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Maybe he was an idiot? I have no idea. We were paying in cash, I laid down my share +tip (I actually ended up paying more than he did) and he didn't say a thing about it. We were walking back to our cars and I gave him a hug, kiss on the cheek and said 'I had fun, I'd like to see you again sometime.'
How could that be misconstrued?
And he said what, that you must not like him because you paid for your share of the bill?
1) The same way the developed. Over time and by trial and error seeing what works, and what doesn't.
2) By rational, thoughtful people 'spreading the word'
After a few weeks?
He might not have been that into you
That's definitely a possibility. He said they'd been together less than 2 weeks though.
Apparently, I was the only person who took relationships seriously where I lived and didn't call some guy my boyfriend after going out with them twice.
Maybe he was an idiot? I have no idea. We were paying in cash, I laid down my share +tip (I actually ended up paying more than he did) and he didn't say a thing about it. We were walking back to our cars and I gave him a hug, kiss on the cheek and said 'I had fun, I'd like to see you again sometime.'
How could that be misconstrued?
I'd put him in the idiot category at worst, and the dense in regards to signals category at best.
I understand your plight with misunderstandings like this, I've had my share. To avoid them I'm willing to go above and beyond, that includes adding common misunderstandings to the conversation in a humorous way to address it, or calling someone after the date even if I'm not sure if she's still interested.
If I were a woman and had my same mindset, I'd turn this into lemonade on a future date as part of our banter. Example: "Hey, curious question: If you're on a date with a woman and she pays her own way, do you think it means she's not interested? That misunderstanding happened to me before, so I just wanted to get your take on it." (I'd say it with a smile so he knows I'm being playful about it)
And he said what, that you must not like him because you paid for your share of the bill?
Yep. We talked a few weeks after we went on that date after running into each other at a bar, and he said that he thought I was 'letting him down nicely' by saying all of that stuff.
Guys are always saying women are hard to figure out...I just don't get men.
What happened after that interaction, when he said he thought you weren't interested? Couldn't the spark have been rekindled at that point?
Did you not communicated during the date? You paid but did you hint at, or, gasp, even flat out state, that you'd like to see him again?
This goes back to my point about social mores that no one seems willing to touch.
The reason that mores exist is so that society can function without having to question a person's every action. We know what an action is supposed to mean.
However, since the conditions under which these (men paying, etc) mores were formed no longer exist, the more's themselves are breaking down. Thus, instead of simplifying our interactions, they are confusing them. The mores need to change.
Filihok I enjoy your post and a big fan of the socratic method and I see where your trying to get at about mores of society. I don't they can outright change but questioning them and not treating them as set in stone law of the universe and being open flexible among individuals can be good start.
The odd thing about it was, though, that Jet Jockey was in agreement with him from the start. She wasn't the one who needed convincing.
Good point, but her reason for agreement was different from filihok, at least from my understanding. She wants to pay her way so men don't think they're owed something. I could be wrong, but that's what I understood. Filihok wants equality in paying because social mores have changed.
To me, it seems she is conflicted about paying and not paying. If she pays, they think she's not interested. If they pay for her, they're trying to get something out of it. I understand her plight, as each man is different. That is the reason I gave her a playful conversational question to use in future dates, to get his opinion and philosophy long before the check comes.
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(I'd say it with a smile so he knows I'm being playful about it)
