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Usually when I was dating I would always excuse myself to the ladies room when I saw the waitress coming up with the check.
Not to be sneaky, just because I am a firm believer in the man paying (and pulling out chairs, and opening doors, etc). Especially if HE asked YOU.
I'll get back to you in a minute. First to the topic. As I grew up the gentleman always pays. Every date. The saying being it was a small price to pay to be in the company of a good woman. Something I agree with. I have just started dating after a few decades and not all that long ago looked into the eyes of a date who was wondering if she should buy or offer to chip in when the bill came. Took me a second to recognize the concern in her eyes, but I told her it was my pleasure which was true as she had been pleasant company. Regardless in this day I think being prepared to pay would be a good idea as already stated by others because things have changed out there.
And as to you Tulip, I have already said I always buy and it's a fact that I actually don't mind it. I liked the old way when we had honor and manners. However whether man or woman when you run away when the check comes that says bad things. I would not likely have dated you again.
Well, he paid for everything. I mean, when he started adding things to the bill that are unrelated to our meals and drinks, I knew he was prepared to pay. He made some sort of donation to the hungry kids in Africa or something, which was nice but well, I don't know if it truly came from his heart or he was trying to impress. I also didn't like him at all. Nice guy but zero chemistry.
It's the first date so the man should pay... unless you've been a take charge girl and you've been pursuing him and asked him out then you should pay.
Not that big a deal.
One thing to do is to reach for the bill yourself... if he is a gentleman he'll insist he pays and yeah you know you have a good one... in that regard. Actually probably a good test because if he doesn't insist on paying that should tell you something as well.
Good luck and wear something revealing but classy
But you know how waiters tend to give the bill to the man, so reaching out for it would have been somewhat awkward. I wore a classy but revealing number and honestly I wish I didn't.
He will pay. If he expects you to pay, steer clear, he is not a gentleman. Of course, paying does not mean that he is a gentleman, but expecting to go Dutch on a first date certainly means he's not. You don't need to offer. If it helps you sleep at night then offer, but really, any guy who truly likes you and is chivalrous would be glad to pay.
Nothing new here, it's just the whole who-pays-for-the-1st-date ordeal. I'm going on my 1st date (in 2 years) tonight with a guy I have been talking with for 2 weeks. I like him a lot and I believe the feeling is mutual, but all that will be confirmed tonight. So my question is, how do I approach the bill situation without sending the wrong signals? I don't want to come off as a freeloader so I would have liked to pay or meet halfway. But I understand some guys would interpret that as perhaps I'm no longer interested. Should I just let him pay? Would this be a big deal for the 40+ crowd?
Yes I sound naive, I know, but I haven't done these things in a long time.
So I'll sit tight waiting to hear from you, and in the meantime, I will worry about what to wear tonight.
Go dutch.
Please don't fall for that "whom asked whom?" stupidity.
The both of you are still considered strangers to one another. Neither of you have earned the right to have the other pay for your outing.
Go dutch and then there are no obligations.
I met lady just this morning from the dating website. We are going to have dinner on Sunday and before I could say dutch she already stated, that's what she does on the first few dates. She was the person the initiated everything for contacting me online to asking for a date.
She stated DUTCH.....I loved it. I could not have agreed more.
I had a entire thread created about the subject. MOST of the women did not agree........does not surprise me.
MOST women don't approach men and they are,ironically, the first to say, "oh, whom ever does the inviting should pay?" Really? I am not surprised they would say that neither. That means the man will always be paying.
....and guys( bless their hearts) are dumb enough to go for the ride and agree.
Well that gal that I am having dinner with, we had the same conversation today. Here is what she said:
I don't know the guys financial situation and I might want to order something really expensive like a bottle of wine or a lobster...being that we are still getting to know each other, neither one of should be obligated to cover the other parties expenses no matter who did the inviting". She also stated "What's the purpose of our date, to get a free meal or to get to know each other?"
I loved every word and I could not have agreed more.
She's older and very established. She's my kind of gal(silver fox). This my friends, is a mature adult.
I can't wait to have dinner with her.
I know, I'll get ripped a new one. I always do every time this question comes up. I still stick to my guns and TODAY I met a lady that feels the same way. I did not even mention it to her. She "gets it."
In General, not directed towards the OP:
You guys make dating so darn complicated. It has to be one of the easiest things to do. It's no wonder so many of you can't find anyone to be with.
MOST women don't approach men and they are,ironically, the first to say, "oh, whom ever does the inviting should pay?" Really? I am not surprised they would say that neither. That means the man will always be paying.
....and guys( bless their hearts) are dumb enough to go for the ride and agree.
There are no obligations anyways Ron. She owes me nothing. I owe her nothing. What is so complicated? I never worry about paying or what it cost. Only that it was the right date for the girl, something that we would enjoy together. That often means something besides dinner and guess what, I'll pay for that too. I don't feel the slightest bit taken doing that. As men we spend a fortune buying cars and all manner of crap that doesn't bring near the pleasure that a woman on a good date can for a fraction of the cost. Thats whats in it for me but then you actually have to like women. I guess this makes me stupid, I can live with that.
Well, he paid for everything. I mean, when he started adding things to the bill that are unrelated to our meals and drinks, I knew he was prepared to pay. He made some sort of donation to the hungry kids in Africa or something, which was nice but well, I don't know if it truly came from his heart or he was trying to impress. I also didn't like him at all. Nice guy but zero chemistry.
Well...he definitely does sound like a nice guy...too bad there was no chemistry.
There are no obligations anyways Ron. She owes me nothing. I owe her nothing. What is so complicated? I never worry about paying or what it cost. Only that it was the right date for the girl, something that we would enjoy together. That often means something besides dinner and guess what, I'll pay for that too. I don't feel the slightest bit taken doing that. As men we spend a fortune buying cars and all manner of crap that doesn't bring near the pleasure that a woman on a good date can for a fraction of the cost. Thats whats in it for me but then you actually have to like women. I guess this makes me stupid, I can live with that.
Well...that's the whole thing isn't it? Gosh, crabman, I wish there were more men like you. You go out with a woman to enjoy her company, not counting dollars, not trying to figure out how much she should pitch in, don't get offended if she doesn't offer...but simply to enjoy her company and take care of her.
This elevates all this pressure from the date.
I agree with Antlered and crabman. The man pays for at least the first 3,4,5 dates, no questions asked. The lady can politely offer to pay but the man should always refuse. After that point, if it starts turning into a serious relationship, then you can agree to start rotating who pays.
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