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For example, animal charities often receive much more funding than womens' centres or children's charities.
Seems we care more about animals than people.
As has been stated, the truly hopeless and helpless do not recognize they are hopeless and helpless. They are trapped in an eternal circle until something comes along to break the circle.
This may be an epiphany, a neighbour, a friend, but until it happens, they are stuck.
As I say, if those of us who are in control take more time to understand these coimplex scenarios, then we can be that neighbour, or that friend.
If you're friend is clinically depressed, you aren't going to help them by saying "cheer up, it's not all bad". That's the polar opposite of help.
If we understand the problem, we can treat the disease, not the symptoms.
Remember, I am not talking about the average Joe who's hit some hard times, or the average C-D poster who has given up on dating, I'm talking about the extremes. The TRULY hopeless and helpless.
max's mama I am so sorry, Creme...My heart sank when I read this post. As a mom, I cannot imagine how anyone can treat a child like that.
thanks so much... but please understand, I used me as an example...actually I'm doing fine...and believe where I came from, made me the person I am today...while observing others, believe me, I'm so thankful for the blessings I've had in others...who have supported me and helped me get to where I am today...
I can't imagine it either, as I wanted a few children, however, I was blessed with one son...and that experience, well, made everything else seem trivial...he was and always will be a blessing...
I don't consentrate on what wasn't there but what is there, and the memories and what is yet to be, make it all so worthwhile.
My only problem, is I can't seem to resolve or forgive my mother. Everytime I go visit her, and I don't go there a lot...but she will never be able to allow me happiness....she is always cutting me down...I can't imagine what a horrible childhood she had...and she did, but she is now extremely narcississtic...not enjoyable to be around or even talk to on the phone, and I stay away...people ask me why I go back...it's not because, I long for a relationship with her...it will never be....but I feel sorry for her...and leave when she gets verbally abusive. And it sickens me to sit there and hear her talking, b/c she is so off the wall...so, lost, so completely irrational...maybe my fear comes back of being like her....I just wish I could get over it, b/c there are times I fight back, and I know it's wrong...my son told me once, it's so difficult to be around her....she has no friends...she is contradictive, the stories change...what is so hard to forgive is how nasty she was to my step-father who was a good man, while he was dying from cancer. Awful women!
In a nutshell folks---this is something explained and discussed fully by Dr. Laura Schlessinger every day as the main problem with women today. It's all about them and their needs. Sad.
I am a great woman just hoping to meet a man who I can love and please, who I can make happy, who can bring an equal amount of joy to my life.
Wake up ladies. It is NOT all about you and your perspectives!
Better figure that out sooner rather than later.
For example, animal charities often receive much more funding than womens' centres or children's charities.
Seems we care more about animals than people.
As has been stated, the truly hopeless and helpless do not recognize they are hopeless and helpless. They are trapped in an eternal circle until something comes along to break the circle.
This may be an epiphany, a neighbour, a friend, but until it happens, they are stuck.
As I say, if those of us who are in control take more time to understand these coimplex scenarios, then we can be that neighbour, or that friend.
If you're friend is clinically depressed, you aren't going to help them by saying "cheer up, it's not all bad". That's the polar opposite of help.
If we understand the problem, we can treat the disease, not the symptoms.
Remember, I am not talking about the average Joe who's hit some hard times, or the average C-D poster who has given up on dating, I'm talking about the extremes. The TRULY hopeless and helpless.
Wish I could rep you again.
I often find that the people who think it's as cut and dry as just picking up and leaving have never been faced with the sort of adversity that comes from a lifetime of abuse, repression, and often times depression. There are so many variables to people's hardships. While the message of "control your life and do something about it" is all well and good for someone who lost their home in a fire or got fired from their job, it doesn't apply so neatly and ideally to everyone.
Especially those who have been victims since day one, they are caught up in a vicious cycle and often don't even know or believe they have options. Some of them are so paralyzed with fear they don't dare explore those options. Not everyone is cut from the same cloth, we're not all equipped to cope with challenges in the same manner, and until you've walked a mile in some of these people's shoes (which is nearly impossible in many cases) you have no idea what sort of demons they are struggling with regardless of that guy you knew who went through something bad and made something good of his life.
Take a bear that has been raised in the zoo all it's life and let him loose into the forest. Odds are he'd die since he's been conditioned all his life to depend on others and just doesn't have the survival skills to live in that environment. He may have some degree of instincts, but probably not enough to adapt and survive.
I grew up in a very volatile and sometimes violent world. I've seen couples in these situations. Women married to men who would kill them if they try to leave. Or where shelters are sometimes more dangerous than staying in an emotionally abusive home. Not having the luxury of friends or family who can take them in or having the strength to pull your kids out of school (often their only sanctuary from the hardships of home that they've adapted to) and start over in some one room shelter living in hiding with no job skills to go out in the world. Maybe in white-picket-fence Suburbia it's a little more ideal to reach out and get help, but in the inner cities there are a different set of challenges to deal with especially when kids are involved.
While I don't believe in laying down and dying because your life sucks, I do understand how people can get pinned down by fear, lack of options, or worst of all, acceptance. They accepted their life the way it is because that is all they've known.
