Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hi. I recently tried on-line dating in hopes of genuinely meeting someone. However, every contact wants me to call him by the 2nd message - and doesn't appear to have even read my profile. My profile is very tame - albeit conservative and I am surprised by this response. This makes me extremely leery. Generally speaking, how long should you wait before you connect by phone or in person? Also, I seem to only find men who mark off their religion as "other." What does that mean? I'm not fanatically religious - but I am a practicing Catholic. Is there a free website for Catholics to meet?
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,034,272 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by koalabear
Hi. I recently tried on-line dating in hopes of genuinely meeting someone. However, every contact wants me to call him by the 2nd message - and doesn't appear to have even read my profile. My profile is very tame - albeit conservative and I am surprised by this response. This makes me extremely leery. Generally speaking, how long should you wait before you connect by phone or in person? Also, I seem to only find men who mark off their religion as "other." What does that mean? I'm not fanatically religious - but I am a practicing Catholic. Is there a free website for Catholics to meet?
A quick google search turned up several dating sites/services specifically for Catholics. There's also the Christian dating sites.
You are right to be cautious. Some of these men might just prefer to hear a voice, but they should be equally willing to get to know you a bit by exchanging messages/chatting online before arranging to meet.
Probably stating the obvious/you are already aware of this but it's highly advisable to meet/have a date in a public place when you first meet someone.
When I was doing online dating, I preferred to do the phone/meeting thing as soon as possible. Only because you get into this rhythm of emailing each other back and forth for WEEKS sometimes - and finally when you get around to setting a time to talk on the phone, or just meet for coffee, you realize the online connection doesn't translate over to the physical world. This happened with 1 guy who I had a great connection over email, but when we met in person - there was no connection, no attraction, no chemistry, nothing. It was disappointing for both of us.
In my view, I think spending at least 1 week emailing to discuss the preliminaries is fine. You want to see what common interests you share, and then after you feel comfortable that this is someone you may want to learn more about - then you share your phone number. It usually takes 1-2 phone calls for me to find out if I am interested in meeting that person in real life. Then from those phone calls, I would set up a time to meet for coffee and see if that initial meeting yields promise. If it does, then its great. If not, you just cut it off and there is no harm, no foul.
Different people may advise otherwise but the above worked for me and I am married to a man I met from an online dating site..
I also met my guy through the online dating arena and he felt the same way I did about phone calls and meeting.
I prefer to hold off on exchanging numbers until I have established that he is someone I actually want to meet. I try to get to know as much about them beforehand and, depending on how available they are to answer/respond to email, it could take a couple of days or two weeks. I'm in no rush. He shouldn't be either.
I did have to change my number due to a wacko calling me at all hours for a while, so I am even more apprehensive about giving a number out so quickly. I also bought a throw away phone, something to consider. Having to change a number I had for years was a huge inconvenience. I didn't want to have to do it again.
Online is just part of the "screening" process. I think you will WANT to call the person, or have them call you, when you meet someone online you are excited about.
This is what I recommend! I don't see a point in emailing a person back and forth for weeks. What I usually do is, I exchange a few emails with the girl then, ask for her phone number.
We text for a few days or about a week, then set a time and date to meet.
Texting is not my favorite way to communicate but sometimes, you can tell a lot about the person, like a person who will text you 10 times, before you can respond to one of her/his texts is obviously not someone you want to meet, lol
I don't really see the importance of talking on the phone before meeting though. I met a girl online, we dated for a few weeks, now she has been living with me, let's call her an "unwanted" roommate.
First time I talked on the phone, I thought she sounded reasonable, but later I realized that she tells every guy the same BS story about how every one treats her bad and how she is ready to find someone to treat her right hahaha! This chick is a nutcase!
I have been texting a woman for about a week now, and she would flip out every time It took me more than 10 minutes to answer her (definitely a red flag), definitely not even wasting my time with this one
Meeting is really the best and the only way to see people for who they truly are
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,000,387 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Repubocrat
This is what I recommend! I don't see a point in emailing a person back and forth for weeks. What I usually do is, I exchange a few emails with the girl then, ask for their phone number.
We text for a few days or about a week, then set a time and date to meet. Texting is not my favorite way to communicate but sometimes, you can tell a lot about the person, like a person who will text you 10 times, before you can respond to one of her/his texts is obviously not someone you want to meet, lol
I have been texting a woman for about a week now, and she would flip out every time It took me more than 10 minutes to answer her (definitely a red flag), definitely not even wasting my time with this one
Meeting is really the best and the only way to see people for who they truly are
Ridiculous. But I guess it's a good way to weed out the undesirables. On my last job--and the one I'm trying for now--I worked 12 hour shifts on my feet with two 15 minute breaks, time permitting, and a mandatory half hour for lunch. Those breaks fly by. I'm not going to spend any of it texting or talking on the phone. I'm going to get off my feet and relax while I can.
As far as how long to wait, until and if you're both ready to meet. I waited nearly two years before I met someone in person I met online and that was after talking on the phone nearly every day and emailing daily. I saw no hurry. That time flew by. It didn't work out romantically but we're best of friends and roommates now.
I prefer to talk to someone on the phone after a few emails. You can tell a lot about them if you listen. Some ppl just want to meet and if they don't like what they see they don't want to waste their time to get to know you. JMO. I am not a texter but I agree with White Byrd.. if you are an adult you should realize that certain issues such as work are more important than texting you back the minute you receive a text. If they don't respond for a couple of days then it is probably a sign that they are just 'not that in to you'.
Use a cell phone and meet only in a public place. Go for coffee rather than a meal so if either of you want to make a quick get a way then it is easier over coffee. Also remember there are a lot of scammers out there that want your money.. I have had several contact me and they were overseas and needed me to send them cash which they would repay with their paycheck.. ROFL.. sure
This is what I recommend! I don't see a point in emailing a person back and forth for weeks.
Meeting is really the best and the only way to see people for who they truly are
When I first started online dating, I did the "cautious emailing, then calling, then finally meeting" deal. After a few months of this, I decided that quicker was better - since I discovered that no matter what I thought of the person, until I met them and could be face to face, I didn't know squat.
I could be incredibly attracted by their picture, their profile, the words they used in emails, even their voice and conversation, but more often than not, it all changed once face to face. Sometimes for the better, more often than not, for the worse. I realized all the time I'd wasted trying to figure out if any of them was "the one."
When I decided to start meeting them right away - like the first day or so, I saved a ton of time, and actually enjoyed the process more.
Yes, I met my husband that way and yes, we've been married over 10 years.
Always met them in public places! Once, even a parking lot because the guy had met so many women who claimed to have only a few extra pounds, when in reality they lied big time both about their weight and their age. Once he saw me, we did have coffee (or some beverage).. and a nice conversation.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
