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Just thought I'd make a thread about this because there seems to be a lot of people with unhappy relationships on here! I just ended a two year relationship with a person who was controlling and mentally abusive.
When you first start out, everything seems wonderful, and they can even seem like the nicest and perfect person for you, and this person you see might be; but in time, things will start to go sour. Typically it starts with the first time you cause a dissapointment in their eyes. They will say, we can work through this, it is ok and I'm going to stick with you through your rough times. This could be a very genuine person, or this could show you are with a mentally abusive person. The mentally abusive person will not be there when you are upset about whatever it is that happened, they will constantly hold any mistakes you have done over your head and say "I stuck with you through this, I am so good and look what you've done, you failed". You have to see this and know that you're not a failure.
It is so easy to start feeling inferior in these stages, and after that first dissapointment whatever it may be, will always be reminded to you and shown that you messed up, and then they will find more things and try to show you how they are better.
Your significant other should never bring you down, they should never say "I have no words to help you, you screwed up and it is your own fault, dont come to me". You should feel like your S.O is always there to tell you that you're the best in the world and nothing less.
If when you are with your S.O and you feel inferior, and they don't help you, or if they act like you are less than them, or bring up reasons why you won't find a better person, recognize this and leave, no matter how hard it is. You can always do better, you need to get your confidence up and realize there are so many people out there who will happily be with you through the thick and thin and not be a reminder of your mistakes.
When you leave, the controlling person will cry, say everything possible to get your attention. They won't stop either, they continue and continue to tell you that youre the best person in the world. They will tell you they will change, it will not happen. Get out, and stop worrying about not finding another person,what you need to do is find yourself, people will come to you.
Youll feel very sad at first when you leave a controlling relationship, but it will not take long for you to feel a huge sense of relief in your life. You will undoubtfully have a boost of confidence. In this time it is imperative to set goals for yourself, something you have always wanted to do and go for it. Youll be happy, and that person will not stop, later that person will start telling you that YOU are the person who hurt them by leaving and they love you so much, but you cannot feel upset by this, no matter what they say , and you must always remember how you felt.
Hope this helps someone, I was sad about leaving my relationship for about 2 days. This is probably too long of a post for most people here, but hey, good luck to everyone! I feel very relieved now and 3 weeks later I am a much happier person. If a relationship is bringing down your mood, get out, it isn't supposed to be like that.
I've been in those shoes. Yes, it was a huge relief when I finally ended it. I've never looked back and I feel better about myself than I have in a few years.
Thanks for taking the time to start this thread. Its got some wonderful advice.
Actually, I think I will send it to my co worker. We had a talk the other day over lunch, and I think this will "hit home" to her! I hope!
Things I learned that helped me get out of a mentally abusive relationship,: Seek Co-Dependency counseling, groups, or books. Co-Dependency No More is a book that I highly recommend, as it helped me personally. That mental abuse can sometimes be as bad as physical, you can show ppl your bruises, but mental abuse you cannot. It is very subtle, and by the time you can get perspective, if you get perspective, the damage may have already been done to your self-esteem. There are some really good websites that may offer the "red flags" if you aren't sure if your relationship is healthy, do some research.
Wow, i wish i had this advice last year when i was in a mentally abusive relationship.
Its a horrible thing to have to go through, always thinking about what you've done wrong this time or why your not good enough for them.
It drained me completely, i was constantly trying to change to make him happy, when nothing i did would ever make him happy.
I was constantly miserable. He never wanted to spend time with me outside of the house, it was okay for him to go out with his friends but never for me, if i went out i was automatically cheating on him.
Even when i was being nice i was 'destroying his confidence'
I took up smoking again and he said he could no longer trust me because of it.
please people take the advice that has been given on here and get out before it gets too far.
No man/ Woman deserves to be put through mental abuse!
The worst mental abuse is when a person buys into mental abuse and starts to abuse themselves. This becomes a system of belief and a cycle. Love yourself enough to get out or get happy.
No, the worst mental abuse is when people who have absolutely no idea what they are talking about make nonsensical statements which add to the victim's guilt and feelings of worthlessness and further reinforce the abuser's power.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Resident_Tourist
The worst mental abuse is when a person buys into mental abuse and starts to abuse themselves. This becomes a system of belief and a cycle. Love yourself enough to get out or get happy.
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Love Yourself
