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Old 01-22-2012, 10:12 AM
 
Location: CA
2,464 posts, read 6,467,229 times
Reputation: 2641

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheBeagleLady View Post
If the income disparity is that great, then expecting an even split is probably not realistic. Still, how hard is it to throw down $20 or $30 every now and then for a meal out? I guess some women don't mind always taking from a man. That's just not my style.
It's not difficult at all. If a woman can afford to do it. Great. If not, then shouldn't be dating until she can. Relationships are not all about money though and I'm not the type of person to obsess over it, it's not my style.
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:15 AM
 
Location: CA
2,464 posts, read 6,467,229 times
Reputation: 2641
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
I've been thinking about this for the last few days... Now that we have a son - what will we teach him? And I know I'm going to get flack for this - but we are going to teach him to be a gentleman. "A gentleman? What's that? It's time for the women to be the gentleman!" Yes, I know that is how many of you feel. But - I'm going to teach him to go for what he wants. If he likes a certain young lady - he should take the initiative and ask her out. And he should pay for the date, like a gentleman. He should also hold doors open for her and compliment her, like a gentleman. And how can he tell if the young lady is a keeper? She should offer to pay at the end of the date. She should thank him for opening the door. She should compliment him in return. And if I was raising a daughter - I would also tell her to go after what she wants. There is nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out. And if she does, she should pay. A gentleman will offer to pay - but if she asked him out, she should insist on paying.

Maybe I'm old school - but I still think men should act like gentlemen and women should act like ladies. And I don't mean that women should cross their legs at the ankles or that men should earn all the money - I'm talking about manners, courtesy, and respect. There are so many people on here that just don't seem to have any respect for the other gender. I'm raising my son to be respectful - hopefully!
You always give really nice thoughtful post dewdrop. I'd give you more reps but I have to spread it around. I'm probably a bit old school too and I agree with everything you wrote. Good relationships are based upon respect for one another - and people should do what is the most respectful choice.
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:25 AM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,991,145 times
Reputation: 13949
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
I've been thinking about this for the last few days... Now that we have a son - what will we teach him? And I know I'm going to get flack for this - but we are going to teach him to be a gentleman. "A gentleman? What's that? It's time for the women to be the gentleman!" Yes, I know that is how many of you feel. But - I'm going to teach him to go for what he wants. If he likes a certain young lady - he should take the initiative and ask her out. And he should pay for the date, like a gentleman. He should also hold doors open for her and compliment her, like a gentleman. And how can he tell if the young lady is a keeper? She should offer to pay at the end of the date. She should thank him for opening the door. She should compliment him in return. And if I was raising a daughter - I would also tell her to go after what she wants. There is nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out. And if she does, she should pay. A gentleman will offer to pay - but if she asked him out, she should insist on paying.

Maybe I'm old school - but I still think men should act like gentlemen and women should act like ladies. And I don't mean that women should cross their legs at the ankles or that men should earn all the money - I'm talking about manners, courtesy, and respect. There are so many people on here that just don't seem to have any respect for the other gender. I'm raising my son to be respectful - hopefully!
I can say that I envy your son. Both of my parents worked a lot, often more than 12 hours a day to live, or were in the hospital and was staying with my neighbors. I had to do my best to teach myself how to do all of these things. I taught myself what to not do because I would see my aunt get beat by her husband, or she'd call my mom about him doing it, which I listened to. He was the typical drink all day then go home to the wife and get mad type. When I was old enough to comprehend what was happening, I drove over there and I dealt with him. He didn't like it either. That's when I realized that having respect for women was important.

But hell I hold doors for everyone. Friends, strangers, whenever I would open a door I'd let others behind me move through it. Just feels right.
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:27 AM
 
6,143 posts, read 7,553,794 times
Reputation: 6617
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommabear2 View Post
It's not difficult at all. If a woman can afford to do it. Great. If not, then shouldn't be dating until she can. Relationships are not all about money though and I'm not the type of person to obsess over it, it's not my style.
I don't obsess over it either, which is why I don't throw a fit if a guy doesn't feel like paying all the time (not directed at you). We all have bills to pay and never enough money. I care more about the time spent together.
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:28 AM
 
Location: FL
2,392 posts, read 5,723,141 times
Reputation: 1277
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxbabeechick View Post
Me too. I'm a waitress in my 20s and I'm attracted to educated men in their late 30s. All the men I've dated make considerably more than me. It's be sort of ridiculous if I said, "I got this." Cause, well, I don't. And they know I don't. I've never had a man suggest going dutch or me paying, and they often offer to pay for things I expect to pay for (like my cab ride home).
Would you ever pay for a meal if you're out with one of these guys? I'm not taking about an expensive meal but something reasonable.

I hear your point about the income disparity, but I'm a educated guy in my 30s making decent money. It doesn't matter how hot the woman is, I just can't see paying for everything for a woman that has a job without her at least offering to pitch in. For me that's just something that would cause me to take pause. But then again, I've never dated women that couldn't afford to pay for meals or concert tickets or miscellaneous items for the two of us.
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:30 AM
 
6,143 posts, read 7,553,794 times
Reputation: 6617
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
I've been thinking about this for the last few days... Now that we have a son - what will we teach him? And I know I'm going to get flack for this - but we are going to teach him to be a gentleman. "A gentleman? What's that? It's time for the women to be the gentleman!" Yes, I know that is how many of you feel. But - I'm going to teach him to go for what he wants. If he likes a certain young lady - he should take the initiative and ask her out. And he should pay for the date, like a gentleman. He should also hold doors open for her and compliment her, like a gentleman. And how can he tell if the young lady is a keeper? She should offer to pay at the end of the date. She should thank him for opening the door. She should compliment him in return. And if I was raising a daughter - I would also tell her to go after what she wants. There is nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out. And if she does, she should pay. A gentleman will offer to pay - but if she asked him out, she should insist on paying.

