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Yet I can't hate her & to some extent I feel sorry for her because we've all made some truly bad choice's in our personal lives. I'll be the first one to admit that. She told a good friend of mine that she wish's she would of stayed & tried to work thing's out like I asked her too. She hurt me when she left & there is no going back to her ever. I am in love with the women I am seeing now & even if she wasn't in my life & still wouldn't go back to her. MY question is should I feel bad at all for her? I can't hate anyone I've never been that type of person. While I dislike what she did I still feel bad that she's going though hell with her new BF & the regreats she is having now.
Am I being naive or just human?
Let the flamming start!
No flaming from this end...rather, your capacity to feel concern how the other is faring after a break-up is quite refreshing in my book!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cindy_Jole
It's only human to feel sympathy for someone that you once loved and planned to share the rest of your life with. No flaming from me.
I can only wish that to "still care" is a normal reaction for all humans after a relationship collapses. Ideals leave a bitter taste in the mouth in the real world.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reed067
Yet I can't hate her & to some extent I feel sorry for her because we've all made some truly bad choice's in our personal lives. I'll be the first one to admit that. She told a good friend of mine that she wish's she would of stayed & tried to work thing's out like I asked her too. She hurt me when she left & there is no going back to her ever. I am in love with the women I am seeing now & even if she wasn't in my life & still wouldn't go back to her. MY question is should I feel bad at all for her? I can't hate anyone I've never been that type of person. While I dislike what she did I still feel bad that she's going though hell with her new BF & the regreats she is having now.
Am I being naive or just human?
Let the flamming start!
I think there is nothing wrong with having empathy or sympathy for her making a regrettable decision that is bearing sour fruit. However I hope it would stop right there.
I wouldn't lose any sleep over it Reed. From the stats I have seen previously, from various studies over the years, about 50% of people regret not working harder at saving the relationship before divorcing. So some regret is normal, and in fact, is part and parcel of the "grieving" process of divorce. And apparently even people that initiate the divorce go through that grieving process - myself included.
Yet I can't hate her & to some extent I feel sorry for her because we've all made some truly bad choice's in our personal lives. I'll be the first one to admit that. She told a good friend of mine that she wish's she would of stayed & tried to work thing's out like I asked her too. She hurt me when she left & there is no going back to her ever. I am in love with the women I am seeing now & even if she wasn't in my life & still wouldn't go back to her. MY question is should I feel bad at all for her? I can't hate anyone I've never been that type of person. While I dislike what she did I still feel bad that she's going though hell with her new BF & the regreats she is having now.
Am I being naive or just human?
Let the flamming start!
Why feel sorry for her? She let a good thing go and you've moved on. She should've thought about that before leaving you.
Correct me if I am wrong...your divorce is not finalized yet is it?
We're filing next week it's going to take about 6 months before it's final & we can go to court. There are no kids I'm SO glad about that.
Like I said in my OP there is NO going back to her. I have left relationships where I could careless how said person felt when we broke up, but I wasn't married to them nor had I spent 10 year's of my life with them either. I can pretty colder then most when I've had to but being that I did love her to marry her & spent that amount of time with her I can't just stop caring over night. I hope she find's whatever it is she's looking for in life, as I do most of my old Gf's ( except that that one she can rot in well you know! I've always believed that if someone isn't happen with me then there's the door it's not my job to make someone else happy.
Your empathy is good. However, even though you are divorced, she has apparently entered into another sexual relationship with a different man. Now its not so good, so she is (probably temporarily), crying in her beer to someone else. Someone advised that you could call her if you might want her back. Personally, I wouldn't advise considering taking her back unless she approached you, asked your forgiveness and she expressed a desire to make amends and patch things up. Why should you make the first move. She's the one who wanted the divorce.
Yet I can't hate her & to some extent I feel sorry for her because we've all made some truly bad choice's in our personal lives. I'll be the first one to admit that. She told a good friend of mine that she wish's she would of stayed & tried to work thing's out like I asked her too. She hurt me when she left & there is no going back to her ever. I am in love with the women I am seeing now & even if she wasn't in my life & still wouldn't go back to her. MY question is should I feel bad at all for her? I can't hate anyone I've never been that type of person. While I dislike what she did I still feel bad that she's going though hell with her new BF & the regreats she is having now.
