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I don't really think there is any room or purpose in a relationship for physical violence and fighting. Do things happen? Yes, but there's place for it in any relationship. To me, it just kinda defeats the whole purpose of being with someone. That's supposed to be a positive addition to your life, not something damaging. Do we argue? Yes. Are we always going to agree with one another? No. Will things always be peachy? Probably not. But, it doesn't welcome beatings and physical violence. No loving relationship really has that. My brother and I used to fight when we were growing up, as siblings. That's the only type of love that allows fighting, lol. But, romantic relationships, nahhhhh.
I don't really think there is any room or purpose in a relationship for physical violence and fighting. Do things happen? Yes, but there's place for it in any relationship. To me, it just kinda defeats the whole purpose of being with someone. That's supposed to be a positive addition to your life, not something damaging. Do we argue? Yes. Are we always going to agree with one another? No. Will things always be peachy? Probably not. But, it doesn't welcome beatings and physical violence. No loving relationship really has that. My brother and I used to fight when we were growing up, as siblings. That's the only type of love that allows fighting, lol. But, romantic relationships, nahhhhh.
Physical fighting isn't acceptable for siblings either.
I'm terribly sorry if he didn't follow your carefully laid-out set of 'rules for replies' , but he exercised his right to comment...I think the problem lies in the fact that he spoke up and got straight to the point, and your best defense is 'now, see here!'...
Thanks, though I am a She
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuickStudy178
I was responding to post #136: "Keep your a$$ in (The Hamptons) with that noise.. Nobody gives a f$#%."
Was this a constructive on-topic post in your eyes?
That one was to get your attention. I like to stir the pot when the 'stove' is being bogarted.
Re-read my posts following that one, which you seemed to completely overlook, for some odd reason.. Hmm.
Post #'s :140, 148, 151, 154, 160. Yeah, things get real constructive.
Again this MAY BE YOUR EXPERIENCE and like myself I have no reason to believe you since you seem to be so anti-DV as if it does not occur... I am going to question YOUR credibility since you seem to discount the words of any other posters as well as myself and the agency I worked for..as well as GOOD agencies statewide... As excellent advocates with ethics in place we never assisted clients in false reporting...EVER... Many times we have questioned clients and therefore did not advocate on their behalf.. If you delve deep into my previous posts made on this forum, you will find that I too have seen first hand cases of DV that according to you seldom happen... Our jobs are not to take the rights away from fathers, demonize men and so forth...our job is to advocate for women and men whom need our services...to give them the education and support they need... We just had our 24th VIGIL this year and with each year our list gets longer and longer...you know WOMEN whom have lost their lives to DV... Death is a statistic is it not? Matter of fact closer to home? I just lost a good friend to DV 3 months ago...Her husband abused and terrified her for years..but she came from a mentality that you "deal with it" One month prior to her death she kicked her husband out..but according to you this is women whom just want to go on with their lives...boy are you jaded..The PD made him collect his belongings and all the while her husband cried that he had never touched her? Within this month he had stalked her, I finally convinced her to get a protective order..after it was granted? He caught her the next sunday at a local market...her 4 children were waiting for her to come home with dinner...but she never came home, why? Because their POOR dad, whom never touched their mom, because there was never any reports made of the abuse... waited for her... Before this? He sent his daughter a text as well as my expired friend stating that he was going to bury her, the kids as well as the PD and the entire family.. He struggled with her in broad daylight...and then before she could get away? He shot her 3 times at close range...I am not sure what bullet actually killed her..hmm was it the one in her stomach? Her upper chest near her lungs or the one in the head? But according to your rants and raves? This seldom ever happens... I am going to send you to the home of her family and children so you can spew this rhetoric to them...
^ I think this is a great post, in spite of the horrible & heartbreaking truths it contains...
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When it comes to matters of Domestic Violence, this is a thread acknowledging when it DOES happen. Not the instances which do not.
I personally feel the insenstive comments made by a certain poster are really not helpful to women & men dealing with real acts of Domestic Violence.
I believe attitudes like that do not help women/men find their voice when it comes to speaking out and getting the help & protection they need. It only reinforces the silence...
However, I am open to new ways of thinking. Believe me, I would be very happy if someone could show me that I am the only one in this world that attracts one sociopathic case after another. I would like to think that the world is a better place than the world I seem to live in. I see a lot of misery and a lot of terrible people, and it's depressing, and I guess it makes me angry. I do what I do, because very few other people really want to get involved in these types of cases or handle them thoroughly.
You are obviously cynical and bitter about your work situation maybe? Where do you work that you would be seeing all of this.
I was an abused woman. I used the Court system for a Protection Order that didn't work.I was not a frequent user of Women's Refuge although I did go to one once. They contacted the Police and the Police told me if they came to my house again they would take my children away, so I never went to the Police again, I did it all on my own. I couldn't share anything with my family, I was completely alone through a number of years of hell. I ended up running away to another country and that is how I escaped the violence. I made a new life for myself.
I don't care what you believe, I care about the other women like me, middle class, professionals, not crack addicts or meth heads, just normal women who got caught up in something so unfamiliar to her, she didn't know how to deal with it.
By your arguing against domestic violence you are putting other women at risk and you are denying them freedom from abuse. Maybe you should stop and think about what you are doing instead of holding up your self righteous, sanctimonious opinion and airing it for all to see.
This is someone using the forum as a platform to strike out at the abused, advocates, and the justice system fueled by his own personal experience, under the guise of a professional.
IMO...To much personal angst here. He can make paper airplanes out of the pamplets and DV statistics in his spare time to soothe the wounds to his ego.
