I want to give to him.

Gracious, well-mannered people do not attach strings to the things they give, whether it's a meal or a present, or keep score. If my mother were alive and I pulled a stunt like asking for a date and then expecting my guest to pay, she'd slap me upside the head for being rude.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I think that plays into it some. However, if a guy comes up to me, a guy that I don't really know, and asks me out on a date, and expects ME to pay for that date? Well, he'll be forgotten in a New York minute. Quicker, even.

Yanno, the part of this that seems pretty obvious to me, and maybe that's because I'm older, is that women like to be wooed. We always have. And men know that. They've always known that. Wooing can be done in many ways. It can be done simply by being charming, or being witty and an incredible conversationalist. It can be done by enlightening a person to new things that they've never seen or done before. It can be done by cooking (we gals are pretty used to that one ). It can be done with sex. And it can be done with money. And yes, men enjoyed being wooed as well, of course. So yes, it can, and does, go both ways.

But usually, usually, it's a case of the guy trying to get the girl. It's this way in nature as well. I don't see why it's anything at all to be puzzled over.
Some people can't handle the fact that some women simply don't give enough of a rat's arse about men to go around asking them out. It sounds cold, but there it is. I know many, many women who, when they are unattached, just live their lives and put their time and effort into things like travel, work, and friends. It's not that they don't like men. It's just that dating and romance are low on their list of priorities.

But, see, society hasn't yet caught up to that. The idea of women asking men for dates caught on just fine (despite what some men here believe because no one has asked them out yet) but a woman who isn't on the prowl for a man? She must be a man-hater/frigid/gay/afraid/a victim of prior abuse/not right in the head. She must have some kind of "issue." Women still have it shoved down their throats that being pretty and sexy--in short appealing to men--should be among their top priorities, and they're supposed to want to be alluring to men, all the better to "catch" one.

Yet it is, and has always been, okay for men to be confirmed bachelors, and you don't see anyone making a big issue out of whether a little boy is handsome. Males are not taught that their purpose is to attract females. Husband/life partner is not a role that is emphasized to them, and when the media and society do bring it up, it's usually in the context of being a "family man," not attracting a woman in order to "catch" her. Except sexually, of course. There's plenty of drek out there geared toward men luring and pleasing women sexually. Emotionally? Not so much, unless the end goal is to get laid. How to land a wife? Almost never.

In short, women are still supposed to be "incomplete" without a man, and we're still supposed to make getting and having a man a goal, and now we're supposed to also ask men out and pony up for the tab, too--because we want them soooooo much.

But some women just can't be bothered with it. That is what some men (and apparently a few women) can't seem to wrap their heads around. If a woman doesn't care enough to proactively go after men or take initiative, she's a "princess." How DARE she value and enjoy her own life such that she will not put a whole lot of time or effort into incorporating a man into it unless she's sure he's a good person and she LIKES him. Well, good golly day, only men get to be judicious with their time and money!

Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
I don't know that I'd go that far but I do agree that if I've been asked out, and I offer to pay and he refuses, I'm not going to fight him about it. I'll pick up the after dinner drinks or movie tickets or get it the next time. Most people I know are the same. There's a difference between that and the handful of women who expect to be treated like princesses all the time because they think they're so special.
Yep. There is a difference between someone who expects to be catered to and the rest of us.

Last edited by Yzette; 01-06-2012 at 03:03 PM..
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Old 01-06-2012, 04:19 PM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,111,498 times
Reputation: 13484
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
I don't know that I'd go that far but I do agree that if I've been asked out, and I offer to pay and he refuses, I'm not going to fight him about it. I'll pick up the after dinner drinks or movie tickets or get it the next time. Most people I know are the same. There's a difference between that and the handful of women who expect to be treated like princesses all the time because they think they're so special.
Spot on, fleetiebelle. That's how I have gone about it as well, be it with dates, friends, or colleagues.
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Old 01-06-2012, 04:53 PM
 
2,028 posts, read 1,881,337 times
Reputation: 1001
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
Yea, I've seen you mention that in the past and I largely think your arguments are a load of hooey in that arena.
Good afternoon,

I have put forth evidence to support my criticisms in threads that are relevant to radical feminists, NOW's policies, and child custody. I'll be happy to do so again if another thread of this sort comes up.

