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Old 08-17-2011, 07:54 AM
 
Location: West Coast of Europe
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I was wondering if it makes sense to rule out being together with someone because of a certain trait, view, or property of his/hers.
Yesterday I was talking about these things with a friend of mine in a funny way, but still...it was interesting.

Being a vegetarian, I have basically ruled out all non-vegetarian woman for a long time. My friend said that in a country like this where there are hardly any vegetarians at all, I will likely die alone if I stick to my principles.

What are your principles regarding no-nos and would you be willing to give them up should you realized they are getting in the way of your happiness?
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Old 08-17-2011, 08:01 AM
 
Location: Reno, NV
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I'm not a vegetarian, and I've dated plenty of women who are. It's not an issue, normally, unless they simply can't deal with someone who eats meat or feel the need to constantly try to change my preference. On the other hand, I will not date a smoker - their habit could affect my health, and I dislike the smell anyway, so it just won't happen. There are plenty of non-smokers, so it hasn't impacted my dating opportunities in any noticeable way.

So I'd date someone as long as we're mostly compatible and there aren't any significant deal-breakers - which may be a little different for each individual.
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Old 08-17-2011, 08:02 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
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No means no, although it depends where the particular vice falls in the "scale of no".

Ranges from "it would be nice", thru "would prefer not to", through to not a chance.

It would be nice if they liked the same things I do.

I'd prefer not to date someone with children, but that would maybe change if I'd met the right person.

Most of my "no's" would involve personality traits, dependence, narcissism, ignorance etc, etc
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Old 08-17-2011, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Texas
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"I'm not settling. I am reconsidering given the current circumstances."
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Old 08-17-2011, 08:52 AM
 
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My experience with myself and watching others is that very few hold themselves to the "rules" they set out on a potential partner. Smoking - that's a big one that many non-smokers have. Guess what? All three serious girlfriends I've had in my life had that rule and all three went out with me despite my smoking. Although I did eventually quit for the current one, now wife.

Sometimes you meet the right person and all of your rules go right out the window.
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Old 08-17-2011, 08:55 AM
 
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I rule out certain age groups, races, weight groups... etc

I don't see that changing ever, and I have no issues finding guys. It's good being selective and to know what you want.
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Old 08-17-2011, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Nashville, Tn
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I can't see why a vegetarian and someone who eats meat can't just both eat what they want and I don't really see the sense in ruling out someone because of their diet. Smoking is different for me because as a nonsmoker I would be exposed to smoke as well as smoker's breath which I find disgusting so for myself I would have to rule out a smoker. I really think most of us have certain limitations or boundaries that we set without even thinking about it because there are individuals who have characteristics that could be physical or psychological who we just aren't attracted to or compatible with. Why get involved with someone whose appearance or behavior is going to be a problem in a long term relationship? It seems like a waste of time because it's likely to fail.
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Old 08-17-2011, 09:26 AM
 
Location: West Coast of Europe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MontanaGuy View Post
I can't see why a vegetarian and someone who eats meat can't just both eat what they want and I don't really see the sense in ruling out someone because of their diet. Smoking is different for me because as a nonsmoker I would be exposed to smoke as well as smoker's breath which I find disgusting so for myself I would have to rule out a smoker. I really think most of us have certain limitations or boundaries that we set without even thinking about it because there are individuals who have characteristics that could be physical or psychological who we just aren't attracted to or compatible with. Why get involved with someone whose appearance or behavior is going to be a problem in a long term relationship? It seems like a waste of time because it's likely to fail.
I guess it depends on why a person is vegetarian. If only for health reasons, I agree that it shouldn't be an issue if the other person is not vegetarian. But if one is vegetarian for religious/philosophical reasons, it can be a huge problem seeing someone chewing on what is sacred to you.
Can a Muslim be happy being married to an atheist?
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Old 08-17-2011, 09:36 AM
 
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Default Depends...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MontanaGuy View Post
I can't see why a vegetarian and someone who eats meat can't just both eat what they want and I don't really see the sense in ruling out someone because of their diet.
I'm not a vegetarian or vegan, but I'm aware many of them have chosen the lifestyle based on ethical reasons (i.e., meat is murder). In such a case, the fact that a prospective date isn't vegetarian or vegan results in a value judgment about that person and a desire to change that person into a vegetarian/vegan.

I wouldn't necessarily rule out a vegetarian or vegan, assuming he isn't going to try to convert me, but it does introduce a certain amount of hassle...trying to find restaurants you'll BOTH like, having to keep two sets of every food type if you get to a point where you're spending a lot of time in one another's homes (e.g., tofu hot dogs and chicken hot dogs, cow's milk and soy milk, ice cream and tofutti, etc.).
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Old 08-17-2011, 09:55 AM
 
859 posts, read 2,830,006 times
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For me there are two definite turn offs. One I'll discuss the other i'll keep to myself.

Can't date Smokers. I'm not a smoker and I find the habit disgusting. The idea that someone would do that to themselves is almost beyond belief. Unfortunately for me this has affected some friendships as I can't stand the smell and have actually stopped inviting smokers to my home for casual get togethers so the idea of dating someone that smokes is out of the question.

Don't really have any other restrictions. Wouldn't get involved with someone that does drugs or illegal activity but that i assume is a given and doesn't need to be stated.
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