^ I think this is a great post, in spite of the horrible & heartbreaking truths it contains...
--
When it comes to matters of Domestic Violence, this is a thread acknowledging when it DOES happen. Not the instances which do not.
I personally feel the insenstive comments made by a certain poster are really not helpful to women & men dealing with real acts of Domestic Violence.
I believe attitudes like that do not help women/men find their voice when it comes to speaking out and getting the help & protection they need. It only reinforces the silence...
Exactly! If I could rep you I would...
This is the reason alot of women or men do not come forward...
DV is already seen as a shameful thing to the survivor...
They already feel fear and shame over what loved ones and others will think, the questions of why they stayed so long and so forth...for reasons that only they understand...
While Quickstudy chooses to focus on the charlatans that DO RUIN it for the rest of DV survivors and families seeking assistance on their behalf..he fails to see reality...THAT IF DV did not exist there would be no need for advocacy groups...period and end of story...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
You are obviously cynical and bitter about your work situation maybe? Where do you work that you would be seeing all of this.
I was an abused woman. I used the Court system for a Protection Order that didn't work.I was not a frequent user of Women's Refuge although I did go to one once. They contacted the Police and the Police told me if they came to my house again they would take my children away, so I never went to the Police again, I did it all on my own. I couldn't share anything with my family, I was completely alone through a number of years of hell. I ended up running away to another country and that is how I escaped the violence. I made a new life for myself.
I don't care what you believe, I care about the other women like me, middle class, professionals, not crack addicts or meth heads, just normal women who got caught up in something so unfamiliar to her, she didn't know how to deal with it.
By your arguing against domestic violence you are putting other women at risk and you are denying them freedom from abuse. Maybe you should stop and think about what you are doing instead of holding up your self righteous, sanctimonious opinion and airing it for all to see.
Thank you for sharing your story, this must be very hard to do..
And you are correct..
I also wanted to touch on a segment of your post..
DV AFFECTS women from ALL Backgrounds, socio-economical , race and so forth...
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode
The poster in question has 0 credibility.
This is someone using the forum as a platform to strike out at the abused, advocates, and the justice system fueled by his own personal experience, under the guise of a professional.
IMO...To much personal angst here. He can make paper airplanes out of the pamplets and DV statistics in his spare time to soothe the wounds to his ego.
Excellent...
While it is okay to base an opinion based on personal experiences it is imperative to be objective..Once ANY PROFESSIONAL loses objective? They are no longer useful in their field...
As with everything, the approach SHOULD always be CASE BY CASE...
While I have encountered women that do lie and make false allegations it has been my experience that they have been in the minority..
DV is a very serious, and we as advocates take olur job seriously since we are entrusted with the lives, well being of women and children that have proven time and time again that they need advocacy.
One aspect that has not been discussed is the mental state in which the women come to us...they are scared, overwhelmed, they have lost faith in the Police dept. at times because they have failed to protect them, they have been broken down, resolved to nothing by their batterers.
We are not interested in ruining lives but we are interested in rebuilding them...
As far as Quickstudy goes? As long as there are people willing to stand against his narrow scope of reality than he will never win...
TO ANSWER QUICKSTUDY...
You stated that you wanted someone to prove you wrong?
I see many posters that have shared personal experiences, points of views and so forth..
I have posted up my personal knowledge and experience on the matter..and I will take the advice of another poster, I wil not post up stats...because you are in denial..
I will state again and again how many women have come through my door, how much has been proven, the confrontations I have had with batterers finding our safe house and threatned the well being of not only their former spouse/girlfriend but of all my families...how many times I have had to contact the PD after a breach and ask for extra patrols all night long.
How MANY times these so called falsely accused men have lost in court and showed the judge exactly how nice and harmless they are...how many times a batterer hashad the audacity to confront one of my clients after their case was heard and they were awaiting court docs to be filed andthe bailiff has had to intervene...and the sherrifs had to be called down to family court to take a batterer into custody...
SO throughout the years that I did this I can state the same numbers you stated if not more of cases were DV was the case...
For me, strike one and he WAS OUT! Several years ago I met a man in a chatroom; we hit it off and for 6 months exchanged emails, phone calls, letters. We became deeply interested in each other; he invited me to fly out to CT to see if we "clicked" and to get to know one another in person. He met me at the airport, and upon my renting a car asked to have him added as a driver. The agent checked and said no, he is on our "do not rent to" list. Should have been my first red flag warning; found out later he had had 3 DUI's! We spent the day sightseeing, me driving. Later that evening I made a wrong turn, got lost and he went absolutely berserk! Pounding the dashboard, screeching two inches from my face "YOU B*** WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO DRIVE!!" I got a bad feeling, and terrified, drove back to the motel and told him "it's done...now...here...goodbye". Finished the vacation solo and had the best time of my life.
One good thing came from this terrifying experience... I fell in love with New England and have returned every year since then to vacation
I try not to post when I am in 'heated' mode, but I did...and you replied with something that makes good sense...
And I think we're both on the same page as far as finding non-violent methods to deal with abusers...in fact, those might work better---you and I both acknowledged we'd love to actually get our hands on said abusers, true, but in the long run, there are many ways you can exact revenge on someone who has wronged you and yours, without either firing a shot or throwing a punch, which a lot of times are the first things that come to mind in a situation like that (abuse)
Glad we could agree
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, but he exercised his right to comment...I think the problem lies in the fact that he spoke up and got straight to the point, and your best defense is 'now, see here!'...
