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Old 12-26-2012, 09:00 AM
 
2,028 posts, read 1,887,300 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLucky View Post
Some men prefer to be in charge of paying for everything for the women they like (especially when they earn more), so I think OP's date prefers to be with that kind. Nothing wrong with it.
I'm aware of the OP and his date, but I was specifically asking escapenc that question because his/her statement was very absolute. It didn't refer to "some men" or income levels.
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Old 12-26-2012, 09:27 AM
 
2,013 posts, read 3,546,049 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Freedom123 View Post
I'm aware of the OP and his date, but I was specifically asking escapenc that question because his/her statement was very absolute. It didn't refer to "some men" or income levels.
Uh. Dumb me.
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Old 12-26-2012, 09:40 AM
 
2,028 posts, read 1,887,300 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLucky View Post
Uh. Dumb me.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Happy holidays!
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Old 12-27-2012, 02:41 PM
 
2,309 posts, read 3,846,456 times
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wow a post i started re-surfaced 18 months later :-). haha. nice.
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Old 12-27-2012, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, TX
1,469 posts, read 1,800,509 times
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Default I don't mind

Quote:
Originally Posted by greenvillebuckeye View Post
Just ended a "relationship" with a girl who ended it by texting me saying she needs a guy who pays for things the majority of the time. Keep in mind I paid for the first 4 dates, a weekend trip to the beach for two and this past weekend she paid for waffle house and then we split a meal at panera bread. a few hours later after panera she texts me saying she needs a guy who pays for the majority of the dates. i didn't realize that her paying for waffle house was too much for her haha. i'm a teacher and make a king's ransom obviously ;-). i also drove us everywhere and would buy her random things like cigarettes, wine, even cooked meals at her place i bought everything from the grocery store.

so ladies how long into a dating do you start paying?

You now know where she is coming from, she is looking for that traditional male type. I start offering to pay on the first date because I don't want a male to think he owes me if he pays for my linguini or buy me a margarita. I never go on dates without money, and also, if I have been going on dates with a guy for a bit and he has been paying I don't mind footing the bill or double dutching. But, as I have stated, I offer to at least pay my half from the beginning, and as we become more familiar I don't mind picking up the tab, just not often, as it wouldn't be often for him.
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Old 12-27-2012, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, TX
1,469 posts, read 1,800,509 times
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Default Goodness

Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Like I said before. You have enjoyed men spending their paychecks on you, showering you with gifts, lavish lifestyle, wining/dining, buying you computers and tvs, romancing you, wooing you, etc. and you happily enjoy receiving it all and rarely ever buy a drink for him but when it comes to house chores “hell naw! I ain’t doing it all!” So you changed your views after a divorce? You said that you married a guy who you took care of, right? and now you are going for the total opposite when it comes to guys.

Mod cut: It's getting too personal, people.

You are stuck on these house chores, dang what is your spouse having you do??
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Old 12-28-2012, 10:23 AM
 
1,342 posts, read 2,161,275 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Betsy84 View Post
Then men should bring this up clearly when he meets a woman. If it isn't brought up and he pays anyway...his problem.

There was another thread about this recently....why don't men clearly state that this is their preference.

Hmmm...
How old are you? My little sister's generation it's assumed they're going dutch right off the bat. I was just starting to see that in high school almost 20 years ago. I can only imagine that it's become the default on an even wider scale by now. Thus it shouldn't even required the guy say something. If YOU are assuming men still behave like it's the 1950s, well, quite frankly that's your problem and you're the one who needs to adjust.
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Old 12-28-2012, 10:32 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,676,585 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seekingcreativity View Post
You are stuck on these house chores, dang what is your spouse having you do??
According to Onihc, housework comprises little more than rinsing out your bowls of Cheerios and macaroni and cheese when you're done with them. It takes minutes a day and is no big thing, so I don't know what he is complaining about.
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Old 12-28-2012, 11:14 AM
 
1,342 posts, read 2,161,275 times
Reputation: 1037
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
Regardless of gender, asking for a date is putting yourself in the position of host, and your date the position of guest. Hosts do not ask guests to pay. Guests may offer, but hosts should not request. It's rude.

And yes, it's really that simple.
I get what you're trying to say, and I agree that hosts shouldn't expect their guests to pay. However, this doesn't jive with the dating scene since most dates are the guys asking women out. Guys generally are the leaders and if they're the ones constantly in the driver's seat then they'd always be the ones paying if we followed your framing of the date as men being the host and women being the guest.

My strong recommendation is to trade off paying for dates or come up with some type of system that's fair to both. I hate to use this example since dinner and a movie is a terrible date idea, but one person could pay for the meal and the other person could pay for the tickets. If that doesn't work out if one person makes much less than the other, then the high earner could pay for the meal and the low earner could pay for the tip. Stuff like that.

Guys, the tone of the relationship is set right from the start. If you want all of your income going into her pocket, so to speak, then by all means pay for everything, let her get accustomed to it, and don't be surprised when she bolts if there's any hiccups in your employment status.

Relationships need to be a partnership, and partners don't expect nor rely on the generosity of others to make their way in life. You should work together to get things done. Having a system that's equal & fair is the way to go. And it's the ONLY way you're going to protect yourselves from being taken advantage of by women like this:

Woman uses dating site to get $1,200/month in free meals - On the Edge - Kristi Gustafson Barlette - Style Fashion Dating Blog - timesunion.com - Albany NY

Another poster already commented on how this sort of behavior is not uncommon in places like NYC.
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Old 12-28-2012, 01:54 PM
 
2,028 posts, read 1,887,300 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nutz76 View Post
I get what you're trying to say, and I agree that hosts shouldn't expect their guests to pay. However, this doesn't jive with the dating scene since most dates are the guys asking women out.
It doesn't have to be this way, many men allow this to happen. I've been lucky enough to meet women who enjoy playing host, enjoy extending the invite, and enjoy treating, just as I enjoy doing those things. Some will even fight for the check. I love the reciprocity!

If I encounter a woman who never plays host I take her as not being seriously into me. Or, if she extends an invite and expects me to pay, I don't take her seriously from that point forward and will more than likely move on.
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