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Old 08-30-2011, 06:49 AM
 
Location: NY metro area
7,796 posts, read 16,395,137 times
Reputation: 10808

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Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
People over 30 or so usually don't have many other options.
I was 24 when I met my husband. He was 28 and was divorced just shy of a year. We met online and his profile stated single, not divorced. At our first meeting/date, he told me "there's something I have to tell you." I started to panic and think "Oh great, this guy is married with kids!" When he told me he was previously married, I sighed from relief. I think I may have even laughed and said "that's it!?!"


Quote:
Originally Posted by Keeper View Post
From the ppl I know it is never their fault they are divorced it is always the other person who caused the problems. Just ask a couple who divorced and they will tell you it was the other person's fault because he did this or she did that.
I think one of things that impressed me about my husband was that he never blamed his ex-wife, he never spoke badly about her. Granted, they didn't have a "War of the Roses" type of split either. In fact, I think his split from his first wife helped me identify what the cause was for a problem(s) in our relationship when "we" started "disagreeing" (more like me going off the deep end )...DepoProvera. His first wife was on it, so he suggested I give it try. Needless to say, our relationship started to dissolve in the same manner his relationship fell apart with his first wife (both myself and his ex-wife became overly emotional and unpredictable while on the hormone.) I begged him to give me 3 months to let me get it out of my system...the rest is history.
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Old 08-30-2011, 07:38 AM
 
Location: Oxnard, CA
1,549 posts, read 4,255,853 times
Reputation: 1280
Quote:
Originally Posted by picklejuice View Post
Mehhh...

Well, just about everyone I know has been married and divorce at least once.

I am the exception to the rule!

21 years ago, I married the first and only time .

We have a saying here in California that you have to get divorced at least once....sad but I think it's true!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keeper View Post
From the ppl I know it is never their fault they are divorced it is always the other person who caused the problems. Just ask a couple who divorced and they will tell you it was the other person's fault because he did this or she did that.
LOL, I know I had a lot of faults in my divorce..I never cheated but I was no saint either...I think if a person can look at their faults and learn from them, it will probably make them a better candidate for the next go round in marriage. I have learned so much in my prior marriage that I am incorporating in my life now...all the things I did wrong, I am fixing them now because when I get married again, that's it...there will be no third time for LadyKLO....lol
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Old 08-30-2011, 02:36 PM
 
13,768 posts, read 38,183,403 times
Reputation: 10689
I too have been divorced and in reality it is never just one person's fault. I remarried to a man that was also divorced.

His mother said something I found very profound 'You got the woman you needed and your ex got the man she wanted'. His ex is still married to that man and I would still married to my DH if he hadn't passed away.
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Old 09-05-2011, 07:25 PM
 
Location: galaxy far far away
3,110 posts, read 5,383,171 times
Reputation: 7281
Quote:
Originally Posted by neuro View Post
Here is the logic my father used before marrying his second wife. “If you are going to go on an expedition into the jungle, who do you want as your traveling companion? Do you want someone who has been in the jungle before and got caught in the quicksand? or do you want someone who has never been to the jungle but has read all the books?”

25 Questions you are going to want to have an answer to before you marry someone who is divorced
Neuro - those are really great conversation starters. Thank you.

I've been divorced and we are still great friends. I stayed in touch with his kids from his first marriage and now they are all grown and we are best of friends, too. I'm included in the grandbaby's life and I feel very blessed. He left me for someone much younger. By the time he decided he had screwed things up, I had moved on. But we never were rancorous or crazy about it. Just sad that it fell apart the way it did. We both took responsibility and our divorce only cost $500 because of the way we split things up. He is a part of my life and I will always have a special place in my heart for him. I wish him well with his new lady.

Life is too hard to live by rigid "rules" about what you will or will not do in some imaginary future interaction. You live your life, you learn from your mistakes, and you carry on. 150 years ago the average female died around age 50 and the average male died around age 49. They married in their teens. (Heck, the biblical Mary and Joseph were only 13 and 15...)
In 1870, only 2.5% of all Americans made it to age 65
in Great Britain it was only 41

So a lot of "rules" about divorce, marriage, babies, and life in general were set in stone when life expectancy was very very short. And a lot of older Americans get divorced when the kids leave the house and they realize they have nothing at all in common. Personally I would rather see people get divorced than see them get violent -- or see them lose years of their lives living a fake life with someone who has grown away from them.

Oh - and by the way, Encino - if you are religious - the biblical interpretation of "marriage" is "to know someone - in a sexual way." Therefore, you are actually "married" to everyone you have ever had sex with. And that also means if you are not with them anymore, well, i guess that means you are also divorced from everyone you ever had sex with. So... considering THAT, hmmmmm, not sure I'd want to marry a guy my age who has never been "married..."
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Old 09-05-2011, 08:28 PM
 
3,617 posts, read 3,881,652 times
Reputation: 2295
At my age, no, I would not.

If I'm single 10 years down the line.....maybe if she had no kids and the divorce wasn't her "fault" (he initiated for little reason, she did because of infidelity, etc.). Still would be wary about it.
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Old 09-06-2011, 12:54 AM
 
200 posts, read 328,258 times
Reputation: 162
I would if I really liked him but he wouldn't be my first choice since I've never been married I would want us to be the first husband/wife. But if I was in my late 30s upward I wouldn't care.
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:07 AM
 
Location: Earth
24,620 posts, read 28,271,474 times
Reputation: 11416
Quote:
Originally Posted by West of Encino View Post
I'm old enough to know how divorcees operate. Then again, no point in justifying that to a certain group.

hahahahahahaha
I guess you're not having any luck with women. Still.
Might want to look at yourself instead of blaming others all the time.

What would you bring to a relationship that another would want? What are your qualities?
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:10 AM
 
Location: Earth
24,620 posts, read 28,271,474 times
Reputation: 11416
Quote:
Originally Posted by West of Encino View Post
99% of the divorced men never initiate the divorce. They'll do anything to make the relationship work, but their lover always want out for no reason.

That's the way I see things.
This is the silliest thing I've read all week. I'm sure you have stats that will bear you out. Right. And you'll provide them to us, right?
You know that in the US, the divorce rate hovers around 50%.

Some people would cut off their nose to spite their face.

Last edited by chielgirl; 09-06-2011 at 03:24 AM..
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Old 09-06-2011, 04:07 AM
 
Location: The Present
2,006 posts, read 4,305,963 times
Reputation: 1987
I'd never get married to begin with.

funny thing is, a good deal of my male friends that I grew up with had married in their early 20's; now that were approaching the big three zero, plenty of them have divorced. I listen to their stories, and I can see it goes both ways. A good deal of the time a lot of the trouble could have been avoided if they just dated the person for a longer period of time. Marriage is great for women and children but the incentives are horrible for men.
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Old 09-06-2011, 05:26 AM
 
Location: Earth
24,620 posts, read 28,271,474 times
Reputation: 11416
Marriage is not so great for women, either.

How many people know themselves well enough in their 20s to get maried?
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