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Old 07-26-2011, 06:52 AM
 
3 posts, read 8,888 times
Reputation: 15

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Hi I am a male who is 50 years old and I am with a woman who is 29 years old. We have been together for (2 and 1/2) years. She is an accomplished woman. She had her own when I met her. She owns her home, she is educated (masters degree), has a son from a previous marriage (4 and 1/2) years old, and has a career.

I trust her and love her and I know that she loves me. I question her at different times about guys flirting with her on her job. I ask her if she will let me know who flirts with her or is hitting on her. What ticks me off is that I know she is beautiful and she dresses to impress and when I ask her if anyone gave her a compliment or flirt with her today she takes it as I don't trust her. I take it as being on the same page. Do you think this is fair? Sometimes she becomes very defensive and avoids direct answers and tells me that I don't trust her. This sort / matter is not her topic of conversation. I feel we should be able to generally discuss and talk about anything.

If you have any comments about this post I am open to suggestions.
Is it true that ALL older men are suspicious of their much younger woman?
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Old 07-26-2011, 06:55 AM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,941 posts, read 20,639,262 times
Reputation: 8674
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anval6169 View Post
Is it true that ALL older men are suspicious of their much younger woman?
Nope.

That's a sure way to drive them away, though.
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Old 07-26-2011, 07:05 AM
 
14,518 posts, read 12,773,448 times
Reputation: 9907
While you and her might be able to discuss and talk about anything, what you are doing is not conversating, it is more like drilling her. You keep asking the same question over and over again and that is probably driving her nuts. If there is anything she feels you should know, she probably will tell you, but you are not waiting for her to tell you, you are asking and asking and asking.... You are giving the impression that you don't trust her to make the right decision if a guy compliments her. That gets old quick.
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Old 07-26-2011, 07:27 AM
 
3 posts, read 8,888 times
Reputation: 15
all i asked is that she feel safe to say hey baby this guy hit on me today and i said thanks but no thanks and i'd say thats because your beautiful and i love. my girl avoids the whole topic.
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Old 07-26-2011, 07:29 AM
 
2,596 posts, read 5,280,640 times
Reputation: 3990
No. I don't think all older men are jealous. However, you sound insanely jealous, which will drive her away if you keep it up. My guess is that you're insecure because you recognize that she's 20 years younger and in her prime, where you are much older. Either you can handle dating a woman like this or you can't. If you feel inferior, it might be a sign you need to work on that, or that perhaps the relationship isn't the right one for you and you're reluctant to face that.
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Old 07-26-2011, 07:30 AM
 
2,596 posts, read 5,280,640 times
Reputation: 3990
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anval6169 View Post
all i asked is that she feel safe to say hey baby this guy hit on me today and i said thanks but no thanks and i'd say thats because your beautiful and i love. my girl avoids the whole topic.
She avoids the topic because you've proven it's a "hot button" issue for you. And truly, why should it be? If you trust her, there's nothing to worry about. If she senses you're going to dig around in her private business and make a big issue any time some guy makes eyes at her, it makes you look insecure and that's a turn-off.

You need to examine why you are so insecure about this. That's the root of the issue, not some guy at work thinking she has nice legs.
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Old 07-26-2011, 07:59 AM
 
916 posts, read 1,933,666 times
Reputation: 2200
Quote:
Originally Posted by h886 View Post
No. I don't think all older men are jealous. However, you sound insanely jealous, which will drive her away if you keep it up. My guess is that you're insecure because you recognize that she's 20 years younger and in her prime, where you are much older. Either you can handle dating a woman like this or you can't. If you feel inferior, it might be a sign you need to work on that, or that perhaps the relationship isn't the right one for you and you're reluctant to face that.
This. OK, maybe not "insanely" jealous, but it's definitely a problem.

If she doesn't tell you what you want to hear, then what? What if she came home and said, "This hot guy at work hit on me, and while I told him I have a boyfriend, I was really flattered that a guy like that would flirt with me"? You'd be upset, right?

You want her to reassure you that she's not going anywhere. But needing such constant reassurance will get tiring, and she'll resent you for it.

Work on your jealousy, or let her go. But insisting that she soothe your insecurity isn't fair to her.
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Old 07-26-2011, 08:14 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 84,099,722 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anval6169 View Post
Hi I am a male who is 50 years old and I am with a woman who is 29 years old. We have been together for (2 and 1/2) years. She is an accomplished woman. She had her own when I met her. She owns her home, she is educated (masters degree), has a son from a previous marriage (4 and 1/2) years old, and has a career.

I trust her and love her and I know that she loves me. I question her at different times about guys flirting with her on her job. I ask her if she will let me know who flirts with her or is hitting on her. What ticks me off is that I know she is beautiful and she dresses to impress and when I ask her if anyone gave her a compliment or flirt with her today she takes it as I don't trust her. I take it as being on the same page. Do you think this is fair? Sometimes she becomes very defensive and avoids direct answers and tells me that I don't trust her. This sort / matter is not her topic of conversation. I feel we should be able to generally discuss and talk about anything.

If you have any comments about this post I am open to suggestions.
Is it true that ALL older men are suspicious of their much younger woman?
That's a sure way to lose her! As a matter of fact, I'm surprised she keeps putting up with it.
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Old 07-26-2011, 08:16 AM
 
3 posts, read 8,888 times
Reputation: 15
you know your right it can be intimidating sometimes having a much younger woman. i'm true to myself which is one of my good qualities and willing to better myself i am a strong black man and willing to adjust using the love i have for myself and the love we have for each other to overcome this issue.
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Old 07-26-2011, 08:19 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 84,099,722 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anval6169 View Post
you know your right it can be intimidating sometimes having a much younger woman. i'm true to myself which is one of my good qualities and willing to better myself i am a strong black man and willing to adjust using the love i have for myself and the love we have for each other to overcome this issue.
Good deal!
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