I think I'm a relationship basket-case

[JR_C]

Originally Posted by breakingfree

JR_C, don't put yourself down. From what I've read, it seems like you're a nice guy with a good head on your shoulders. I have the opposite problem regarding volunteering, with most of the organizations I volunteer for being predominantly female, so no meeting guys there. In the past I used to lament being single and wondered what was wrong with me, but I've put it on the backburner and have decided to stop doubting myself. Instead of trying hard to find a man, I'm just going to live life and not worry about it.

This is pretty much what I've been doing for the last couple years, and I haven't been happier. I will still have that occasional feeling of doubt, though. It was during one of those that I started this thread.

Originally Posted by LegalDiva

OP, I was in your shoes a few years ago. I am also 35 but recently married. I never thought I would get married because of my spotty relationship history. Like you, I am not a social butterfly. I grew up as a loner (i dont have any brothers/sisters) but I tried to join groups and made the effort just to explore new experiences.

I ended up meeting my husband online, and I had just gotten out of a dead end relationship with a guy who treated me more like his Xbox playing buddy than a girlfriend. I was really depressed and found it hard to feel motivated to buy a sexy dress and hit a local bar with a friend, but I forced myself to do it because I knew that being 40 and single was not a lifestyle I wanted in my future..

So basically I treated online dating like a part time job. No matter how tired or depressed I felt, I would force myself to write at least 3 emails every night to a guy on Match or another dating site. I wasnt super picky either, I was fairly open minded yet at the same time I only made dates with guys I really felt that I could relate to by phone conversations. My husband was one of those emails and look at me now, we ended up liking each others company so much we got married..lol.

So dont get depressed, get yourself out there!

I've done the online dating thing, and that didn't work for me at all. I applaud you for being so proactive in your online dating, though. Most women don't seem to do that, and just let the men barrage them with emails. (but that's a topic for another thread)

Because I'm visually impaired/can't drive, and also pretty set on staying where I am for the foreseeable future, the pool of online women I had to choose from was pretty small. I felt I had to stay local.

[hatgirl007]

I truly understand where you are coming from. I appreciate that you will not change who you are to attract others. I always say when you are 30 and up lying and presenting something that you aren't is just a waste of your time and others time as well - you are who you are no false impressions needed. I think you need a change. How about signing up to go international with a travel group to Italy/Spain/etc? Do something different to give you a zest in life!

In this day and age if you have a solid foundation and aren't about b.s. -it's hard to find people. Good luck. I just don't want you to be depressed. Read....books provide knowledge and/or escape.