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Old 01-22-2012, 10:39 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,060,658 times
Reputation: 22274

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raging-Hetero View Post
Fair enough.

And what would you think of a man who calls you on your offer? And Let's assume it's the first date and he did the asking.

Anyway, I think the only qualm I have about picking up tabs is that I hate being pigeonholed. Sure, I'll pick up the tab because I asked you out, but I am disgusted by the notion that it's my responsibility to pick up the tab because I am a man, and I'm wary of women who harbor that notion.
Honestly - I couldn't say what I would think of a guy who let me split the check because this is one tiny aspect of a date. My gut instinct is to say that he's not very generous. If he liked me enough to ask me out - does he not like me enough to treat me for our first date? Also - I'm assuming we are somewhere inexpensive since I can't imagine going somewhere really nice on a first date with someone unless I already knew them really well. But maybe we got along great, maybe he made me laugh, maybe he and I really clicked, maybe everything was really casual and it just seemed natural to go dutch or to let me pay. Maybe we had a running joke about who was going to pick up the check. I really couldn't tell you. How a date goes depends entirely on the two people involved. There is no equation for a perfect date and there is no equation for the perfect love.

The thing is - I like doing nice things for people. I like treating people. I like baking things for people. I like cooking dinner for people. I like throwing parties. I like getting presents for people. I enjoy doing things for people - and I want to be with someone who enjoys doing things for me, too. I'm always appreciative and I always show my thanks - and to be honest, I prefer to be the giver rather than the receiver - but I do want to be with someone that enjoys being nice to me.
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:43 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
527 posts, read 1,229,033 times
Reputation: 448
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
The thing is - I like doing nice things for people. I like treating people. I like baking things for people. I like cooking dinner for people. I like throwing parties. I like getting presents for people. I enjoy doing things for people - and I want to be with someone who enjoys doing things for me, too. I'm always appreciative and I always show my thanks - and to be honest, I prefer to be the giver rather than the receiver - but I do want to be with someone that enjoys being nice to me.
Well said. More women should be like you (IMHO)
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:50 PM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,929,537 times
Reputation: 13948
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
Heck yeah. If I pay, I expect some play.
LOL
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Old 01-23-2012, 02:47 AM
 
Location: london
123 posts, read 255,922 times
Reputation: 177
I never paid for the dates even though i always offered to pay. Every guy i dated , they never ever let me to pay for anything and for that we always had a little fight over this subject. With my husband oh.. he didn`t let me to pay even for what i wanted to buy for me. So where in hell do u find guys that agree to pay 50/50 for the date...?
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Old 01-23-2012, 09:58 AM
 
774 posts, read 2,588,544 times
Reputation: 739
Ummmmm. Consider yourself lucky she's gone. Rule is simple. The one that asks pays. Of you planned thedate then you pay. If she asked then she pays.

Far too many women these days think they can have free ride just because they spend time with us or are sleeping with us.

I'll say it again. Consider yourself lucky. Now she's some other guys charity.
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Old 01-23-2012, 10:11 AM
 
6,534 posts, read 7,251,208 times
Reputation: 3800
Quote:
Originally Posted by kristisha View Post
I never paid for the dates even though i always offered to pay. Every guy i dated , they never ever let me to pay for anything and for that we always had a little fight over this subject. With my husband oh.. he didn`t let me to pay even for what i wanted to buy for me. So where in hell do u find guys that agree to pay 50/50 for the date...?
There are couples like that where the guy never ever lets the wife contribute to dating expenses as they both see it as a man's duty/job. Then, they get married and the wife doesn't let him do house chores as she feels it is her responsability as a woman. Each couple does as they see fit, right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DELL37 View Post
Ummmmm. Consider yourself lucky she's gone. Rule is simple. The one that asks pays. Of you planned the date then you pay. If she asked then she pays.


That is, if she asks. There is a higher possibility that a girl will ask you out if you are married, her long time boyfriend, or have been dating for quite a while. There are a few exceptions out there of course. Just look at all the threads that talk about women who just met a guy who interests them and are not sure if they should ask the guy out or not.

Last edited by onihC; 01-23-2012 at 10:28 AM..
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Old 01-23-2012, 01:43 PM
 
Location: Astoria, NY
3,052 posts, read 4,289,667 times
Reputation: 2475
Quote:
Originally Posted by hshaitan View Post
Me and my girlfriend try to do a back and forth kind of thing. This has been what has usually happened with all of my girlfriends. I'll pay for something, she'll pay for something. Usually I would end up paying for more, but I don't really care. I appreciate that they were all very willing to do this without having to really talk about it.
That's the point. It's not really about who pays, it's about the expectations/compatibility. If one person feels they're getting the short end of the stick it's not going to work. A lot of guys don't see any other way besides paying, and a lot of people get into a routine of split expenses. Just the dynamic of the relationship.

As long as both parties are happy, everything's fine. It's one of those things there's no "right" way to go about.
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Old 01-23-2012, 02:07 PM
 
9,408 posts, read 13,692,202 times
Reputation: 20394
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
Heck yeah. If I pay, I expect some play.



It's about power and control and it works both ways.
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Old 01-23-2012, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,060,658 times
Reputation: 22274
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post


It's about power and control and it works both ways.
I think it CAN be about power and control - but it doesn't have to be. And I think the key is to find the person with whom it's not about power and control. I'm not sure I said that very well... Hmm...
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Old 01-23-2012, 02:25 PM
 
Location: Apache Junction
148 posts, read 301,338 times
Reputation: 129
I don't know. When I was dating, if I was asked out the unspoken understanding is that the person who asked the other person out paid.
OTOH - I did my share by inviting my dates over for supper. I never expected them to pay for their portion of the meal - or my portion either.
If you ask, you pay.
Just make sure that you ask as often as your date. It all evens out and who doesn't like feeling pampered and special? A date asking for my share of the meal doesn't feel special at all. And quite honestly I wouldn't be feeling too amorous if that is how it came down. KWIM. A little honey goes a long way.
The rule of thumb in any given situation is: Treat someone the way you want to be treated.
Common sense folks.
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