Maybe I'm old school - but I still think men should act like gentlemen and women should act like ladies. And I don't mean that women should cross their legs at the ankles or that men should earn all the money - I'm talking about manners, courtesy, and respect. There are so many people on here that just don't seem to have any respect for the other gender. I'm raising my son to be respectful - hopefully!
I see nothing wrong with this! That's how it should be.
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:31 AM
 
Location: FL
2,392 posts, read 5,723,141 times
Reputation: 1277
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommabear2 View Post
It's not difficult at all. If a woman can afford to do it. Great. If not, then shouldn't be dating until she can.
Hey, "xxbabeechick" you should read this. It's true.
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:41 AM
 
6,143 posts, read 7,553,794 times
Reputation: 6617
Quote:
Originally Posted by he's so hott View Post
Would you ever pay for a meal if you're out with one of these guys? I'm not taking about an expensive meal but something reasonable.

I hear your point about the income disparity, but I'm a educated guy in my 30s making decent money. It doesn't matter how hot the woman is, I just can't see paying for everything for a woman that has a job without her at least offering to pitch in. For me that's just something that would cause me to take pause. But then again, I've never dated women that couldn't afford to pay for meals or concert tickets or miscellaneous items for the two of us.
That's the thing. Who says these women have to pay for a meal at an expensive restaurant? There are reasonable options.

As for my situation with the concert tickets. I technically could have afforded it. However, I wasn't about to waste hundreds of dollars on a ticket because he couldn't be happy with less expensive seats.
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Old 01-22-2012, 11:06 AM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,603,302 times
Reputation: 5793
"She has spent hours on her hair and make up, bought a new outfit and done her nails. So perhaps it is only fair that her date should pay for dinner.
Pretty women are less likely than plain Janes to offer to contribute towards the bill on a first date, research shows.
But they are not worried about the expense - it is likely to be because they believe their date should pay for the pleasure of being with them, according to researchers at St Andrews University.
The intriguing finding comes from a study of 416 men and women who were asked to rate themselves for attractiveness, ahead of going on a series of hypothetical dates.
In each case, they were shown a picture of their ‘date’, told to imagine they had been for dinner together, and asked to decide who should pay for the meal.
They could decide to pay for the entire meal, nominate their date to pay or choose to split the bill.
The answers revealed that the good-looking women were less likely to want to contribute towards the costs. Handsome men were also reluctant to splash the cash.
Researcher Michael Stirrat said: ‘They quite literally bring more to the table, so they expect the other person to pick up the tab or expect to pay for the bill.’

Things, however, may change, if the man wants to impress.
The study, published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology, showed that a man is more willing to pay for a good-looking woman.

Dr Stirrat said: ‘When a man offers to pay for the meal he is to some extent saying “I’m interested, I’d like a second date, I’d like to see you again”.’




But with women, the opposite is true. The study found that a woman expects a good-looking man to pay for her, perhaps as a way of making him invest in their future.
The researcher said: ‘When the woman lets the man pay for her, she is basically saying she’d like a second date.’

It also means that if a woman does insist on paying, or at least making a contribution, it may be a sign that the date hasn’t gone well.
Dr Stirrat said: ‘If he is less attractive, she’d rather split the bill.’

Overall, some 45 per cent of the women said they’d expect their date to pick up the entire tab, compared with just 30 per cent of the men.
The favoured scenario, with both sexes, was splitting the bill or ‘going Dutch’, something that goes against etiquette, according to Debrett’s.
The authority on manners, style and taste says the task of paying the bill should fall to the person who set up the date – no matter what they look like.
Debrett’s director David Miller said: ‘There is one abiding rule when it comes to it – the person who requests the pleasure, pays for the pleasure.

‘So as a simple point of etiquette, you should pick up the tab for a lunch, dinner or a raft of cocktails, whether dating or on a business lunch – if you have invited the other person.
‘Once you get beyond the first date stage – which is what I assume to be the scenario in the research, protocol does begin to change.

‘I’d suggest that that is less to do with attractiveness and more to do with practical matters such as both partners realising it’s unfair that one of them always pays, or perhaps it’s a special occasion like a birthday where one wants to spoil the other, or indeed some women are actively insulted if men always insist on paying."
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Old 01-22-2012, 11:09 AM
 
6,497 posts, read 11,812,088 times
Reputation: 11124
I a guy expects me to pay for "my half" of a the concert tickets that he has invited me out for, then I won't go. then it's not a date. He might as well just ask one of his buddies to go so they can then hook up at the concert with a couple of girls that will give them something for nothing.

Really guys, if you ask a woman out on a date, don't even expect her to offer to pay. Why should she? I'd only pay if I'm in an exclusive relationship with the guy, or I ask him out on a date.
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