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I need suggestions for attracting a potential man. I am still looking to get married and have children.
About me
I am 47 from Louisiana and have never been in a relationship. I have tried everything from moving to a several new cities, losing weight, countless dating sites, singles clubs/activities, dressing in designer clothes. I am educated and have an okay paying job. Nothing seems to be working for me. I just do not understand why men are not interested?
Moving to Cities
-I have livd in 6 different cities in my lifetime. These cities include New Orleans, Los Angeles, Atlanta, New York, Denver, and San Francisco. I wanted to move to cities where the dating scenes ar larger and had more variety in men. However, I was never asked out on a date and was always turned down.
Losing Weight
In my teens and up until I was around 38, I have always been fit and at a healthy weight and I have worked hard to keep the wight off of m. When I was younger, I was very obsessed about my weight, that isn't th case with me now. Despite being very fit and healthy no men seemed to be interested.
In the dating sites, I have never had much luck, if any. I am currently frequenting chatrooms and men there are never interested. Once I send my picture they either ignore me and/or block me. Going to clubs and other activites were very weird I consider myself to be very outgoing, friendly, and very talkative. I have multiple interests and hate just sitting in the house all day. But lately that is all I have been doing for the past 5 years. This has made me very very depressed. I have given out my number to several men yet I can count on one hand how many have called back and this time frame has been for years and years. I just cannot figure out what men want.
Can anyone offer advice or at least suggestions and answers on why men just don't click with me? Men, what do you find attractive in a woman? And woman what did you change about yourself that men found attractive? I just can't seem to get it? Seriously, I am on the verge of giving up on love altogether and have contemplated suicide. I go to counseling every week and that helps somewhat but I still feel depressed especially since all of my friends are married with multiple kids. I always thought that would be me, I would have been much happier if I was in there shoes.
If you can't afford to hire one, then turn to your most honest, emotionally healthy friend or relative and ask them to be BRUTALLY HONEST with you about what they see that you are either doing wrong or need to change.
Then take their input WITHOUT getting offended, and run with it.
I agree: life coach. S/he can tell you how you're coming off to other people and that sort of thing, in a very easy-on-the-ego way. I agree with not getting offended too. Just take what s/he says and utilize it.
sometimes I think finding love is about luck, the right time the right place. you just have to keep at it, join a travel group for singles. take golf lessons or join a club that goes to sporting events. are you interesting to talk to? do you have friends in general? are you too shy? do you have an image that is projecting something you mean not to?
You don't have to answer, but the only thing that occurs to me is ... how's your face? You said you are a healthy weight, but is there possibly something about your face like acne scars or very crooked or stained teeth?
Never had a relationship at 47? How about dates / dating? What's the longest?
What was your busiest year for dates?
I'm not really nosy, just trying to get a feel for what's happening.
But nonetheless I agree with the other posters, a life coach seems like a great idea.
You have to tell to your counselor that you are contemplating suicide. Finding a partner can be very important, but the lack of a man (or woman) doesn't make a life unworthy of living. That may be part of the problem...... your goal is to be with someone and when people pick up on someone who just wants someone... guys and girls can run.
Amber, I am so sorry you are experiencing such heartache. I too have struggled with relationships and I can share with you what I learned from someone I consider wise.
Each person is different, so what I offer is just one perspective and I don't mean it to be some global thing that applies to all women...you may decide it doesn't apply to you. It makes sense to me so I share it with the hope you will find it thought-provoking.
Attraction is an energy thing. I used to think it was only looks--meaning a gal had to look like something off the runway or be perfect and gorgeous to attract men. And while yes, it is true that beautiful women are noticed and men are attracted to them right away, it doesn't guarantee they will keep a relationship (look at Halle Berry, as one example).
Now back to that energy thing. I had someone tell me that I am invisible to men. She's a psychic type person but also down to earth. When I asked her if it is my looks she said No! She explained that it is vibrational. When one is living a life and they have joy...doing things they enjoy...things that help feed their spirit...their vibrational energy is positive and attractive. It's like an inner glow. It doesn't matter what it is, but when you are in the moment, or doing a hobby that you love, or around people who you love and who love you...or anything that is uplifting, then you are in "alignment" and vibrationally people (not just men, but people in general) will see you and be more drawn to you.
On the flip side, if you're not happy, not doing things you enjoy, in a job you hate, or not liking your life, etc, etc, then that energy affects you vibrationally and keeps you hidden. It's all about energy, and not about just about the right clothes or the right hair style, etc. You can have all of that and still be invisible.
The irony here is that of course you want a relationship...romance...a partnership and you said you're unhappy because you don't have that. You mentioned feeling suicidal. I know how much this hurts (believe me I feel it too), but you have got to figure out a way to see success in life that doesn't only depend on being in a relationship. Because if that is your ONLY criteria, then that is a setup for continued unhappiness.
I don't have the magic formula to answer the "how does one stop wanting what they want?" I don't think there is such a thing. At the same time, you need to focus on things that *do* uplift you...things that *do* make you feel good and things that can make a difference. You may find yourself meeting people you wouldn't have otherwise met. I'm not saying there's some magic wand and all will be different, but think about when you've found yourself attracted to someone and they weren't classically handsome. Maybe they had an interesting quirk...or made you laugh...or were very witty....or had a certain sparkle in their eyes. That's their energy that you are attracted to.
Thank you all for your replies. I have gained a lot weight due to my depression, I will have to look into finding a lifecoach. I have asked relatives before and they said everything about me was okay the only negative connotation was that I needed to loose weight. But I figured if no men where interested in me when I was lighter and fit what would make them interested in me now?
Thank you all for your replies. I have gained a lot weight due to my depression, I will have to look into finding a lifecoach. I have asked relatives before and they said everything about me was okay the only negative connotation was that I needed to loose weight. But I figured if no men where interested in me when I was lighter and fit what would make them interested in me now?
Can you post a pic or describe what you look like? I will be more that happy to give you a consultation
Never had a relationship at 47? How about dates / dating? What's the longest?
What was your busiest year for dates?
I'm not really nosy, just trying to get a feel for what's happening.
But nonetheless I agree with the other posters, a life coach seems like a great idea.
You have to tell to your counselor that you are contemplating suicide. Finding a partner can be very important, but the lack of a man (or woman) doesn't make a life unworthy of living. That may be part of the problem...... your goal is to be with someone and when people pick up on someone who just wants someone... guys and girls can run.
I have had a couple of dates but they were very, very awkward. The guy would usually tell me that we just did not click or he wasn't looking for anything serious right now but 2 months later he has a fiance. Men have done nothing but outright lie to me. My busiest year for dating was when i was around 25 thru my early 30s. In my earlier 20s I was so focused on my career that I felt that I did not need a man to make me happy. Now the opposite is true. Sorry if this sounds like a rant, but I am just so frustrated right now.
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