Does Moving to an "Unfriendly" City Make You More Unfriendly? (Asians, family)

[Yzette]

I'm from Long Island. Everywhere is friendlier.

[80sKid]

I live in Memphis. Memphians treat each other like crap. Especially if you don't belong to a church. But they will pretend to be friendly if you are from out of town. They won't show their true colors. It's like being on your best behavior when company comes over.

[MontanaGuy]

SierraAZ wrote:

I can spot an American a half block away when I'm travelling just by the way they look

Sorry to disappoint you, MG, but most people can do that. It doesn't take any special talents...

Oh, I agree completely and didn't mean to suggest that it was something special. The people in foreign countries can also pick us out of a crowd in about two seconds. I remember talking to a guy from England on a trip once and he said the very same thing about recognizing his fellow Brits.

[Henna]

Originally Posted by goldengrain

I am the same way. I hate people who 'just drop by' unannounced. Our building has a number of retired people and organizes two walks/jogs each morning. There is also coffee and pastries in the lobby each morning for those who like to socialize. People throw building parties regularly. I'm sure that it will be fun, but thanks for the warning.

That sounds promising. I live in a middle class building/neighborhood in NYC and when I had a couple staying here (while I was not here) for awhile while their expensive Manhattan apartment was being renovated, they were shocked at how friendly and accommodating and helpful the neighbors are here.

I thought maybe this was due to their making a comparison to their wealthy Manhattan building, but I guess the friendliness levels must vary from building to building. Also the fact that yours is a coop (is it?) may help as the couple I am referring to live in a condo building that is huge and perhaps lacks in the community aspect (though they do have organized building-wide Halloween trick or treating and other events)

I also prefer not to have anyone knock at my door. It is ok if someone calls or emails to see if I am around, but I feel someone showing up unannounced is an intrusion. There are a few exceptions to this -- one good friend who lives in my bldg is allowed (!) to knock. And it's ok for my immediate neighbors on either side to knock too because they only knock if they need something, not to come by and chat, which would drive me crazy. When they need something small, like advice about an electronic device (one neighbor is elderly) I am happy to help if I am able to.

[Texas User]

Originally Posted by f1000

Say you come from a smaller town/ city or a region that has a reputation for being friendly & you move to a less-friendly region (or big city).

Do you become less friendly yourself?

Ya there's friendliness and unfriendliness everywhere, but there is no doubt that level of friendliness is strongest in the South & Midwest, and lowest in the NorthEast & West Coast.

I consider the following cities unfriendly, for the record:
- LA
- San Francisco
- Seattle
- Vancouver
- Boston
- NYC
- DC
- Toronto
- Miami

and the following are noticeably friendlier:
- Chicago
- Minneapolis
- Dallas
- Atlanta
- Houston
- New Orleans
- Denver
- Calgary

I can agree on those cities. People generally make high income in those high cost of living cities so they have an attitude.

[temazepam]

I think so. I used to live in El Paso, TX when the population was about 1/2 million. It seemed generally friendlier at the time, and I felt welcomed and accepted. There was a major lack of opportunities there though, and so I moved to Southern California to start anew. I felt like many seemed rude, rushed and always wheeling and dealing. I was also intimidated by being surrounded by so many wealthy people. There are foreigners who walk on the wrong side of the sidewalks and hallways. People wouldn't say 'excuse me' and watch where they were going like they used to do in El Paso. So I had to always be on the lookout for those who weren't watching where they were going, lower my expectations for common courtesies, and stand my ground when some types of people try to walk past me on the wrong side of the path.
Then, I lived in El Paso again after a decade away. They were always rude drivers, but the city got really crowded and that friendliness and courtesy was no longer there. It hardened me and no longer felt like home. I felt like I'd never belong.
Now back to a part of southern California where my neighbors greet me! People to chitchat with at the gym, pool, activities, etc. Smiles instead of sneers. What a refreshing change of pace, and I'm glad to be back and told 'welcome back'. So I'm softening up a bit expecting to greet the neighbors in passing. I still have to stand my ground when someone insists on walking on the left side of the sidewalks...that's not the American way.

[temazepam]

Originally Posted by MontanaGuy

I lived in Seattle for almost 20 years and didn't feel like it was less friendly than any other place I've been. I've been to all 50 states and I honestly can't say that I found any particular area to be "unfriendly". I have noticed one thing though, Americans tend to be more open and generally appear to be friendlier than certain cities in other countries. People in London are much more reserved as they are in other European cities and I think it's just a cultural thing. I can spot an American a half block away when I'm travelling just by the way they look and the way they act. Americans will just walk up to strangers to ask a question and I do the same thing myself. I remember talking to a couple from Germany in a bar in New Mexico one time and everybody in the place was chit chatting with each other including the bartender. The German guy said that you wouldn't see people being so friendly and open where he was from and he commented about how genuinely friendly Americans tend to be and I have to agree with that.

I went to London once and had more men flirting with me than back here in the states.

[Texas User]

I lived in Northern California for many years and a lot of people were not nice. Never even heard of 'Yes Sir' phrase until I got to Houston.

Cali is fast life and its probably like NYC.

How do you know they are wealthy?

Originally Posted by temazepam

I think so. I used to live in El Paso, TX when the population was about 1/2 million. It seemed generally friendlier at the time, and I felt welcomed and accepted. There was a major lack of opportunities there though, and so I moved to Southern California to start anew. I felt like many seemed rude, rushed and always wheeling and dealing. I was also intimidated by being surrounded by so many wealthy people. There are foreigners who walk on the wrong side of the sidewalks and hallways. People wouldn't say 'excuse me' and watch where they were going like they used to do in El Paso. So I had to always be on the lookout for those who weren't watching where they were going, lower my expectations for common courtesies, and stand my ground when some types of people try to walk past me on the wrong side of the path.
Then, I lived in El Paso again after a decade away. They were always rude drivers, but the city got really crowded and that friendliness and courtesy was no longer there. It hardened me and no longer felt like home. I felt like I'd never belong.
Now back to a part of southern California where my neighbors greet me! People to chitchat with at the gym, pool, activities, etc. Smiles instead of sneers. What a refreshing change of pace, and I'm glad to be back and told 'welcome back'. So I'm softening up a bit expecting to greet the neighbors in passing. I still have to stand my ground when someone insists on walking on the left side of the sidewalks...that's not the American way.

[SEAandATL]

Originally Posted by temazepam

I went to London once and had more men flirting with me than back here in the states.

Yeah, the London blokes tend to be flirty and outgoing. I was just there a few months ago. I would see a girl in a pub/club, and if I didn't make a move right away, some bloke will spit some of that Hugh Grant-like charm on her and sweep her off her feet like Prince William did to Kate Middleton. Unfortunately, I didn't find the British girls to be too friendly. They had that posh and stuck-up attitude (which they are notorious for). Also, their standards of what is considered attractive is completely different from the States. An average looking girl in the States would be considered gorgeous in England. Also in London (especially in the touristy areas), its actually hard to tell who is British or not until I talk to them. A lot of the girls I approached turned out to be American tourists, like this one gorgeous blonde I saw in Shoreditch (maybe that was you ).

[poletop1]

I'm curious as to how many people equate friendliness, niceness, politeness and courtesy or if there are distinctions. I am really curious as to how people view these qualities and how they define and value them. Makes me wish I knew more about sociology.