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It seems like through things like online dating and such, people seem to have an one-and-done philosophy when it comes to searching for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect/Right?
Does that philosophy really work? Do people expect too much in wanting that happen to overnight? Seems like one should go on that first date, learn a little about each other (see if they laugh with you, have some mutual interests, ect.), and juts develop some sort of friendship first.
What are you looking for? Just a casual affair or a long-term relationship? Because a long-term relationship is about so much more than just chemistry. Chemistry is really nothing more than sexual attraction, which will never hold any couple together (if that is all they have), in the long run.
Find someone you like, someone you can laugh with and who shares common interests. Of course you need to find them attractive as well. Then you're on the road to love. Sexual chemistry usually don't last with most couples, why do you think the moment the sex intensity or frequency diminishes, they're out the door?
Yes, overrated. Compatibilty is more important. Also, just the friendship part is very important-some people marry people they wouldn't even be friends with, asinine.
Having similar life values and the 2 people being of the utmost character are the most important things.
It seems like through things like online dating and such, people seem to have an one-and-done philosophy when it comes to searching for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect/Right?
Does that philosophy really work? Do people expect too much in wanting that happen to overnight? Seems like one should go on that first date, learn a little about each other (see if they laugh with you, have some mutual interests, ect.), and juts develop some sort of friendship first.
I both agree and disagree, with the above points.
Yes to the fact that too much emphasis is placed on "chemistry", which is typically just vibes about the idea of hypothetical physical intimacy received from a first impression (which may or may not be an accurate representation of the person being evaluated for romantic partner potential).
A resounding no though, to being "friends first". It simply doesn't work, for the male gender, even if they really and truly are open to that idea. It's simple why: they will never be thought of, as more than friends, by their female love interest. "Friends first" can work for women, but not for men. B/c if a woman looks at a man as only a friend from the outset, then the prospects for a relationship are doomed from the very beginning
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 07-22-2011 at 01:24 PM..
Reason: Adds
I think for the majority of people, they so deperately want a relationship, that the only thing that matters is if the other person likes them. Sort of like a mutual need for someone. That makes the initial chemistry a lot faster and easier.
Yes to the fact that too much emphasis is placed on "chemistry", which is typically just vibes about the idea of hypothetical physical intimacy received from a first impression (which may or may not be an accurate representation of the person being evaluated for romantic partner potential).
A resounding no though, to being "friends first". It simply doesn't work, for the male gender, even if they really and truly are open to that idea. It's simple why: they will never be thought of, as more than friends, by their female love interest. "Friends first" can work for women, but not for men. B/c if a woman looks at a man as only a friend from the outset, then the prospects for a relationship are doomed from the very beginning
Knight your argument is somewhat flawed, you assume the man is always the one who settles for friendship. The man might be the one who wants the friendship and the women may have to settle for friendship even though she wants more...it goes both ways. Also you cannot downplay chemistry, its important, if you have chemistry with the girl chances are they wouldnt want to be just friends in the first place.
Knight your argument is somewhat flawed, you assume the man is always the one who settles for friendship. The man might be the one who wants the friendship and the women may have to settle for friendship even though she wants more...it goes both ways. Also you cannot downplay chemistry, its important, if you have chemistry with the girl chances are they wouldnt want to be just friends in the first place.
Hello darren Perhaps I worded my point poorly...what I meant to say is, women have 100% of the power, when it comes to romance and friendship. If she likes a guy as more than friends, that's wonderful and kudos to the blessed guy in that situation But...if the girl is only into friendship and only that, the guy doesn't have a chance at all with the female love interest, no matter what he does or says. That's all I meant.
As far as chemistry...I do not believe it is inconsequential in importance, for a relationship. Having said that however, it is purely s*xual in nature, and therefore much less important than other critical relatioship characteristics, in MHO.
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 07-22-2011 at 01:55 PM..
Reason: Corrected typos
It seems like through things like online dating and such, people seem to have an one-and-done philosophy when it comes to searching for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect/Right?
Does that philosophy really work? Do people expect too much in wanting that happen to overnight? Seems like one should go on that first date, learn a little about each other (see if they laugh with you, have some mutual interests, ect.), and juts develop some sort of friendship first.
Chemistry (or lack of it) is also The Great Excuse; it's the trump card you can play when you want to reject someone, but don't want them to be able to talk badly about you for it.
It seems as if I am in the minority when I state there has to be some form of chemistry between two people before pursuing a relationshiop and in my opinion this is neither superficial or based on instant gratification...
when looking for a potential SO certain factors must be in place at least imo...online and offline
1. Compatibility...
Likes/dislikes, core beliefs, values, common ground...if compatibilty is not present the person is setting themselves up for failure if merely going by looks alone..
2. physical .....to some degree...
I myself have gone on dates simply because I liked the way a person was and not based on looks alone and have found that I have liked the person...
3. Chemistry...This is the attraction piece, that pull that states.."Hey I really am liking this person.."
As far as chemistry I have surprised myself..I once dated this guy and he was not my type at all physically...but compatible? We were..The physical? Not intially..
Chemistry? After meeting him on our first date? I felt it..weird..It was natural to be with him, I noticed that dimple in his cheek, the sparkle in his eye and his laughter...his complete cool nerdiness! I was hooked..downfall? He was not looking for long term...
To whereas I have been on dates with men that were very good looking and compatible? To some degree..but upon meeting? And they opened their mouths? I realized that looks was realy all they had..No Sparks..no connection..no chemistry..
So yes chemistry is important..inititally
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Perhaps I worded my point poorly...what I meant to say is, women have 100% of the power, when it comes to romance and friendship. If she likes a guy as more than friends, that's wonderful and kudos to the blessed guy in that situation 
But...if the girl is only into friendship and only that, the guy doesn't have a chance at all with the female love interest, no matter what he does or says. That's all I meant. 
