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Old 01-22-2012, 04:10 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 6,473,176 times
Reputation: 3482

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Quote:
Originally Posted by greenvillebuckeye View Post
Just ended a "relationship" with a girl who ended it by texting me saying she needs a guy who pays for things the majority of the time. Keep in mind I paid for the first 4 dates, a weekend trip to the beach for two and this past weekend she paid for waffle house and then we split a meal at panera bread. a few hours later after panera she texts me saying she needs a guy who pays for the majority of the dates. i didn't realize that her paying for waffle house was too much for her haha. i'm a teacher and make a king's ransom obviously ;-). i also drove us everywhere and would buy her random things like cigarettes, wine, even cooked meals at her place i bought everything from the grocery store.

so ladies how long into a dating do you start paying?
She's a user. Glad that she dumped you because you dodge a huge bullet there.

It depends on the person and the circumstances about paying for dates. How about telling your date upfront on splitting the bill and see what happens? If she agrees, she's a keeper and if she doesn't agree, then move on.
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Old 01-22-2012, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,160,393 times
Reputation: 22276
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raging-Hetero View Post
Even though I perform all the acts highlighted above, I still do not see myself as a gentleman because gentlemen are chivalrous in the traditional sense. I, on the other hand, detest chivalry.



I'm sure the definition of a lady lies somewhere in this paragraph but I can't seem to wrap my hands around it. Perhaps you could explicitly state the actions required of a lady as you did for a gentleman as per dating. What exactly is the difference between a lady and a gentleman?



What's odd is that I actually do not recollect my father or mother ever telling me to respect women. Nevertheless, I am of the opinion that Respect should be handled on an individual basis regardless of gender. Sure, I respect some people who happen to be women, but it's not because they are women.

What about the bad men and women? Would you teach your son to respect them also?
I think you are reading way too much into what I am saying. My definition of a lady was someone who offers to pay, also compliments her date, and is appreciative and grateful of her date if he in fact, acts like a gentleman. The respect, manners, and courtesy I speak of are for how people interact with others. I'm not talking about blindly giving the utmost respect to wife beaters or drug addicts. I mean that I open the door for people. I am polite to people. I treat people the way I would like to be treated. If I am on a date with someone - I sure hope I respect them and am respectful to them. If I don't respect them - why the hell am I on a date with them?

And I always offer to pay. On the first date - I do think that whoever asked should pay - but it is still polite for the other person to offer. To delve a little further - I also believe in doing nice things for people. If someone asks me out on a date and wants to pay - I will offer to pay - but if they refuse my offer, I hope they do so because they want to do something nice for me. I hope they take joy in doing something nice. The same goes for if I invite someone out and pay for them - I am doing it because I take joy in treating someone. If I bought tickets to a show and took someone - I would be doing it because I want to do something nice and it makes me feel good. I'm a generous person and I want to be with a generous person in return. If the person I'm dating is only thinking - well, she'd better pay for her share or else she'd better put out - that is someone I have no interest in seeing again. My husband and I both like being generous with each other. It makes us happy to make each other happy. Oh- and for the record - I have never had a guy drop a load of cash on a date unless we were already seriously involved with each other. That would make me really uncomfortable. Dating is for getting to know someone. I think the special stuff should be reserved for when you know you are with someone special.

Nobody has to be a gentleman nowadays. And that's fine. But I still prefer someone who is a gentleman and I married a gentleman. In this day and age - we can do whatever we please. However, I do hope that I raise my son to be a gentleman.
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Old 01-22-2012, 04:58 PM
 
2,094 posts, read 3,653,581 times
Reputation: 2296
For the guys: Stop asking women out and you won't be expected to pay. Let them ask you out and they'll be expected to pay. If she asks you out AND expects you to pay, act surprised and say "but you asked me out" or just don't date her anymore.[/quote]


And if she pays be ready to give her some really satisfying sex or risk being called a gold-diggerLOL
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Old 01-22-2012, 05:12 PM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,997,176 times
Reputation: 20090
Quote:
Originally Posted by 8635angelvalley View Post


And if she pays be ready to give her some really satisfying sex or risk being called a gold-diggerLOL
Heck yeah. If I pay, I expect some play.
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Old 01-22-2012, 06:27 PM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,603,302 times
Reputation: 5793
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
Well, to be honest, in your view, it's like inviting guests to a party you're hosting and expecting them to offer to foot the bill for it.