We're filing next week it's going to take about 6 months before it's final & we can go to court. There are no kids I'm SO glad about that.
Like I said in my OP there is NO going back to her. I have left relationships where I could careless how said person felt when we broke up, but I wasn't married to them nor had I spent 10 year's of my life with them either. I can pretty colder then most when I've had to but being that I did love her to marry her & spent that amount of time with her I can't just stop caring over night. I hope she find's whatever it is she's looking for in life, as I do most of my old Gf's ( except that that one she can rot in well you know! I've always believed that if someone isn't happen with me then there's the door it's not my job to make someone else happy.
Yeah, but here's the problem Reed - you ARE still married.
Sure, it sounds like she made some bad, bad choices - and I'm really sorry she hurt you, but ending a marriage is very complicated and fraught with emotions you can't always anticipate.
This is why it is NEVER advisable to get involved with anyone else while you are in the throws of ending a marriage.
I know you are all lovey dovey with your new lady (or rather your "old lady" since she's a former flame), but you really should deal with your wife before you go one step further with the new love.
I can easily see how your wife might regret her actions and want to try now to work things out with you, that kind of thing happens often before a divorce is final.
Be REALLY sure you want it to be a done deal with her before you do anything else.
For instance, ask yourself this...if new lady love wasn't back in the picture, would you be willing to entertain the idea of giving your wife a second chance - BE HONEST.
Yeah, but here's the problem Reed - you ARE still married.
Sure, it sounds like she made some bad, bad choices - and I'm really sorry she hurt you, but ending a marriage is very complicated and fraught with emotions you can't always anticipate.
This is why it is NEVER advisable to get involved with anyone else while you are in the throws of ending a marriage.
I know you are all lovey dovey with your new lady (or rather your "old lady" since she's a former flame), but you really should deal with your wife before you go one step further with the new love.
I can easily see how your wife might regret her actions and want to try now to work things out with you, that kind of thing happens often before a divorce is final.
Be REALLY sure you want it to be a done deal with her before you do anything else.
For instance, ask yourself this...if new lady love wasn't back in the picture, would you be willing to entertain the idea of giving your wife a second chance - BE HONEST.
Our marriage has been over for a good while before she walked out. We lived in her hometown 2 years before we got married. Once we moved to the town where her company promoted her too, The marriage went down hill ever so slowey. Neither one of us wanted to admit it I guess we didn't want to hurt the other.I did ask her to stay & wanted to work things out by that time she was ingoring me & we were sleeping in seprate bedrooms. I wasn't the perfect husband but I did love her & treat her like a Goddess. My old flame isn't going to be her untill Feb so we have filled by then. I've been asked that question by some of my friend's about taking her back, even my mom asked that same question.
The anwser is a solid NO. During the course of our marriage She said some truly terrible thing's to me that cut me to the core. I said some thing's as well. I gave up on where I wanted to live for her & so she could further HER career During the years we were married I tried to get her to go spend them with my mom, who I haven't spent ONE holiday with her after we got married. So that NINE year's of not seeing my mom during Thanksgiving, Christmas,New Years. She blamed me for her grandfather's death because I was trying to comfort her before an out patient surgey, he dided 2 weeks later. I understand she was hurt by his death so I let it go, but it still hurt I loved her grandfather he was a good man. I can go on & on but I'll stop there is no point in going on, I'm sure you get the point. I still care about her as a human being I don't love her in any way shape or form. There are reason's why I feel I can't trust her anymore & I refuse to be with ANYONE who I feel I can't trust.
In the end there are just too many reason's why it's over for good. Whatever love I felt for her is long gone.
One last thing and maybe I didn't love her as much as I thought I did when we got married. If the women I am seeing now would of been at our wedding & held out her hand & asked me to come with her.... I would of walked away with her with no thought of my soon to be ex. That's how special this women has always been to me. Think of me what you will for saying that I understand. But the heart wants what the heart wants.
Last edited by reed067; 11-04-2011 at 06:02 PM..
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