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control is an illusion.
but all the things u said are true.
i just say it a bit different.
own your own stuff, set proper boundaries and do proper self care. i am powerless over others, i can only work on my own defects of character.
So bobman is arguing and trying to skew things, but you repeating yourself 9 times is what? Slap your head all you like, you are either trying to bludgeon us to death with repitition or you're just so stubborn and determined to prove that you are right, that you fail to acknowledge there is no one size fits all solution for the entire human race.
No one here is talking about coddling. We're simply trying to get some of you to understand that there isn't a black and white solution to all problems. You DON'T always make your own luck, and just because one person survived a horrible tragedy doesn't mean everyone can.
The world is not black and white, there are plenty of shades of gray, believe me I know that, and I do not believe in "one size fits all solutions".
In her first post moonsavvy said it best...
"Your happiness depends on your ability to take ownership of your life."
That's it in a nutshell.
No one is saying ALL people will be able to do this.
In fact, we know not all will.
But all should know, or hear from others who do know, that this is the key to happiness.
I often find that the people who think it's as cut and dry as just picking up and leaving have never been faced with the sort of adversity that comes from a lifetime of abuse, repression, and often times depression. There are so many variables to people's hardships. While the message of "control your life and do something about it" is all well and good for someone who lost their home in a fire or got fired from their job, it doesn't apply so neatly and ideally to everyone.
Especially those who have been victims since day one, they are caught up in a vicious cycle and often don't even know or believe they have options. Some of them are so paralyzed with fear they don't dare explore those options. Not everyone is cut from the same cloth, we're not all equipped to cope with challenges in the same manner, and until you've walked a mile in some of these people's shoes (which is nearly impossible in many cases) you have no idea what sort of demons they are struggling with regardless of that guy you knew who went through something bad and made something good of his life.
Take a bear that has been raised in the zoo all it's life and let him loose into the forest. Odds are he'd die since he's been conditioned all his life to depend on others and just doesn't have the survival skills to live in that environment. He may have some degree of instincts, but probably not enough to adapt and survive.
I grew up in a very volatile and sometimes violent world. I've seen couples in these situations. Women married to men who would kill them if they try to leave. Or where shelters are sometimes more dangerous than staying in an emotionally abusive home. Not having the luxury of friends or family who can take them in or having the strength to pull your kids out of school (often their only sanctuary from the hardships of home that they've adapted to) and start over in some one room shelter living in hiding with no job skills to go out in the world. Maybe in white-picket-fence Suburbia it's a little more ideal to reach out and get help, but in the inner cities there are a different set of challenges to deal with especially when kids are involved.
While I don't believe in laying down and dying because your life sucks, I do understand how people can get pinned down by fear, lack of options, or worst of all, acceptance. They accepted their life the way it is because that is all they've known.
Your insights, along with bobman's are so filled with compassion & empathy, I really am inspired. I understand what the OP is saying, but I personally know people who have overcome things that would have made others quit. And the fact is is that it's a cold world out there. When quite a few people I know needed help, they didn't get it- they got a lot of red tape, & had to get through on their own. So for anyone to say (who hasn't survived anything major in their lives yet) that people are in control--I say you just haven't had your turn yet facing insurmountable odds & you should be grateful for that.
Yes I just want everyone to find what I have found. I would give it to people if I could, but alas I cannot. My hope then is to teach it. What people do with the information is up to them.
The following is for those who do not know we have choices in our lives but want to change and don't know how.
Fill the space you are in, then you can grow to the next level. Evolution doesn't happen over night. When you transmute your thoughts, miracles happen. If you keep your same thought patterns, you will continue to get the same results.
You will not be able to change your life immediately but you can change your life one thought at a time. Pay attention to your thoughts, if they are negative become aware of them, catch yourself thinking an unproductive thought. Then you can give yourself permission to think another thought. You will find that many of your thoughts are repeated over and over again unconsciously. Some examples of stuck thoughts would be
"Nothing ever works out for me" "What a moron" "I can't do anything right" "If only that person would change" "If only I were younger" "No one listens to me" "This will never work" "They don't know what they're talking about" "They think they're so perfect" "Life is a constant struggle" "They make me so mad" "My life will never change"
Catch your thoughts and be aware of them. That's the first step.
