You're nice to me when there's no one else around. (dating, women)
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"You're nice to me when there's no one else around."
What do you think of this line? It's from a song by Hank Williams.
Do you think this is the kind of relationship that can work? One where one person is nicer than the other. The less nice person is only nice to them in private, but not around others, for whatever reason.
I'm really only asking about this one line as a standalone statement. The rest of the song talks about the singer implying that he loves the girl twice as much as she does him. But my question could refer to a relationship where the "mean" person actually likes the guy more than he likes her. Not necessarily that way, but I just don't want that factored into the discussion, if possible.
Is it a natural way for people to behave? Or is it somehow dysfunctional?
No, it's absolute crap if a person treats you different when you are alone compared to how he treats you in front of others. The worse of the 2 treatments should be noted and have consequences. If he's hitting you for example (and I realize you are just making posts randomly OP) when no one's around, that's obviously not cool. If he's nice to you when alone, probably to have sex with you and he is kind of a jerk trying to be cool when his friends are around to the point he makes fun of you, for example, also not cool. Behavior should be mostly consistent.
If he's nice to you when alone, probably to have sex with you and he is kind of a jerk trying to be cool when his friends are around to the point he makes fun of you, for example, also not cool. Behavior should be mostly consistent.
Yes, that's close to what I was getting at. Kind of like the scene in "Grease" when Danny was mean to Sandy in front of his friends.
But that's NOT the only thing I've seen. I've seen women who were actually nice. But when other people were around they would not be as nice, maybe because they didn't want to look too forward, or they didn't want to offend other women. Or if their female friend was around they were not as open and friendly to the guy. Does that make sense? It doesn't have to be the extreme way like in "Grease". It can be a lot more subtle.
Another example is when I pass a woman in the hallway at work who is always friendly. But on the one occasion that someone else is in view, she suddenly ignores me.
I get the feeling that I could not be with someone who was that way, even if they were nice in other ways.
Is it too much to say that this would be a deal-breaker for me?
no, deal breakers are up to the individual. I think it's a deal breaker too though I'd not necessarily thought of it like that before. Mixed messages, even if the messages are only mixed when others are around are still mixed messages and show a person isn't sure what they want. I want to be with someone who is consistent in wanting to be with me regardless of who is around.
no, deal breakers are up to the individual. I think it's a deal breaker too though I'd not necessarily thought of it like that before. Mixed messages, even if the messages are only mixed when others are around are still mixed messages and show a person isn't sure what they want. I want to be with someone who is consistent in wanting to be with me regardless of who is around.
Yes. The problem for me is that most women seem to have that quality. Most of the women that I like are that way, and I don't understand it. It seems like a "female" thing because I've seen some more aggressive guys call them out in front of others when they act like that. One guy said, "Oh, so why are you less friendly today than yesterday? Is it because Mary is here today?" He did it to embarrass her or make her think about what she was doing, because from his point of view she did a lousy thing to him. He's also a kind of attractive guy so maybe he had been treated that way before. But I was kind of glad he was bold in saying that because I understood where he was coming from.
But the few women I've met who don't act that way, I find that we seem to get along better. I don't know if it is because they are more open, almost aggressive. Well, not necessarily aggressive, that's not a good word. But they are usually more extroverted. (Although extroverted doesn't mean that they won't pull the same trick on you). But I've also met nice women who were introverted. And this problem occur with women who are extroverted as well. So I don't even know if I'm making sense.
Yes. The problem for me is that most women seem to have that quality. Most of the women that I like are that way, and I don't understand it. It seems like a "female" thing because I've seen some more aggressive guys call them out in front of others when they act like that. One guy said, "Oh, so why are you less friendly today than yesterday? Is it because Mary is here today?" He did it to embarrass her or make her think about what she was doing, because from his point of view she did a lousy thing to him. He's also a kind of attractive guy so maybe he had been treated that way before. But I was kind of glad he was bold in saying that because I understood where he was coming from.
But the few women I've met who don't act that way, I find that we seem to get along better. I don't know if it is because they are more open, almost aggressive. Well, not necessarily aggressive, that's not a good word. But they are usually more extroverted. (Although extroverted doesn't mean that they won't pull the same trick on you). But I've also met nice women who were introverted. And this problem occur with women who are extroverted as well. So I don't even know if I'm making sense.
LOL. You kind of are. Usually if a woman likes you, she treats you well in front of others too. However, sometimes she can be shy here and there maybe when there's an audience. Each case is somewhat different. But I like consistency in a person. And confidence. A person should have the confidence to be consistent, if that makes sense
It is extremely dysfunctional and unhealthy to be around these people.
I would call someone who behaves like this 'toxic'.
More than likely, around certain people, they are worried about what people think of them for associating/befriending/dating people.
At some level, either a social anxiety, or reputation affect, or a false embarrassment they have created in their head about another person is in affect here.
I typically avoid these people if possible. And I will never date someone who behaves like this.
Yeah I'd take it to mean the person is ashamed of me. I'd be on the fast track to moving on.
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