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How keyed in are you regarding your partners texting and social media activity? I don’t mean snooping or anything weird. But if you see your partner texting someone, do you ask who they’re texting? Is there a threshold or circumstance when you would ask? And what reaction would you expect?
Thinking back on my recent, less than successful relationship, I would occasionally ask if it looked like a long conversation where she was tapping away for a while or reacting (laughing, smiling, etc) to what she was receiving. I might also ask if I glanced over and saw a new message being written (couldn’t read what was being said, but could tell it was a new message because there were no old messages being displayed). I was careful in how I asked so it didn't sound accusatory, but I was always snapped at and told to mind my own business and that she would tell me if I didn't ask. But when I stopped asking, she would never tell me. I was never comfortable with snooping through her phone when she wasn't looking (even though she had no hesitations with mine).
It was a pretty one-sided facet of our relationship. For example, I would start typing a Google search and it would be...
"Who are you texting?"
"Just Googling something for work tomorrow."
"Mmmhm.. *glare*"
This ex frequently interacted with men that were interested in her so that explains a lot in her case, but I know not everyone does things like that. So how much interest is normal in that kind of thing?
I have to admit I am too much into it. I do pay attention, especially if he texts all the time, or takes his phone with him to the bathroom or when he gets up to get a snack and takes it with him.
Social media is even tougher. It would be a dealbreaker to me if I see his social media and odd stuff is going on there. I check out their social media pretty much before we even start dating. If someone has just selfies of themselves on their social media or tons of girls responding - red flag. Dump. Daily postings of their life - dump.
I was dating a guy for a few weeks whom I could not find on social media. In a conversation he told me he usually dates Russian women, which did not sit well with me but I could not really pin it down to why it bothered me so much.
He told me about instagram and I asked him for his username. I looked him up and there he was. Following about a thousand Russian strippers and alot of young girls in school uniform. Not women posing as school girls - REAL, YOUNG, UNDERAGE girls posting innocent girl stuff. Gross. DUMP.
I was dating a guy for a few weeks whom I could not find on social media. In a conversation he told me he usually dates Russian women, which did not sit well with me but I could not really pin it down to why it bothered me so much.
He told me about instagram and I asked him for his username. I looked him up and there he was. Following about a thousand Russian strippers and alot of young girls in school uniform. Not women posing as school girls - REAL, YOUNG, UNDERAGE girls posting innocent girl stuff. Gross. DUMP.
Yikes. My question would be why he even gave you his username thinking you'd be cool with that? Like you wouldn't go look? Creepy AND stupid.
Yikes. My question would be why he even gave you his username thinking you'd be cool with that? Like you wouldn't go look? Creepy AND stupid.
I wondered about that, too. And if he is into little girls, why was he interested in me? I do not look or act like a little girl at all. I mean he said he is into Russians and I have been confused with being Russian, similar accent, so I get that.
It would explain though why we met about 10 times and he never even remotely made a move. Luckily
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sadskeptic
How keyed in are you regarding your partners texting and social media activity? I don’t mean snooping or anything weird. But if you see your partner texting someone, do you ask who they’re texting? Is there a threshold or circumstance when you would ask? And what reaction would you expect?
Thinking back on my recent, less than successful relationship, I would occasionally ask if it looked like a long conversation where she was tapping away for a while or reacting (laughing, smiling, etc) to what she was receiving. I might also ask if I glanced over and saw a new message being written (couldn’t read what was being said, but could tell it was a new message because there were no old messages being displayed). I was careful in how I asked so it didn't sound accusatory, but I was always snapped at and told to mind my own business and that she would tell me if I didn't ask. But when I stopped asking, she would never tell me. I was never comfortable with snooping through her phone when she wasn't looking (even though she had no hesitations with mine).
It was a pretty one-sided facet of our relationship. For example, I would start typing a Google search and it would be...
"Who are you texting?"
"Just Googling something for work tomorrow."
"Mmmhm.. *glare*"
This ex frequently interacted with men that were interested in her so that explains a lot in her case, but I know not everyone does things like that. So how much interest is normal in that kind of thing?
IMO it's normal to be interested if they seem to go out of their way by taking their phone into the bathroom or something off like that............BUT couples that have trust aren't going to ask every time there is a text. It helps that if you do ask....they are open or say who it is with a smile or a wink or a kiss. It's red flags tho if they get defensive about it or walk out of the room or say stuff like "mind your own business" like you got.....that would be super weird to get that kinda reaction. IMO couples shouldn't be talking like that to each other.................
Overall I think, texting and social media in a relationship is a very tough topic.
If I am dating, I don't use my phone while with the other person, or rarely.
