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Old 08-27-2011, 11:23 AM
 
946 posts, read 2,810,035 times
Reputation: 1084

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I'll try to keep this brief. I've been on 3 dates with a guy I was never attracted to but decided to give it a shot because he was very kind and very, very persistent. I thought I had nothing to lose.

After the second date I knew for sure it wouldn't lead anywhere, and I told him I felt no chemistry and that it wouldn't work out. He, on the other hand, was attracted to me and wanted to see where things went. I told him I didn't want to give him false hope and wasn't interested, but he said he would be happy going out as friends. I reluctantly said ok because he wouldn't drop the issue and knowing that I would be busy the following weeks anyway, I was hoping things would die out. But he didn't. The texts kept coming and after much insistence from him, I went out with him again but made it clear it wasn't a date- only hanging out as friends. Well, it ended up practically being a date- he paid for dinner, complimented me, told me how much he wanted to see me again, etc. I told him I had a great time, but I didn't think he would take that as me being interested in dating him.

I've tried being gentle in letting him down, but he keeps turning things around telling me how "we all need friends, not only partners" and that he'd be happy hanging out as friends. He said he doesn't want more, but I'm not naive and I know it's not possible to be friends with someone you just met of the opposite sex when they have an atttraction towards you. I feel bad being so blunt because I've known him for more than a few months now and he's a very nice guy...but he just doesn't seem to take the hint! I have 2 questions: 1- Guys, I'm not wrong in thinking that he's using the "just friends" as an excuse and really has some hope that something can happen in the future, right? and 2- What can I do or tell him to go away? I don't want to be mean!
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Old 08-27-2011, 11:26 AM
 
1,833 posts, read 2,381,066 times
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If you're not into him, why did you go on 3 dates with him? That's leading someone on. He does have hope because you went out with him 3 times. You're going to have to put on the big girl pants and tell him you're not interested and you were wrong for going out with him multiple times.
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Old 08-27-2011, 11:30 AM
 
17,868 posts, read 19,887,228 times
Reputation: 13904
Sometimes you have to be mean, or get straight to the point bluntly with people.

Hell, hang up on the guy or don't show up to dates if he's that resistant. Eesh some people need it very blunt.
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Old 08-27-2011, 11:31 AM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 16,623,036 times
Reputation: 8056
Ha! Gotta give it to the guy, he is really being persistent with you. Obviously trying to get you to spend more time with him and get you to finally like him.

If you really have strong feelings about not hanging out with him, block him from your phone and cut any communication with him. You are not being mean, you are being firm.
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Old 08-27-2011, 11:33 AM
 
1,833 posts, read 2,381,066 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
Ha! Gotta give it to the guy, he is really being persistent with you. Obviously trying to get you to spend more time with him and get you to finally like him.

If you really have strong feelings about not hanging out with him, block him from your phone and cut any communication with him. You are not being mean, you are being firm.

We're a bit past being firm. She had 3 dates to do it and never did. Blocking his number and simply cutting communication is the coward's way out.
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Old 08-27-2011, 11:33 AM
 
946 posts, read 2,810,035 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WakaFlocka View Post
If you're not into him, why did you go on 3 dates with him? That's leading someone on. He does have hope because you went out with him 3 times. You're going to have to put on the big girl pants and tell him you're not interested and you were wrong for going out with him multiple times.
I told him after the second date, "I don't feel any chemistry and this won't go anywhere." After the third, "I don't want to lead you on."
His response, "You're not leading me on...I'm happy just hanging out with you. Whatever happens, happens..."

I went on the third and last date to set the record straight, but he's not having it.
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Old 08-27-2011, 11:35 AM
 
1,833 posts, read 2,381,066 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilamx View Post
I told him after the second date, "I don't feel any chemistry and this won't go anywhere." After the third, "I don't want to lead you on."
His response, "You're not leading me on...I'm happy just hanging out with you. Whatever happens, happens..."

I went on the third and last date to set the record straight, but he's not having it.

And after the second date, you should have been blunt and not gone out with him again. Yet, you went out with him AGAIN. Apparently, no means yes because you keep saying it's not going anywhere, yet you still continue to go out with him.
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Old 08-27-2011, 11:36 AM
 
946 posts, read 2,810,035 times
Reputation: 1084
Quote:
Originally Posted by WakaFlocka View Post
We're a bit past being firm. She had 3 dates to do it and never did. Blocking his number and simply cutting communication is the coward's way out.
That's not correct. I've been telling him the whole time that I'm not interested in dating him. I went out on that last date because he was so persistant and wouldn't let it go, so I decided to go and tell him one last time that I wasn't interested.
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Old 08-27-2011, 11:37 AM
 
17,868 posts, read 19,887,228 times
Reputation: 13904
Quote:
Originally Posted by WakaFlocka View Post
And after the second date, you should have been blunt and not gone out with him again. Yet, you went out with him AGAIN. Apparently, no means yes because you keep saying it's not going anywhere, yet you still continue to go out with him.
It's like my favorite phrase "No means yes and yes means harder."
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Old 08-27-2011, 11:38 AM
 
34,933 posts, read 40,874,090 times
Reputation: 50633
Quote:
Originally Posted by WakaFlocka View Post
If you're not into him, why did you go on 3 dates with him? That's leading someone on.

I think she explained that. She isn't "leading him on". The guy is clearly lacking in the common sense department.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince_Frog View Post
Sometimes you have to be mean, or get straight to the point bluntlywith people.

Hell, hang up on the guy or don't show up to dates if he's that resistant. Eesh some people need it very blunt.
Yup. This guy is one of those.

Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
block him from your phone and cut any communication with him. You are not being mean, you are being firm.
I agree. I've done it myself. Some guys just don't give up.
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