He may join the Marines :/ (dates, wife, girlfriend, long distance)

[MsBugg]

Ok, so I have been seeing this guy for not even a month. And we both really like each other. Problem is I dont have a car, only he does. And we live 40 mins away. So its hard to see each other. Only saw each other once, and even though it went great, we havent seen each other since. We do talk every day though. But I told him the other day that because he cant really come to see me often, and we dont know one another that well, that maybe we should hold off on being together, and just stay friends for now. Because lets face it, a good relationship is based on a solid friendship. And that what I want a solid friendship, that will blossom into a long lasting loving relationship. Well, he told me (before i told him i wanted to be just friends) that he might be joining the Marines. And as I was talking to him on the phone, he brought up a good point. 'If you cant handle being away from me for a couple of weeks, how are you going to handle being away from me for 3+ months, and who knows how much longer.' Well, I was not even thinking about him joining the Marines when I told him we should be friends. I was thinking about me getting hurt. And I ended up hurting him even more than I had thought. I really want to see where the relationship could go. But I am lost as to what to do at this time. I am in need of advice. I would truly appreciate it

Thank you,

Shana

[MIKEETC]

Originally Posted by MsBugg

... I am in need of advice. I would truly appreciate it

Thank you,

Shana

I think you're going to have to let this one go.

[Backliteyes]

You seem pretty unsure of what you want from the guy. If he joins the marines, you should probably just part ways on good terms and let it go. If he doesn't, then you can continue with being friends or whatever it is you want to do...even I'm getting mixed messages off you so I don't doubt he is.

[TabulaRasa]

Um, 3+ months?

My bro-in-law, a Marine, has been in Afghanistan for the better part of a year, missing all but the beginning month or so of his wife's pregnancy with their first child, her birth, and her first months of her life, with no end in sight.

[Mikala43]

Do you guys talk a lot on the phone? What else has there been between the two of you aside from one date? How long did that date last?

[dr74]

Originally Posted by MsBugg

Ok, so I have been seeing this guy for not even a month. And we both really like each other. Problem is I dont have a car, only he does. And we live 40 mins away. So its hard to see each other. Only saw each other once, and even though it went great, we havent seen each other since. We do talk every day though. But I told him the other day that because he cant really come to see me often, and we dont know one another that well, that maybe we should hold off on being together, and just stay friends for now. Because lets face it, a good relationship is based on a solid friendship. And that what I want a solid friendship, that will blossom into a long lasting loving relationship. Well, he told me (before i told him i wanted to be just friends) that he might be joining the Marines. And as I was talking to him on the phone, he brought up a good point. 'If you cant handle being away from me for a couple of weeks, how are you going to handle being away from me for 3+ months, and who knows how much longer.' Well, I was not even thinking about him joining the Marines when I told him we should be friends. I was thinking about me getting hurt. And I ended up hurting him even more than I had thought. I really want to see where the relationship could go. But I am lost as to what to do at this time. I am in need of advice. I would truly appreciate it

Thank you,

Shana

Aww mama..do not be sad...honesty is always best...
Just because he brought up a valid point should not make you sad only YOU know what you can do and wont do...Because there is no can't.

You can still choose to see him and continue speaking to him as you have only if you feel you can and he agrees...
Being friends does strengthen the bond and yes FOR some people distance does kill it a bit doesn't it?

As an ex military wife I will tell you it is not for everyone...
I knew what I was getting myself into..
Boot camp and not being able to hear from him for the first 3 months..
Then seeing him again for a week or 2 and when he leaves it feels like you lost your best friend...but it gets easier...for some..

My ex barely made it for the birth of our son my best friend was my lamaze coach but instead of dwelling in the negative I was glad he made it..
during our ten year marriage he did 1 tour in Korea, 2 tours in afghanistan that lasted a year each, school in between and seeing him on weekends, out in the field for weeks at a time, training ( war games) ect...

Believe it or not for some ( I included) get useto this..this becomes routine and part of life but again I state that this is not for all women..especially clingy women..
YOU need to accept that this is his life choice as far as career and you need to determine whether you can do this or not..
It means BEING very independant and doing things on your own but never forgetting you are married or in a relationship with a soldier and your first duty is to be loyal.
Being that you two have only seen each other once? I would discuss with him before he reads into the relationship more than need be..
Good luck.

[Checkered24]

Being a spouse of someone in the military is hard enough for someone who is married. However, your relationship at this point is only a long distance one using the phone and computer, with one date behind you.

It is going to be difficult for you to even grow your relationship, with the limited time you will have to see each other. I would think that, based on these facts, it would take an extremely long time to get to know the person well enough to even commit to a LTR with him. Keeping in touch over distance is limiting.

I think your being honest with him and yourself by wanting to stay "just friends" right now.

Part of starting and being in a relationship is committing the time needed to be in it. Right now, a lot of outside factors are preventing this commitment.

Best of luck, and I hope enough changes so you two can have some dates and have a clearer picture of what you may want in terms of a relationship!

[round4]

Remain friends...He joins up, and is to be commended for that, I might add. And write to him, send him care packages, and talk on the phone when you can. And when he does get to come home, make time for him, and see where it goes. Good luck, and in the end he should respect you for being honest with him.

[AlaMommy]

I would just say, look the timing isn't right for this. Lets just keep in touch and go our seperate ways, and when you get back, and if we're in a position to spend some legitimate time together, we can see what happens from there.
You don't have enough invested in him after a month, let alone only seeing him once, to "wait for him" until he gets back.
You initial call to keep it friends until something changed was a good one, and him going away only makes it a better call.

If he wants to be with you that bad, he can wait until he's able to be around you to start the relationship.

[MsBugg]

I apreciate you all for the great advice, but I just thought I would update you as far as the situation goes. He did ask me to be his girlfriend, and I really like him and enjoy his company, so I said yes. If he does decide to go into the USMC then I will definitely stand by his side thru it all. I'm not the type who needs to be with my man 24/7, but I just figured because it had been a few weeks since we saw each other, that maybe he just wasn't interested. But I have seen him 2x since then, and well, theyve been great. Just wish me luck

& thank you again for your words of wisdom and great advice. Truly appreciated