For the purposes of this thread and based on the rest of your post below, you and I are probably in consensus of who should pay and when. To restate, I believe whoever asks for the date should pay, since gender-based expectations are outdated. In fact, most of the women I've agreed with in this thread are self-labeled feminists. I'll agree when I believe someone is right and criticize when I believe they are wrong, regardless of their label.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
I don't think it's about keeping score. At least not from where I sit. I think the score keeping argument is a bit of a ruse. And I don't think it's about the actual paying. We all love to treat our loved ones. I thoroughly enjoy my dinner parties, for example. I'll spend two days prepping and cooking. And it's never on the cheap. It's not about that. It's not about doing nice things for others.

Rather, tradition tells that men pay and that position is socially loaded and complicated with boons and consequences. That's fine. But, isn't it really about social conditioning? There is no good reason in 2012 for men to pay. They are expected to pay because we're conditioned to believe it's right. It's the way of things. That's fine as well. What's not fine, in my eyes, is the apparent lack of awareness. I may be wrong, but I'm seeing a bit of mindlessness in this thread.

One member brought up a super model and said shouldn't he pay for her? As if it's because of her beauty. Another member mentioned her vagina. They have to pay for her vagina. Or be it cheapness, generosity, etc. It's so much more than all of that and frankly, I find the prostitution assertions, which is what they are, to be clear crazy.

Again, I wonder how many of the women have paused, put themselves in the shoes of those that are expected to give, pay, owe, etc A or B, and then form an opinion. There's a whole lot of entitlement here and I'm not understanding how it sits with people in an honest way.
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Old 01-06-2012, 07:19 PM
 
625 posts, read 898,324 times
Reputation: 1105
Quote:
Originally Posted by greenvillebuckeye View Post
Just ended a "relationship" with a girl who ended it by texting me saying she needs a guy who pays for things the majority of the time. Keep in mind I paid for the first 4 dates, a weekend trip to the beach for two and this past weekend she paid for waffle house and then we split a meal at panera bread. a few hours later after panera she texts me saying she needs a guy who pays for the majority of the dates. i didn't realize that her paying for waffle house was too much for her haha. i'm a teacher and make a king's ransom obviously ;-). i also drove us everywhere and would buy her random things like cigarettes, wine, even cooked meals at her place i bought everything from the grocery store.

so ladies how long into a dating do you start paying?

She did you a favor. The b is looking for a sugar daddy. Thank your lucky stars!! Good luck in the future.
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Old 01-06-2012, 07:21 PM
 
37,419 posts, read 45,602,632 times
Reputation: 56694
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
I don't know that I'd go that far but I do agree that if I've been asked out, and I offer to pay and he refuses, I'm not going to fight him about it. I'll pick up the after dinner drinks or movie tickets or get it the next time. Most people I know are the same. There's a difference between that and the handful of women who expect to be treated like princesses all the time because they think they're so special.
Nah...not me. I will agree that if it's someone I know, a guy that I've talked to a while...that I've developed even a casual friendship with, and we decide we want to go out, sure...absolutely I'll do my part as far as sharing the tab. But I'm talking about a different situation. I'm at a party, dude walks up, starts hitting on me, and ends up asking me out. In that situation, the tab is on him...not I. Of course the reverse would be true as well...if I asked the guy out...I'd pay...or certainly offer.
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Old 01-07-2012, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,257 posts, read 64,051,768 times
Reputation: 73913
Quote:
Originally Posted by 14Bricks View Post
Good cop out, she's not talking about going out with your friends. She's talking about women going out with men and always expecting them to pay, because they want to be "wooed".
She asked, "Do you ever pick up the tab?" And about entitlement, etc.

For me, it's obviously not about the money. If someone asks ME out (with romantic intent), then I assume they are planning on paying (though I will try to pay)...if I ask someone else out (romantically), then I will insist on paying.

I 100% agree that it's lame that women expect men to do all the paying. But I also think that if the guy wants it more (as is usually the case), then more will be expected from him.

As for the original op, I said about a hundred posts back that I thought she was a gold-digging jerk-off.
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Old 01-07-2012, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,257 posts, read 64,051,768 times
Reputation: 73913
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette View Post
Some people can't handle the fact that some women simply don't give enough of a rat's arse about men to go around asking them out. It sounds cold, but there it is.s.
That's the giant elephant in the room.

Trust me, most women I know...when they really like a dude...they will GO AFTER him.
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Old 01-07-2012, 10:05 AM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,111,498 times
Reputation: 13484
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
She asked, "Do you ever pick up the tab?" And about entitlement, etc.
Are you talking about me? I never asked that question. That really has little to do with the point I was trying to make.
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