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I habitually hold doors for people, but especially for women. For a man, I'll hold the door if his hands are full or if we're both stopped at the same door and just pausing to see who grabs it.
For a woman/for women, I'll pause myself and hold the door even if they're a few steps behind me and I have to wait just a few seconds to allow them to go through.
I'd say about 95 percent of the time I am not thanked at all. Not so much as a nod.
However, I don't stop holding doors for women. There are a bunch of selfish people out there of BOTH sexes and I cannot-Cannot-CANNOT cure them of their jerky, witchy, self-entitled attitudes.
Instead, when I hold the door for a woman and she thanks me, I actually respond "Thank YOU for saying 'thank you'. You'd be amazed how seldom anyone actually does, and it really sets you apart from the rest." I smile in appreciation when I say it, and the appreciation is genuine, sincere.
I was raised in a society that was not gentle or I guess I should say, I was raised in a family that was not gentle. Manners were not considered a "gift" but rather motivation. So in a way, it was people like my family you had to look out for.
Why don't some people say "thank you?" Because they didn't ask for anything. I say thank you all the time now but I don't use the verbal response as a way to distinguish one group from the other in a negative way. If I did that, I wouldn't make it in my local community.
I was raised in a society that was not gentle or I guess I should say, I was raised in a family that was not gentle. Manners were not considered a "gift" but rather motivation. So in a way, it was people like my family you had to look out for.
Why don't some people say "thank you?" Because they didn't ask for anything. I say thank you all the time now but I don't use the verbal response as a way to distinguish one group from the other in a negative way. If I did that, I wouldn't make it in my local community.
Watch people... listen to them, the things they say.
Technically, no -- they didn't ask for anything.
Listen to them, watch their expressions when someone doesn't hold the door for them. Not all, but enough to realize it's a factor in the psychology. It's resented.
I may be a throwback but I believe in manners, and I do what I can to stick to them. Sure, others go for the laissez-faire approach to society, and that's unavoidable. And yes, some communities are worse than others, it's true.
As I said: I don't do it because they're women; I do it because I'm a gentleman, but it doesn't mean I shouldn't encourage or openly appreciate ladylike behaviour when I encounter it.
Watch people... listen to them, the things they say.
Technically, no -- they didn't ask for anything.
Listen to them, watch their expressions when someone doesn't hold the door for them. Not all, but enough to realize it's a factor in the psychology. It's resented.
I may be a throwback but I believe in manners, and I do what I can to stick to them. Sure, others go for the laissez-faire approach to society, and that's unavoidable. And yes, some communities are worse than others, it's true.
As I said: I don't do it because they're women; I do it because I'm a gentleman, but it doesn't mean I shouldn't encourage or openly appreciate ladylike behaviour when I encounter it.
Well, you are complimenting the behavior and a person who considers manners to be gift will probably understand what is going on. They give the gift of manners, you return the gift with good manners, a compliment.
A person who considers manners to have motive may try to find the motive behind your compliment.
So now how did I learn to start using gentle manners? A mentor taught me to consider the second kind of person first and how to distinguish them so that I would not have to be afraid of people using manners. This was the knowledge I needed to get myself out of that society but not completely because there are good people without gentle manners.
From this knowledge I discovered the first kind of person. How? I had to convince myself that I could have manners without being like the second person. The resentful person. Kind of cool actually. I think that was his intention all along, for me to discover it on my own.
Indeed. And one which now bears virtually no relationship to the question which opened the thread.
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