While I don't believe in laying down and dying because your life sucks, I do understand how people can get pinned down by fear, lack of options, or worst of all, acceptance. They accepted their life the way it is because that is all they've known.
Coming from an abusive relationship I understand all too well how paralysing it can be. It takes something to almost "click" in your brain for you to decide enough is enough and make the changes you need to make to escape the vicious cycle. I believe some people can never change and some people can. The right set of circumstances can leave people so damaged that they will never have the insight nor the wherewithal to dig themselves out of their hell.
I consider myself lucky in many respects because I had a way out.
For example, animal charities often receive much more funding than womens' centres or children's charities.
Seems we care more about animals than people.
As has been stated, the truly hopeless and helpless do not recognize they are hopeless and helpless. They are trapped in an eternal circle until something comes along to break the circle.
This may be an epiphany, a neighbour, a friend, but until it happens, they are stuck.
As I say, if those of us who are in control take more time to understand these coimplex scenarios, then we can be that neighbour, or that friend.
If you're friend is clinically depressed, you aren't going to help them by saying "cheer up, it's not all bad". That's the polar opposite of help.
If we understand the problem, we can treat the disease, not the symptoms.
Remember, I am not talking about the average Joe who's hit some hard times, or the average C-D poster who has given up on dating, I'm talking about the extremes. The TRULY hopeless and helpless.
Well, the rest of us pretty much are. But you're determined to make this thread about you. Look, I'm really sorry that there are people who are in this situation. But, in the end, despite the huge number of organizations out there (And the comment about animal-related charities is a bit of a straw man argument), it takes the person so afflicted to stand up, take an objective look at one's life, and take possession of it. And no number of leaflets, public service announcements, or social workers are going to help matters.
Coming from an abusive relationship I understand all too well how paralysing it can be. It takes something to almost "click" in your brain for you to decide enough is enough and make the changes you need to make to escape the vicious cycle. I believe some people can never change and some people can. The right set of circumstances can leave people so damaged that they will never have the insight nor the wherewithal to dig themselves out of their hell.
I consider myself lucky in many respects because I had a way out.
a dear friend used to say....some of us kick the habit of being attracted to bad boys early on in high school, and marry good men, while others, are attracted to them for life...I'm not a lifer....LOL and yeah, your right, great post! Thank you
I think the victim mentality is just a case of poor problem solving skills and pessimistic views. EVERY problem has a solution. It is just up to you to figure it out.
I really like this dude and what he has to say about giving up on trying:
I don't care if you had a hard life, hard times or health problems. Everyone deals with these things. It just changes the way you have to approach your life. You can't follow the canned easy formula. You have to figure out your own personal way to a better tomorrow.
I fail to see how I am making the thread all about me ?
While I have indicated I have suffered at stages in my life, I have given scant details about them. I am not trying to appeal for sympathy, nor craving attention.
I have learned from my experiences and use them in a positive way to help others. I have stepped up and taken control of my life, and I now try to help others to do the same thing.
Indeed, many others on the thread have given much more detail about their situations than me, but do we see you accusing them of making the thread all about them ?
I have used a mix of experience from my life, and others I have known and helped, to create hypothetical scenarios to help people understand my point
You and myself are having a bit of a debate, since we are coming at the discusiion from a different angle.
We are both raising points, and using examles to illustrate.
Nobody is getting heated, and so far as I'm concerned, both of us are raising good points. The casual reader can decide for themselves who they think is correct. I'd imagine this would depend on life circumstances.
Therefore, if I'm making this thread all about me, then you are equally attempting to make it all about you.
So far as your straw man point, you may be correct, but without extensive budgets, it is impossible for these agencies to advertise, or to gain publicity.
The more that people are aware of them, then in theory, the more people will turn to them.
I;m sure we could all list some animal charities, or some children's ones, but how many organisations can we list (without googling) which work with depression ?
As I said in my previous posts, You want the person to stand up and take control and seek help, but how can they do that if they do not know help is available, or do not know where to go to get it ?
If you were to be diagnosed with a terrible illness tomorrow, would you automatically know where to turn for help ?
Especially after you've slipped into depression and despair and think there's no way out.
How mnay HIV charities can you name off the top of your head ?
lets not forget than HIV isn't a choice, people DO catch it by accident.
All I ask you to do is to remember that is is impossible to "stand up and take an objective look at one's life" when in certain situations. The analogy above of the animal being released into the wild is actually a pretty acccurate illustration.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Well, the rest of us pretty much are. But you're determined to make this thread about you. Look, I'm really sorry that there are people who are in this situation. But, in the end, despite the huge number of organizations out there (And the comment about animal-related charities is a bit of a straw man argument), it takes the person so afflicted to stand up, take an objective look at one's life, and take possession of it. And no number of leaflets, public service announcements, or social workers are going to help matters.
Last edited by bobman; 11-15-2011 at 09:02 AM..
Reason: spelling
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but please understand, I used me as an example...actually I'm doing fine...and believe where I came from, made me the person I am today...while observing others, believe me, I'm so thankful for the blessings I've had in others...who have supported me and helped me get to where I am today...
