And months later... years later... you reconciled. (girl, child, friends)

[weezerfan84]

Originally Posted by Curmudgeon

Several weeks after I joined the military in 19066 my college sweetheart sent me the proverbial "Dear John" letter. I saw her when I was home on leave before heading to my next duty station and that was the last time I saw or heard from her. For the next 40+ years I considered her "unfinished business" and occasionally wondered what became of her.

One failed marriage and a second marriage later I ran across her quite by accident on the internet researching something for one of my daughters. I e-mailed her and she responded. She was in the midst of her own divorce at the time and seemed glad to hear from me. We corresponded a bit and talked by phone once. As we got to "know" one anther again it became apparent to me that she was hungry for male attention and wanted a male shoulder to lean on. She seemed to think I was it. Even more important, our lifestyles, likes and dislikes and entire lives had diverged so far apart that had we stayed together and married it would have been a disaster.

As Thomas Wolfe wrote in his book, You Can't Go Home Again, "You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood ... back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame ... back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time – back home to the escapes of Time and Memory."

Keep in mind, there are reason a relationship failed.

For many people, reliving the past and its fond memories is better than trekking the unknown by yourself. A prime reason why people go back to exes. It's easier than getting to know someone else and try and get used to another person. At a certain point you have a routine and sometimes people just prefer to go back to people that understand their routine.

[Curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by weezerfan84

For many people, reliving the past and its fond memories is better than trekking the unknown by yourself. A prime reason why people go back to exes. It's easier than getting to know someone else and try and get used to another person. At a certain point you have a routine and sometimes people just prefer to go back to people that understand their routine.

Keep in mind that over the course of time, people change, grow, regress, etc. Compatibility is not necessarily a constant.

[weezerfan84]

Originally Posted by Curmudgeon

Keep min mind that over the course of time, people change, grow, regress, etc. Compatibility is not necessarily a constant.

I never stated that it was. I was stating that after awhile, some people get fed up with meeting new people, so they go back to what was familiar. Basically, the train wreck you know is better than the train wreck you do know.

[LowonLuck]

Originally Posted by weezerfan84

I never stated that it was. I was stating that after awhile, some people get fed up with meeting new people, so they go back to what was familiar. Basically, the train wreck you know is better than the train wreck you do know.

Nah, when you love yourself and have a healthy self esteem, train wrecks are not appealing. Past ones or future ones

[weezerfan84]

Originally Posted by LowonLuck

Nah, when you love yourself and have a healthy self esteem, train wrecks are not appealing. Past ones or future ones

Says the woman who seems to always end up in them...

[LowonLuck]

Originally Posted by weezerfan84

Says the woman who seems to always end up in them...

Right but I don't keep them in my life. I send them packing as soon as their issues are obvious. I am working on figuring out if they have issues as soon as I meet them. This has proven to be more of a challenge.

[Curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by weezerfan84

I never stated that it was. I was stating that after awhile, some people get fed up with meeting new people, so they go back to what was familiar. Basically, the train wreck you know is better than the train wreck you do know.

Why would anyone with an iota of sense knowingly walk back into a train wreck, known or otherwise? Talk about surrender and settling?

Originally Posted by LowonLuck

Right but I don't keep them in my life. I send them packing as soon as their issues are obvious. I am working on figuring out if they have issues as soon as I meet them. This has proven to be more of a challenge.

At what point does the "chase" become nothing more than a game played without commitment?

[weezerfan84]

Originally Posted by Curmudgeon

Why would anyone with an iota of sense knowingly walk back into a train wreck, known or otherwise? Talk about surrender and settling?

I'm telling you from experience that it's not as far fetched as you may think. I went back a couple of times in my mid 20s, because she was really good in bed. Even though the relationship was the closest thing I could describe to hell on earth.


Also, as I've gotten older, I've noticed more men/women giving prior ex's a second chance. Sometimes you just buy into the hope that the person has changed, or you realize that you really can live with the things they did that drove you nuts before. Sometimes you feel your options are low, so you go with the next best thing. I'm not a fan of settling, but who's to say that I may not be faced with that dilemma someday?

[JerZ]

I've really never had this work out. No matter how much time had gone by and how much had changed, we were still the same people and we still really weren't meant to be together.

[joliefrijole71]

It sounds like this could work if the couple were madly in love with each other, and during that period, unforeseen circumstances occurred (military, school obligations, employment reasons, family moving away, etc.) that broke them apart. They were forced to break up, but probably still carried the torch for that person. Sometimes the couple get to reunite, sometimes not. Sometimes both parties find a happily ever after with someone else, while others never totally move on from that first love or love of their life.

Most of us who divorced our former SO would not push the repeat button on the remote. For me, who I was then versus who I am now are different. And that's the biggest reason why I won't regress in trying to recapture something that failed the first time. I'm wiser, and stronger now.