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Old 01-21-2012, 12:58 PM
 
6,143 posts, read 7,528,616 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
What's that supposed to mean...? No mingling of finances?
We keep our own finances. It's what we both prefer and it works for us.
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Old 01-21-2012, 02:46 PM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,578,401 times
Reputation: 5793
It seems that age, where you live and how you were raised - really make a big difference in how you perceive paying for dates. WHere I am, most people believe that man always paying for dates is an antiquated notion that should be left in history books. I know that some guys insist on always paying, which is obviously their choice. Truthfuly, this is rarely about economics but moreso about male/female dynamics. I know that vast majority of guys, in a metropolitan setting truly appreciate if a woman offers to pay her share, even if they promptly turn down that offer. Let me ask you ladies this: If you expect a man to pay for everything, always: it must be because you believe that your time is more valueable than his, he owes you something or that in fact you are selling him something. In the last case, I will bluntly call it prostitution because thats exactly what it is. Most women today are independent and work, so there is no reason they cant offer to pay their share, even if its only sometimes and even if it is turned down by the guy.
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Old 01-21-2012, 05:48 PM
 
Location: CA
2,464 posts, read 6,448,638 times
Reputation: 2641
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheBeagleLady View Post
I didn't say I would never let a man pay for me. I just don't allow it all the time and prefer to take turns paying.

I have dated someone who made twice what I did. I still paid for dinner and things I could afford. He wanted to go to a concert and was too good for cheaper tickets so he paid for expensive ones. I didn't feel bad.

I am married now and we are pretty much on the same level. We take turns paying and always have and that's how I prefer it. I have my own career and make my own money. I can certainly pay my own bills and contribute to entertainment expenses.
That's a great philosophy if it works for you and if you're making close to the same amount of money (and I can see how you'd be embarrassed by someone paying all the time if he made the same amount as you). But what I find interesting is when people try to maintain that philosophy regardless of the income discrepancy.

My husband and I have a really good relationship and he's unconventional in that he pays for everything and always has because he's in the top 2% income earners in the U.S. and I'm not ashamed to say I never came close. It would be hilarious to say the least if I tried to take turns with him or pay for half of our bills. Am I embarrassed by it? Nope. I dealt with my pride issues already. Now, if I made his money, sure, take turns - split the bills that would be different.

Not to you in particular - but just in general. Do I think women should expect a man to pay for everything? Absolutely not. Women should be as self sufficient as possible and not look for or expect a man to come save the day and pay your bills or dates. Some guys like to provide fully for their women/dates while others don't - it's not a good vs. bad issue to me. Just go by what's practical.
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Old 01-21-2012, 06:42 PM
 
Location: Astoria, NY
3,052 posts, read 4,289,667 times
Reputation: 2475
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommabear2 View Post
That's a great philosophy if it works for you and if you're making close to the same amount of money (and I can see how you'd be embarrassed by someone paying all the time if he made the same amount as you). But what I find interesting is when people try to maintain that philosophy regardless of the income discrepancy.
Me too. I'm a waitress in my 20s and I'm attracted to educated men in their late 30s. All the men I've dated make considerably more than me. It's be sort of ridiculous if I said, "I got this." Cause, well, I don't. And they know I don't. I've never had a man suggest going dutch or me paying, and they often offer to pay for things I expect to pay for (like my cab ride home).

On the flip side, when I know my best friend (female) was working part-time and had bills to pay (when I didn't, living in someone else's home), I'd pick up the tab without question very often.

It's not about being cheap or not wanting to spend money. Often the dynamics are such that going dutch seems ludicrous.