Yes I just want everyone to find what I have found. I would give it to people if I could, but alas I cannot. My hope then is to teach it. What people do with the information is up to them.
The following is for those who do not know we have choices in our lives but want to change and don't know how.
Fill the space you are in, then you can grow to the next level. Evolution doesn't happen over night. When you transmute your thoughts, miracles happen. If you keep your same thought patterns, you will continue to get the same results.
You will not be able to change your life immediately but you can change your life one thought at a time. Pay attention to your thoughts, if they are negative become aware of them, catch yourself thinking an unproductive thought. Then you can give yourself permission to think another thought. You will find that many of your thoughts are repeated over and over again unconsciously. Some examples of stuck thoughts would be
"Nothing ever works out for me" "What a moron" "I can't do anything right" "If only that person would change" "If only I were younger" "No one listens to me" "This will never work" "They don't know what they're talking about" "They think they're so perfect" "Life is a constant struggle" "They make me so mad" "My life will never change"
Catch your thoughts and be aware of them. That's the first step.
That is very good help.
There was an idea I read once that I think is along the same lines.
It goes something like this:
Time on the path is no less valuable than time after arrival.
So while I might have a goal for myself or even for my family, it doesn't have to happen right now. I just have to make sure that what I am doing right now will get me to that goal but I can have fun and be happy along the way. Funny thing is that I dropped many goals simply because they were no longer that important.
There was an idea I read once that I think is along the same lines.
It goes something like this:
Time on the path is no less valuable than time after arrival.
So while I might have a goal for myself or even for my family, it doesn't have to happen right now. I just have to make sure that what I am doing right now will get me to that goal but I can have fun and be happy along the way. Funny thing is that I dropped many goals simply because they were no longer that important.
So true, I have done that as well. Also some goals don't seem nearly that exciting once you actually achieve them!
The more I live the more I believe that life is about the journey, not the destination. Although we do need to have a sense of direction like you were saying so that we don't get bumped around carelessly.
Another powerful tool in taking control of one's life is starting a gratitude journal. List 5 things daily that you are grateful for and the negativity seems to melt away. The less negativity you have in your life, the more powerful you become.
Yes I just want everyone to find what I have found. I would give it to people if I could, but alas I cannot. My hope then is to teach it. What people do with the information is up to them.
The following is for those who do not know we have choices in our lives but want to change and don't know how.
Fill the space you are in, then you can grow to the next level. Evolution doesn't happen over night. When you transmute your thoughts, miracles happen. If you keep your same thought patterns, you will continue to get the same results.
You will not be able to change your life immediately but you can change your life one thought at a time. Pay attention to your thoughts, if they are negative become aware of them, catch yourself thinking an unproductive thought. Then you can give yourself permission to think another thought. You will find that many of your thoughts are repeated over and over again unconsciously. Some examples of stuck thoughts would be
"Nothing ever works out for me" "What a moron" "I can't do anything right" "If only that person would change" "If only I were younger" "No one listens to me" "This will never work" "They don't know what they're talking about" "They think they're so perfect" "Life is a constant struggle" "They make me so mad" "My life will never change"
Catch your thoughts and be aware of them. That's the first step.
I think you should write a book, seriously!!!! It would help tons of people....even if you self publish....get it out there in writing...this is good stuff....and hugely important for those who do not know how to go about it!!!!!! You, my friend, give me hope....hope for others who don't know how to get out from those "chains that bind".
This is why I'm single!! It's by CHOICE. I sit here and see my friends in horrible relationships and they sit there and take/deal with it. I will not. Plain and simple. I'd rather be alone on a Sat night with my cat then on a date with a douchebag who is going to start a fight over the fact I didn't leave him any of my steak to eat or wants to punch every guy who is looking at me.
feel the very same way as you do...our society has not progressed, it's actually regressed, and we have ourselves to blame, period...
we've lost a desire for intellectual skills, we've lost a hunger for knowledge...
instead of educating ourselves on these matters, we've ignored them, and unfortunately, people are not getting any smarter.
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