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Negative statements seldom work to attract good people. They don't usually deter the people they're targeted to, and may even encourage those who see it as a challenge or game to get past your filters. My experience has been that putting things in positive terms encourages positive people and positive responses. I will immediately skip a profile that seems negative, desperate, defensive, or angry, as I don't want that kind of person in my life.
Exactly. This type of a profile is such a turn-off.
As someone that has many years of experience with online dating, I think I've seen it all...or maybe most of it.
Many people get very tired of the crap that some people dish (and that is true for online AND off) so they try to do more filtering by announcing those frustrations in their profile. There are ways to do that,you just have to use a little thought when putting that into words. I don't remember my match profile exactly, but I certainly had some "filters" included. I had something like "My goal is a serious committed relationship. If you are one of the many here that are that prefer something "less complicated", I assure you that I am not your gal." It probably took several months after I started using match to realize that I needed to include such a statement. It worked well for me, and in fact, it I never found any occasion to remove that from my profile, and I consider my experiences to be very successful.
Filters and DEMANDING are totally different. Nothing wrong with using discretion. Which sounds like that's what you were doing.
The above 6 women were clearly wearing their emotions on their sleeves.
I cam across more tonight when I was checking my replies. It's really distasteful.
WE ALL deal with "crap" be it with family, work, relationships of any kind. These women must think they are special and therefore should be exempt.
I am not saying WE should put up with it but it's just a part of life.
Filters and DEMANDING are totally different. Nothing wrong with using discretion. Which sounds like that's what you were doing.
The above 6 women were clearly wearing their emotions on their sleeves.
I cam across more tonight when I was checking my replies. It's really distasteful.
WE ALL deal with "crap" be it with family, work, relationships of any kind. These women must think they are special and therefore should be exempt.
I am not saying WE should put up with it but it's just a part of life.
They displayed in their profile exactly the type of person they were. Why is this a bad thing? Would you rather they hid it?
When I ran across the male equivalent of the same thing, I viewed it as a good thing. No sense wasting my time - they showed me exactly their mindset. Better than being surprised after a few dates.
Here are some of the "profiles" for one dating website that I am using:
***************START*******************(6 different profile snipit's)
"I REALLY DONT WANNA DEAL WITH CHEATERS,LIERS,DRUGGIES,FELONS,GUYS WHO HAVE NO JOB OR CANT HOLD A JOB, DONT HAVE A LISCENSE OR CAR, ABUSE WOMAN PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY,OR NEED MONEY...BEEN THERE DONE THAT WONT GO BACK FOR ME OR MY KIDS"
~~~~~~~
Now for the really important things u need to know...I have no interest in being a one night stand...I have way too much class to be treated like a good time girl.
Players...you need not apply..if all you desire is another notch...I am not interested.
Married or seperated...DO NOT contact me!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UPDATE.......Please be real cuz i am! Look guy's i want attention if you can't give it cause your too busy, maybe you should't be on this site! Read my profile, Looking to settle down and marriage! If that's NOT U Please don't contact me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a single mom and my son comes first in my life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a BIG beautiful woman. If you can't handle a BIG woman, then you are not the one for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* side note... please... if you cant be honest... and real... just pass me by please. SOOO tired of the headgames and lies.
* side note #2... sad that I have to do this... but after being on the site for a few weeks..... PLEASE if all you want to do is tell me you think I am hot... just dont bother. I want and deserve more than that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guys sorry I don't IM. it takes alot of time. If I find u worth my time after a few messages, then maybe we will. But, I don't really have the time.
********** THE END****************************
Ok, that's only a few posts that I came across and I had to shake my head.
If your dating profile is supposed to be used to sell yourself to a potential mate, why waste the space with such a "demanding tone". Nothing about the above show's the feminine side of the women that the profiles belong to.
No, this is not meant to be a attack on women just a heads up. Leave all of the drama off of the profiles.
It does not matter if you write: "NO PLAYAS PLEASE". Do you think that's going to stop them from contacting you? No. So why waste time saying it?
I do believe that a lot of good guys get turned off by the above "profiles".
Since I am a man, I can only say MANY women do a darn good job at running good guys away.
PLEASE do not misunderstand what I am saying, YES< I KNOW the same applies to men. I don't date men therefore I created this thread as a heads up for BOTH GENDERS.
****** PLEASE DISCUSS, NOT DEBATE*****
I'm telling you Ron, the first time I would see anything even approaching the level of stupidity in some of the above ads you referenced, I'd be so on to the next profile. No wonder these people are alone.
I'm telling you Ron, the first time I would see anything even approaching the level of stupidity in some of the above ads you referenced, I'd be so on to the next profile. No wonder these people are alone.
There ya go.......you nailed it. Most that reply will turn this into a Guys-vs-Gals thread, It's only a matter of time. IT's very difficult for people to be objective. There is always someone that says: "oh, they do it tooooooo".
Many have no idea why they are by themselves. They think their way of thinking is the best.
My favorite of all of the above is the one in which the gal says "If I think you are worth my while, than MAYBE...etc"...........WOW. She thinks she's doing the guys a favor. Let her tell it, guys should be thrilled to be graced with her presence. No, these are not 19y/o silly little girls.
Many have no idea why they are by themselves. They think they way of thinking is the best.
My favorite of all of the above is the one in which the gal says "If I think you are worth my while, than MAYBE...etc"...........WOW. She thinks she's doing the guys a favor. Let her tell it, guys should be thrilled to be graced with her presence. No, these are not 19y/o silly little girls.
It's very disheartening to say the least.
So you are complaining that these dysfunctional women are advertising their problem upfront?
Plenty of guys doing the same thing. Instead of complaining, I was happy they showed their true colors so I could stay the heck away.
I'm female, and I see a lot of similar statements in men's profiles. I agree with Lucario - no wonder these people are alone!
I don't like seeing "my kids come first" and/or pictures of their kids. First of all it should be a given that their kids come first and I think posting pictures of kids is distasteful. I won't immediately rule out those men, but they have to have a lot of other things going for them in order for me to consider them.
If I see any negative "jaded" statements I move on immediately without a second thought. We have all been lied to at some point in our lives, but being negative and cynical isn't going to get you anywhere. Those negative statements could be turned into positive ones. For instance instead of stating "I don't want to deal with cheaters and liars" it would be better to state "I value honesty and integrity in my date".
A few days ago I came across a guy that said he was currently in a relationship but still open to developing new friendships. I was like WTF??? If you just want friendship get off a dating site!
I wonder if his girlfriend knew what he was doing. Now I want to find his profile so I can post his exact words lol.
Funny story....I saw my ex-husband's profile on a website. He was lying about his age lol. I winked at him and he blocked me! LMAO!
So you are complaining that these dysfunctional women are advertising their problem upfront?
Plenty of guys doing the same thing. Instead of complaining, I was happy they showed their true colors so I could stay the heck away.
Did you read the OP, I said both men and women?
Did I not?
This thread is not about "They do it tooooooo".
Last edited by Ron.; 08-27-2011 at 10:44 PM..
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