If you're both broke college students I guess that'd make sense. But I never dated college students, even in college.
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Old 01-21-2012, 08:26 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,432 posts, read 34,218,797 times
Reputation: 19814
Quote:
Originally Posted by misiu007 View Post
It seems that age, where you live and how you were raised - really make a big difference in how you perceive paying for dates. WHere I am, most people believe that man always paying for dates is an antiquated notion that should be left in history books. I know that some guys insist on always paying, which is obviously their choice. Truthfuly, this is rarely about economics but moreso about male/female dynamics. I know that vast majority of guys, in a metropolitan setting truly appreciate if a woman offers to pay her share, even if they promptly turn down that offer. Let me ask you ladies this: If you expect a man to pay for everything, always: it must be because you believe that your time is more valueable than his, he owes you something or that in fact you are selling him something. In the last case, I will bluntly call it prostitution because thats exactly what it is. Most women today are independent and work, so there is no reason they cant offer to pay their share, even if its only sometimes and even if it is turned down by the guy.
1. My parents did not raise me to expect anything from a man, ever. My father did, however, teach me what a real man is.
2. Not sure where you are as your profile does not give much information. I grew up outside of Washington DC until the age of about 15, when we moved to the southern portion of Virginia. The is where my first date occurred and where I came across my first real boyfriend. I would guess it was he who set the stage of what I thought men were supposed to do. He was 17 and I was 15 and at that age, he already had his own business and would not have ever had me pay for anything, and I imagine that is what his father taught him. That was in 1989. I am 38 now.
3. Once again, I do not expect anything from a man. One should not assume anything out of someone else, or a group of people as a whole. My boyfriends time is just as valuable as mine. He owes me nothing. I sold him nothing.

You can take your prostitution comment and shove it right where the sun doesn't shine.

Did I expect him to bring me flowers and my favorite coffee on our first date? No, but he did. He has taken me places and has and spent more time and money on me than every man combined has in my life, and this is to include my ex husband who I was with for 16 years!

I don't ask him to, he just does it. I even tell him he doesn't have to do it, even still, he does. Do I do things for him? Of course I do...

The thing with all of this, understand, is some of the things he does for me or says to me which do not cost a dime are what makes me love him so much.

I do not care about money or things. I am not that way. I am certainly not prostituting my time.

I have a feeling you think you are far superior to women and think that maybe they owe you something......
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Old 01-21-2012, 10:46 PM
 
8,679 posts, read 15,220,871 times
Reputation: 15341
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
If your post history was viewable then I would be able to quote you. The one where you say that the guys you date are so nice because they don't let you pay even when you "try". At the most you would maybe buy a drink. That's when I asked you why you weren't as tough to put your foot down and go "Hey! Enough is enough! Either I pay or else" remember we talked about that? Where I asked why so softie with that? Don't tell me you forgot.
My post history is viewable, right under my name, "Find all posts by Yzette." When you find it, quote it so that we may click on it and check it for accuracy.
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Old 01-22-2012, 12:12 AM
 
6,497 posts, read 11,768,215 times
Reputation: 11122
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix_down View Post
I don't mind paying for the first couple of dates. But she must OFFER to split the bill. If not, she's done. This is 2012, there is no reason that women can't share cost of a date.
YOU ask for a date and you expect her offer to pay? Really? You've got to be kidding.
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Old 01-22-2012, 12:41 AM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,941,923 times
Reputation: 20083
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
YOU ask for a date and you expect her offer to pay? Really? You've got to be kidding.
As a female, I always offer to help pay on the first date. I expect my date to pay, but I think offering is polite. If he accepts my money on the first date, then I'm probably not going to see him again because I don't want to be with one of those "women want to be equal, they should be treated like men" buffoons.

After the first time out, I'm game for paying whatever.
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Old 01-22-2012, 12:49 AM
 
Location: So Cal
51,847 posts, read 52,242,349 times
Reputation: 52309
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
As a female, I always offer to help pay on the first date. I expect my date to pay, but I think offering is polite. If he accepts my money on the first date, then I'm probably not going to see him again because I don't want to be with one of those "women want to be equal, they should be treated like men" buffoons.

After the first time out, I'm game for paying whatever.
Well, I think we're around the same age... you may be a few yrs younger... but IDK, I think that it would just be odd if the guy didn't pay the first couple times at least... IDK.

That's how I roll at least......
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Old 01-22-2012, 12:52 AM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,929,537 times
Reputation: 13948
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
Well, I think we're around the same age... you may be a few yrs younger... but IDK, I think that it would just be odd if the guy didn't pay the first couple times at least... IDK.

That's how I roll at least......
I agree. I'd appreciate the offer of her paying her half the first few dates, but I'd tell her to save her cash.
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