Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm over my ex, but I can't stop wondering what she's up to these days or thinking about whether the guy she's with will eventually dump her/get dumped by her. So even though I'm not in love with her, I still think about her from time to time. I've blocked her from facebook to fight the urge to just send her a message asking how she's been.
I've hooked up with other women plenty of times since the breakup, but I haven't been in a relationship since. This leads me to think maybe I miss being in a relationship too much and I need to be in one to completely rid my ex from my mind. Maybe I'm not happy enough just getting with different women and I need to be in something serious again. Does that make sense?
Thanks in advance for your answers. Much appreciated.
Doesn't sound like you're necessarily "over" your ex but it's understandable to think about the ones who got away from time to time. Finding someone else helps, but it can also backfire if the new girl doesn't live up to your expectations. To me, this is why it's important to be happy single before getting back in a relationship. You're already happy and the relationship can enhance this.
When I've wanted to move on from someone or something I try to immerse myself in what I'm doing. Usually that ends up being a combination of sports, running and reading/writing.
Also, I've found that "hooking up" can lead to some empty feelings. It feels good at the time, but afterwards I realize that I would much rather be intimate with someone I have feelings for.
Heh heh. I heard that expression about the best way to get over someone...is to get under someone...
Which, unfortunately, is a bunch of crap and can cause all sorts of problems. You put off getting over the ex and you also don't give the new person a fair chance (there will be a lot of comparing, etc).
Nah, I think it's natural to wonder from time to time how your ex is doing. I mean, you probably spent a lot of time and emotional energy in this person...you were once extremely close and shared everything. To suddenly drop them out of your life is a shock to the system.
Mild, occasional interest, in my opinion, is natural.
Obsession and constant wondering and pining is another issue.
I'm over my ex, but I can't stop wondering what she's up to these days or thinking about whether the guy she's with will eventually dump her/get dumped by her.
If you were really over her, you wouldn't be thinking about her guy dumping her. It's completely natural to wonder what your ex's are up to in life and even who they're dating and whatnot. But wondering whether their relationship will end? That seems to me like you're not really over her.
The question you should be asking yourself is, do you want to be in a new relationship because you're really ready to start over, or are you just trying to make her jealous? And is her being in a relationship making you jealous? If none of those jealous feelings are around, I think you're in a good place to start a new relationship. But you should never force it because the right girl will come along when you're not necessarily looking for her.
To me, it sounds like you're over-thinking the situation and failing to connect with your true feelings about a new relationship. You will likely fail at any new relationship attempt until your feelings are in harmony with your actions.
IF a new relationship really is what you want, it can be the most direct route to not thinking much about an ex. However, there are many paths to that - mainly being aware when the thoughts arise and redirecting your attention elsewhere. Continuing to think about an ex will only reinforce those thoughts - you have to break the cycle to get out of the rut.
That would be like taking up heroin because you're trying to quit using cocaine ...
It helps, though. Only that I don't know what you take up some day when you try to quit heroin because the situation is cumulative and kind of escalates... I think that's the day you become drug-free!
Doesn't sound like you're necessarily "over" your ex but it's understandable to think about the ones who got away from time to time. Finding someone else helps, but it can also backfire if the new girl doesn't live up to your expectations. To me, this is why it's important to be happy single before getting back in a relationship. You're already happy and the relationship can enhance this.
When I've wanted to move on from someone or something I try to immerse myself in what I'm doing. Usually that ends up being a combination of sports, running and reading/writing.
Also, I've found that "hooking up" can lead to some empty feelings. It feels good at the time, but afterwards I realize that I would much rather be intimate with someone I have feelings for.
I like what you said, but want to add to your first paragraph. When you move too quickly into a relationship after a breakup, you are right that it may just backfire as often this woman is known as the man's "transitional woman" and she is the one who ends up getting hurt. So, being happy with yourself first, is what will make you open for another woman to walk into your life.
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,309 posts, read 38,812,599 times
Reputation: 7185
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virtual Insanity
I'm over my ex, but I can't stop wondering what she's up to these days or thinking about whether the guy she's with will eventually dump her/get dumped by her. So even though I'm not in love with her, I still think about her from time to time. I've blocked her from facebook to fight the urge to just send her a message asking how she's been.
I've hooked up with other women plenty of times since the breakup, but I haven't been in a relationship since. This leads me to think maybe I miss being in a relationship too much and I need to be in one to completely rid my ex from my mind. Maybe I'm not happy enough just getting with different women and I need to be in something serious again. Does that make sense?
Thanks in advance for your answers. Much appreciated.
You're not over your ex until you stop thinking about your escapades during your "me time", in which time you are the master of your domain - if you will.
By "hooking up", you're treating the symptoms, but not the disease.
Just give it more time, and be on your own for a bit.
If you start another relationship on the rebound, then I can pretty much guarantee it'll go wrong, and one or both of you will get hurt.
there's nothing wrong with thinking about your ex, I often wonder how some of my ex's are, some of them we broke up on good terms, but at the end of the day, they're an ex for a reason.
Just take your time, and don't rush it. Enjoy the company of friends.
Love will find you when it's time.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