Do you not see anything wrong with that? Do you drop your friends for not offering?
Not really. Its more like you inviting guests to a party you're hosting, and when they show up, they bring a bottle of wine or a desert. This is the norm in my circles, perhaps where you are the norm is to show up empty handed.
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Old 01-22-2012, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Where Dance Music comes first
1,904 posts, read 2,986,733 times
Reputation: 2260
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
I think you are reading way too much into what I am saying. My definition of a lady was someone who offers to pay, also compliments her date, and is appreciative and grateful of her date if he in fact, acts like a gentleman. The respect, manners, and courtesy I speak of are for how people interact with others. I'm not talking about blindly giving the utmost respect to wife beaters or drug addicts. I mean that I open the door for people. I am polite to people. I treat people the way I would like to be treated. If I am on a date with someone - I sure hope I respect them and am respectful to them. If I don't respect them - why the hell am I on a date with them?

. On the first date - I do think that whoever asked should pay - but it is still polite for the other person to offer. To delve a little further - I also believe in doing nice things for people. If someone asks me out on a date and wants to pay - I will offer to pay - but if they refuse my offer, I hope they do so because they want to do something nice for me. I hope they take joy in doing something nice. The same goes for if I invite someone out and pay for them - I am doing it because I take joy in treating someone. If I bought tickets to a show and took someone - I would be doing it because I want to do something nice and it makes me feel good. I'm a generous person and I want to be with a generous person in return. If the person I'm dating is only thinking - well, she'd better pay for her share or else she'd better put out - that is someone I have no interest in seeing again. My husband and I both like being generous with each other. It makes us happy to make each other happy. Oh- and for the record - I have never had a guy drop a load of cash on a date unless we were already seriously involved with each other. That would make me really uncomfortable. Dating is for getting to know someone. I think the special stuff should be reserved for when you know you are with someone special.

Nobody has to be a gentleman nowadays. And that's fine. But I still prefer someone who is a gentleman and I married a gentleman. In this day and age - we can do whatever we please. However, I do hope that I raise my son to be a gentleman.
Fair enough.
Quote:
And I always offer to pay
And what would you think of a man who calls you on your offer? And Let's assume it's the first date and he did the asking.

Anyway, I think the only qualm I have about picking up tabs is that I hate being pigeonholed. Sure, I'll pick up the tab because I asked you out, but I am disgusted by the notion that it's my responsibility to pick up the tab because I am a man, and I'm wary of women who harbor that notion.

Last edited by Raging-Hetero; 01-22-2012 at 07:28 PM.. Reason: New stuff
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Old 01-22-2012, 07:17 PM
 
6,497 posts, read 11,812,088 times
Reputation: 11124
Quote:
Originally Posted by misiu007 View Post
Not really. Its more like you inviting guests to a party you're hosting, and when they show up, they bring a bottle of wine or a desert. This is the norm in my circles, perhaps where you are the norm is to show up empty handed.
A hostess/host gift is not the same. It's proper etiquette. When you invite someone on a date, you're essentially the host. Don't ask them to foot any part of the bill, it's bad etiquette. And to use that as a test is just ridiculous.

ETA: bringing a gift to a party is NOT the same type of situation as a date. And a gift is never mandatory, just good etiquette. Really dude, you need to get yourself an etiquette book. A party and a date are not even close to comparison.

Last edited by steelstress; 01-22-2012 at 07:31 PM.. Reason: ETA: Host gifting
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Old 01-22-2012, 08:07 PM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,603,302 times
Reputation: 5793
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
A hostess/host gift is not the same. It's proper etiquette. When you invite someone on a date, you're essentially the host. Don't ask them to foot any part of the bill, it's bad etiquette. And to use that as a test is just ridiculous.

ETA: bringing a gift to a party is NOT the same type of situation as a date. And a gift is never mandatory, just good etiquette. Really dude, you need to get yourself an etiquette book. A party and a date are not even close to comparison.
You made that comparison not me. In your comparison, the host picks up all of the party costs, and the guests bring some sort of a gift, and in this way they contribute to the party. A girl who expects her way paid, all of the time, contributes nothing unless you believe her time is more valuable, which it obviously isnt.

Last edited by Ascension2012; 01-22-2012 at 08:18 PM..
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Old 01-22-2012, 08:46 PM
 
4 posts, read 5,055 times
Reputation: 15
Me and my girlfriend try to do a back and forth kind of thing. This has been what has usually happened with all of my girlfriends. I'll pay for something, she'll pay for something. Usually I would end up paying for more, but I don't really care. I appreciate that they were all very willing to do this without having to really talk about it.
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Old 01-22-2012, 09:30 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
527 posts, read 1,232,470 times
Reputation: 448
Quote:
Originally Posted by misiu007 View Post
You made that comparison not me. In your comparison, the host picks up all of the party costs, and the guests bring some sort of a gift, and in this way they contribute to the party. A girl who expects her way paid, all of the time, contributes nothing unless you believe her time is more valuable, which it obviously isnt.
Just let it go. No one is going to change another's view. So there is no use going in circles. Be and let be
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