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Old 08-27-2011, 01:37 PM
 
732 posts, read 1,042,620 times
Reputation: 2738

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No matter how much you ladies here try to band together (girl power yay) and defend each other's actions, the bottom line is that you don't go out with someone: 3, count 'em, 3 times when you're not interested in the person and it's apparent he will be persistent.

It's the definition of lunacy.

You reap what you sow. OP was/is completely wrong here and has created a Frankenstein.

I wouldn't worry about it though if I were OP. I'm sure he will make a good husband. After all, she will not be able to refuse his marriage proposal just like she couldn't refuse his dating proposals.
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Old 08-27-2011, 01:42 PM
 
1,833 posts, read 2,505,876 times
Reputation: 1639
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandavaran View Post
No matter how much you ladies here try to band together (girl power yay) and defend each other's actions, the bottom line is that you don't go out with someone: 3, count 'em, 3 times when you're not interested in the person and it's apparent he will be persistent.

It's the definition of lunacy.

You reap what you sow. OP was/is completely wrong here and has created a Frankenstein.

I wouldn't worry about it though if I were OP. I'm sure he will make a good husband. After all, she will not be able to refuse his marriage proposal just like she couldn't refuse his dating proposals.

Exactly the point I made earlier. They never take responsibility for their actions.
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:22 PM
 
37,494 posts, read 45,798,776 times
Reputation: 56996
Quote:
Originally Posted by WakaFlocka View Post
Exactly the point I made earlier. They never take responsibility for their actions.
Oy vey. Yet another shining star here on the CD relationship forum.
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:35 PM
 
Location: Austin, Texas
2,754 posts, read 6,091,012 times
Reputation: 4669
This is probably going to come across as blunt, but I'm confident in my assessment of your problem, so here goes: The dude sounds like a clueless, needy, clinging nimrod who hasn't been laid since Moses wore short pants--if ever. It sounds like it's not your nature to be mean, but I think that's your only option here if you want to be rid of him. You're basically going to have to tell him you'r enot interested in any type of further contact with him, and maybe even insult him a little bit, as in "Are you retarded? What part of what I just told you do you not seem to grasp?"
Hey: some guys just don't get it if you don't play hardball.

Best of luck to you.
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:42 PM
 
Location: USA
30,740 posts, read 21,872,773 times
Reputation: 18924
I was that guy in that relationship once. Except she would always hold my hand, slow dancing with me and telling me how attractive I was, but would never intiate a call or a text (she would only respond to mine and then it would be my 3 to her one and only one line).
Are you giving him any indicators at all?
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,445 posts, read 34,627,532 times
Reputation: 73575
I would tell that while I agree with him that everyone needs friends, and even though the two of you are JUST hanging out, that I'm not comfortable with it so I'm not going to do it anymore.

And then stick by it.
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:52 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,445 posts, read 34,627,532 times
Reputation: 73575
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandavaran View Post
No matter how much you ladies here try to band together (girl power yay) and defend each other's actions, the bottom line is that you don't go out with someone: 3, count 'em, 3 times when you're not interested in the person and it's apparent he will be persistent.

It's the definition of lunacy.

You reap what you sow. OP was/is completely wrong here and has created a Frankenstein.

I wouldn't worry about it though if I were OP. I'm sure he will make a good husband. After all, she will not be able to refuse his marriage proposal just like she couldn't refuse his dating proposals.
Well, she gave a nice guy a chance. Isn't that what all of you are complaining about? Not being given a chance because you don't make enough money, not handsome enough, too short, not personality.... whatever the perceived problem may be. I see tons of threads from guys on this point.

So, did she overstep the "give a nice guy a chance" rules of dating by going on 3, instead of 2 dates?! Or is one the limit?

Do you all have some literature you can hand out or something?
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:55 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 17,357,275 times
Reputation: 8075
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandavaran View Post
No matter how much you ladies here try to band together (girl power yay) and defend each other's actions, the bottom line is that you don't go out with someone: 3, count 'em, 3 times when you're not interested in the person and it's apparent he will be persistent.

It's the definition of lunacy.

You reap what you sow. OP was/is completely wrong here and has created a Frankenstein.

I wouldn't worry about it though if I were OP. I'm sure he will make a good husband. After all, she will not be able to refuse his marriage proposal just like she couldn't refuse his dating proposals.
Okay, what is happening here is that men are not understanding the way female attraction works. Since men are very visual and the ones who usually pursue and ask women out, they will not even bother to go on a first date if they don't have hots for her. For women, please understand, it is different. A lot of them base their attractions on emotions and even if they are not initially attracted to a guy, it may take couple of dates for him to win her over. It is not unusual for a woman to develop an attraction after 1 or 2 dates and if she is not sure, she will go out with him at least twice to make sure that he is definitely not for her.
So...there is no lunacy here...and if you think it is, then you haven't seen real lunacy.

Would have I gone out on a third date? Quite frankly, no. Simply, I don't believe when a guy tries to convince me in his friendship motives and I'm just not that nice. So OP's biggest sin is that she was too polite to refuse the third date (that wasn't even supposed to be a date to begin with).
I wouldn't have painted this guy as problematic, if he didn't try to fool her into friendship with him and if he realized that clearly she is not romantically interested. I personally also like persistent men, but to a point. When you are bluntly telling someone into his face that you are not interested, pursuing (in a sneaky way) makes him sound desperate and a little scary, quite frankly.
Look, even after her today's text he is still continuing to be pushy.
PS: I don't care about girl's power. Those who know me know that I have defended women AND men on this forum, depending on the circumstances.
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:59 PM
 
732 posts, read 1,042,620 times
Reputation: 2738
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Well, she gave a nice guy a chance. Isn't that what all of you are complaining about? Not being given a chance because you don't make enough money, not handsome enough, too short, not personality.... whatever the perceived problem may be. I see tons of threads from guys on this point.

So, did she overstep the "give a nice guy a chance" rules of dating by going on 3, instead of 2 dates?! Or is one the limit?

Do you all have some literature you can hand out or something?
3 Times..3 Times...3 Times..Keep repeating until you understand.

NOBODY with any sense DATES someone 3 times that they're not interested in just to be nice. If she does, she has emotional problems that can't be dealt with on an internet forum.

If I got an electric shock everytime I stuck my fingers in an electrical outlet and did it an additional 2 times, wouldn't you figure:

A. I liked it.

or

B. I was crazy.
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Old 08-27-2011, 03:10 PM
 
946 posts, read 2,915,431 times
Reputation: 1088
Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun View Post
I was that guy in that relationship once. Except she would always hold my hand, slow dancing with me and telling me how attractive I was, but would never intiate a call or a text (she would only respond to mine and then it would be my 3 to her one and only one line).
Are you giving him any indicators at all?
None at all. In fact, I would give strong indicators otherwise. Telling him about how much I liked the last guy I dated (although he brought that up), that I wasn't interested in dating right now and haven't met anyone I really liked, etc. I'm not leading him on. I stopped responding to his last texts but it's only a matter of days before I hear from him again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
I would tell that while I agree with him that everyone needs friends, and even though the two of you are JUST hanging out, that I'm not comfortable with it so I'm not going to do it anymore.

And then stick by it.
And that's exactly what I've done. These are a few excerpts of my last few texts to him. At first I was trying to be gentle but he wouldn't get a clue so I became more direct:

(erased to respect privacy of texts).

I guess my big mistake is to keep replying to his texts when I know he's not going to stop trying to reason with me. I'm just going to ignore and like you said, stick to my guns.

Last edited by lilamx; 08-27-2011 at 03:47 PM..
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