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I think I need to work on my confidence somehow. Has anyone else had confidence problems? People usually tell me I'm a nice person and I can be quite funny sometimes, but through my life people have told me I'm weird as I can be quite introverted, yet quirky aswell. It's the fear of meeting new people and not being accepted I guess and I think i've always waited for things to happen to me because I'm too scared to go out and fail.
Weird, quirky and introverted is quite acceptable. EVERYONE is odd in one way or another, no matter how perfect they appear.
I freely tell people I'm an introvert, nothing wrong with that. It just means I need more time alone.
I'm a little neurotic, OCD, have control issues, and am judgemental. Not clinical, just quirky.
Everyone freely makes fun of me for all that and more. It's funny.
You have to accept yourself before anyone else will. Your no more messed up than anyone else.
There's nothing wrong with developing a crush on someone you work with. It can even make the workday go by faster and more enjoyably. As long as you keep it as a fantasy, no harm is done. But if you're obsessing about the married man or actually attempting to sleep with him, then you invite all sorts of drama and trouble into your life. Trust me, I have seen COUNTLESS colleagues fall into this trap and they have lost their jobs or their marriages, or both. So tread carefully. You can look but don't touch, especially a married person and most especially at work!
I think the married guy at works butters me up and flirts so I will help him do his work. The whole situation is making it difficult for me to continue working with him and I feel like either....
a) bringing it up with him why I don't want to work with him anymore or
b) tell my boss that I don't want to work with him any more
I know I can't go on working with him, but I like my job and it took ages to get this job so I don't want to leave. I just want to minimise my time around this man.
Why don't you simply tell him, next time he asks for help, that things have really hopped up in your department and you're simply swarmed and can't take time out of your day? (Cheerfully.) And the same the next time, and the next time.
He'll get it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinnamon Snack
I think the married guy at works butters me up and flirts so I will help him do his work. The whole situation is making it difficult for me to continue working with him and I feel like either....
a) bringing it up with him why I don't want to work with him anymore or
b) tell my boss that I don't want to work with him any more
I know I can't go on working with him, but I like my job and it took ages to get this job so I don't want to leave. I just want to minimise my time around this man.
Thank you all for your motivational help. When you're low it's such an effort just trying to figure out how to start to change your life ... have the courage to go out and get one.
I really wouldn't have a fling with the married man, my embarrassment and fear would be at flirting with him and making a fool of myself in front of my work colleagues. I agree that I think my interest in him has resulted from my break-up.
I love hiking and music...maybe I could learn guitar. A lot of my interests are very singular because I grew up having to amuse myself with hobbies and interests. My parents weren't very sociable and so I didn't do activities with lots of people or have friends round. I've 2 brothers but they tended to stick together. I have a confidence problem too and although I love to be around people, I get panicky when I have to make interesting conversation. Most of my conversation is joky and banter with people.
Thanks again, I'll try the list and focus on what I want.
i think that's interesting- you grew up somewhat a loner so it is probably hard for you to see the options that people who grew up in larger families would- group activities and so on. i am kinda that way, i like doing my own thing and learning things on my own, a bit of a homebody, tho i love what i do and so my life doesn't feel empty.
i have had times in my life when i have felt like you, and you sort of glom on to someone for lack of anything better. 'Glom' meaning, not literally, but you become fixated on them as an option, an escape from the drudgery- i don't do that anymore, but it is very tempting until you realize the mechanics of whats going on.
i wouldn't be too hard on yourself. you do sound like a nice person and someone with plenty going for them. listen to folks on here, they have some good advice.
He'd been flirting with me this week and I'm the only one he'd given a pet name to and then today he had his arm round another woman co-worker asking her if she was alright...had he annoyed her etc. right next to me. It was humiliating and serves me right basically for having feelings for a married man in the first place
He'd been flirting with me this week and I'm the only one he'd given a pet name to and then today he had his arm round another woman co-worker asking her if she was alright...had he annoyed her etc. right next to me. It was humiliating and serves me right basically for having feelings for a married man in the first place
Pretty much. Don't ever go after a married man! You don't want to be "THAT" lady.
I have a dilemma. I recently split up with someone ( I met at a previous job) I had dated for a few months. He wasn't the person I thought he was and it upset me to realise this. Despite this, I enjoyed being in a relationship again having been single for 2 years previous to this. I have never been married.
I miss being in a relationship, but am happy to wait until I find someone who deserves me. The problem is that I like a married man at work...a lot. I would never do anything about it as I know it is wrong. I have morals and principles and would never entertain the idea of an affair or try to tempt him. I would never want people at work to think of me as some hussy.
The dilemma I have is that I help this man with some of his work most days. I enjoy doing his work as mine can be quite dull and often I am looking for things to do to help the day pass. I am finding it increasingly difficult helping him because of how I have started feeling about him. I have only worked at this job a few months and it took me ages to get this job so leaving would be out of the question. I have thought of asking someone else to help him with his work, but it is part of my job description and I am expected to do it. I also really enjoy the work I do for him as it is very interesting.
I don't know what to do. We work in small offices next to each other and I see him a lot of the day. I think I have developed these feelings because I am single and missing being with someone and he is someone that I am very attracted to that makes me laugh and gives me attention. I am worried that I am going to make a fool of myself.
I am 38 and have no friends to go out with. I need to build up some sort of life of my own but don't know how to go about it. Can anyone please give me some sensible advice. I am at such a low and don't know how to motivate myself and get past this problem. I have just got a pay rise as my boss is very pleased with me and wants me to stay. That is a positive and I am pleased, but my life is empty and a waste of time.
Your life is not a waste. Everybody has all the tools to make the best of their situation.... It seems like you have a good steady job... a plus in this economy! About the whole relationship thing... I'm sort of bad at advice in that category... But I know how you feel... I used to think that I was alone and I would never find the woman for me.
I used to get really sad when I would see friends getting married, going on dates, having fun enjoying life. I don't party, i don't go out and sleep with any woman I can find. Granted I am still single, but no longer care about having "no life".
Because along the way, I have accomplished so much... and I am sure you have as well.. One way or the other. I graduated salutatorian in high school, and I am now a senior biochemistry major and am on track to graduate magna *** laude, am in the process of publishing my second research publication in a science journal, and am a member of the American Chemical Society, Alpha Epsilon Delta honor Society, American Society for Biochemistry and Molecular Biology, and some others I don't even remember.
The point I am trying to make is... you can't sit back and reminisce on what "could have" or "should have".... go and worry about "what is"... As Joe Dirt would say... "You gotta keep on keepin' on"! Don't let life get you down, go out and live life to the fullest... and meet people who will motivate you to do such in times like these... Good luck to you, and I wish you the best of luck with everything! Keep on pushing through... it's worth every bit of effort. Never give up!
--Brandon
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