If I live with someone, and there is heavy texting going back and forth between me and someone while my SO is next to me, doing something else, I like to let him know what is going on. Like "Funny, my friend x just told me that ..."
I find it polite to let the other person know what I am up to.
I know I cannot expect that from the other person and I have had many fights with my last bf over excessive texting. Especially if we are trying to accomplish something, are on a project and it takes 3x as long because he constantly stops to text. Or the movie we watch is on pause because he is in the bathroom for 20 min and I hear the texting tone going off, while I am sitting on the couch waiting.
Overall, texting an ex is one of my pet peeves. Previous to cell phones - who really actually called their ex on a regular basis (besides Timberline)??? Almost no one. But with the texting, it is out of hand.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Not much. Every once in awhile I date someone who used FB or another social media platform like a running journal of daily activities. I usually unfollow them and just go on about business.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
Previous to cell phones - who really actually called their ex on a regular basis (besides Timberline)??? Almost no one. But with the texting, it is out of hand.
Exes, no. Not many, including me, did that. Friends yes. Of course people kept in touch with friends, plenty of which people dated.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
I know I cannot expect that from the other person and I have had many fights with my last bf over excessive texting. Especially if we are trying to accomplish something, are on a project and it takes 3x as long because he constantly stops to text. Or the movie we watch is on pause because he is in the bathroom for 20 min and I hear the texting tone going off, while I am sitting on the couch waiting.
Overall, texting an ex is one of my pet peeves. Previous to cell phones - who really actually called their ex on a regular basis (besides Timberline)??? Almost no one. But with the texting, it is out of hand.
If you are stopping a movie & he left to the bathroom to text.......that is just wrong IMO. We both get quick texts from work...or a friend....that may take a minute & we can get right back to the movie & we never leave the sofa. Texting exes...no. We also leave our phones wherever we happen to leave them......it's not like we have anything to hide.
BUT......20 minutes in the bathroom while you pause a movie so he can text???
If you are stopping a movie & he left to the bathroom to text.......that is just wrong IMO. We both get quick texts from work...or a friend....that may take a minute & we can get right back to the movie & we never leave the sofa. Texting exes...no. We also leave our phones wherever we happen to leave them......it's not like we have anything to hide.
BUT......20 minutes in the bathroom while you pause a movie so he can text???
He left to go to the bathroom to go to the bathroom. But took his phone. He did not leave to text. But then he started texting and playing games on it in between and I was just sitting there, waiting.
I did that a few times and then changed strategies. I kept the movie going and then he was mad when he came out.
Then I turned the movie off when he was gone longer than a few minutes and did something else. So then we continued the movie at some other day/time which also sucked because I wanted to see the movie!
He is an ex now, procrastinating, bipolar, pills, and texting with exes was too much. The pills may also have been a reason why he took so long, I think they caused some stomach issues. He was cute though.
How keyed in are you regarding your partners texting and social media activity? I don’t mean snooping or anything weird. But if you see your partner texting someone, do you ask who they’re texting? Is there a threshold or circumstance when you would ask? And what reaction would you expect?
Thinking back on my recent, less than successful relationship, I would occasionally ask if it looked like a long conversation where she was tapping away for a while or reacting (laughing, smiling, etc) to what she was receiving. I might also ask if I glanced over and saw a new message being written (couldn’t read what was being said, but could tell it was a new message because there were no old messages being displayed). I was careful in how I asked so it didn't sound accusatory, but I was always snapped at and told to mind my own business and that she would tell me if I didn't ask. But when I stopped asking, she would never tell me. I was never comfortable with snooping through her phone when she wasn't looking (even though she had no hesitations with mine).
It was a pretty one-sided facet of our relationship. For example, I would start typing a Google search and it would be...
"Who are you texting?"
"Just Googling something for work tomorrow."
"Mmmhm.. *glare*"
This ex frequently interacted with men that were interested in her so that explains a lot in her case, but I know not everyone does things like that. So how much interest is normal in that kind of thing?
If my bf is texting in front of me he'll usually just tell me who he's texting without me asking, however if he didn't tell me I don't think I'd ask. As for when I text I don't state who I'm texting because it just doesn't occur to me to do so, since I do it so rarely in front of him or anyone else (because I think it's just rude) but if I do text in front of him, he will usually ask me who I'm texting and I tell him.
As for social media we both follow each other, his main purpose on FB is to watch those silly videos that come up of car chases and stuff. He's not really active on IG and has very few friends and followers on both platforms. His friends list on FB is blocked from everyone except me, and vice versa....I don't think it's a matter of us not trusting each other, it's more of us trying not to hide anything from each other.
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