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However, I don't understand romance at all. It is completely alien to me. All I know is that it is somehow tied in with sex drive/attraction. This drive seems to make people want to "use" others for their own ends, even if it in what appears to be a caring relationship. They still want their "use" out of you. They feel entitled to it. I have even read where people divorce specifically over that issue. I can't help but see it as being an incredibly selfish motive to relegate me to a potential sexual mechanic instead of a good friend. It's incredibly disheartening. I know it sounds insignificant to you, but this makes me feel like they have no respect for me.
There is no expectation for friendship. No selfish motives, no using each other for pleasure, and no abandoning the other over purely physical issues. I can't fathom why people act like that and it seems so cruel to me. People that make these overtures are subject to these desires and I cannot dismiss the selfishness of said desires. I don't want to be used like that and I don't understand why a person would willingly discard the mutually reciprocal and honest friendship that I would offer.
I am sad for you that you don't understand romance, and therefore perceive a woman's interest in you as "potential sexual mechanic". That perception is awful. Romance is a wonderful thing, there are a million facets to it beyond sex, and people seeking it aren't simply trying to "use" others for their own benefit. I think the majority of people seek a partnership that will be mutually beneficial to both, for a more fulfilling life together.
I am sad for you that you don't understand romance, and therefore perceive a woman's interest in you as "potential sexual mechanic". That perception is awful. Romance is a wonderful thing, there are a million facets to it beyond sex, and people seeking it aren't simply trying to "use" others for their own benefit. I think the majority of people seek a partnership that will be mutually beneficial to both, for a more fulfilling life together.
I have friends that are couples and I do see positive aspects to it as you described. However, if people really do care about each other as you say, why do they divorce over such an insignificant activity? I have male friends whom will confidentially complain to each other that the girl they are with won't do something sexual and it makes them upset. All I can think is "I thought you liked her?" If they like each other then what is the issue? There isn't an issue, save that they aren't getting what they want.
I have also read the aven forum that was previously linked in the thread. The forum contained countless stories where people that do not seek sex at all are casually cast aside by their partner simply because they can't use them for pleasure. That forum made me feel even worse about being propositioned by a woman.
There certainly are a million facets beyond sex, but it seems to be the only thing required to nullify what should be a mutually loving relationship. How is the concept of romance so wonderful with such a gaping flaw?
I have good, close friends that I genuinely do care about. I have a prosperous career as a software analyst in a medical firm. I have my own house and car. I have a family that does care about me and vice-versa. I am pursuing a degree in English literature in my spare time. I have even been asked to be my nephew's godfather.
With all those attributes considered, I feel pretty human.
I just never understood that one facet of life. I have built a very promising, challenging, and rewarding life for myself without that type of affection. In doing so, I have never looked at it as being terribly important or critical to a full life. I enjoy my friends & family, my success, and setting out to achieve new goals.
To say that I am not a person because I have no concept of romance sounds as though my professional, personal, and scholarly accomplishments mean very little. Just from my observation I can tell that I am definitely not considered less than a person by any of my acquaintances and family.
Why do you think that I would be less than human?
It sounds to me like you built a perfect glass house for yourself and now you're afraid to juggle some rocks in fear of them breaking the glass. There is nothing wrong with your requirements for a mate and I think it's a positive thing that you know what you want. It will be difficult for you to find a person that matches your criteria but you may increase the odds if you look at the different work environments out there. Ask yourself...where can I find a girl who has no libido, is smart and perhaps could live with me? I suppose a female scientist who survived Chernobyl would suffice but on a serious note perhaps someone in the science / research field? As far as your friends producing these mindless automatons at your doorstep for your inspection..I feel bad for ya
How is the concept of romance so wonderful with such a gaping flaw?
Exactly the same as how the concept of life and living is fraught with not just one "gaping flaw" but many. Too bad that any attempt at seeking professional counseling is dependent on your coverage when countless local and funded options are available. You're quite the learner where the cop-out routines are concerned ...
This is how our species on planet earth repopulates so the species does not become extinct. Built into most humans is the desire to reproduce, raise children, and thus reseed the planet with more humans. "Romance," and "Attraction" and "Flirting" and all those illogical things are the rituals and tools our species uses to gain access to another human to (eventually) satisfy this biological urge to procreate. Even if procreation does not happen, the urge is coded within and humans will endeavor to meet that urge with all these illogical behaviors.
On your planet the species may be hatched in pods or developed by artificial intelligence or by some other source that doesn't require biological DNA coding or evolution. Consult your owner's manual for the sequence used with your kind.
Planet Earth can be a confusing place, full of illogical processes when humans are involved.
Exactly the same as how the concept of life and living is fraught with not just one "gaping flaw" but many. Too bad that any attempt at seeking professional counseling is dependent on your coverage when countless local and funded options are available. You're quite the learner where the cop-out routines are concerned ...
I thought that counselling was akin to seeing a medical doctor and fell under the same insurance. I haven't been made aware of other alternatives. Can you point me to a resource that I could use?
I just find it abhorrent that I would be pursued and potentially dismissed over a biological urge that some people can't seem to control. It feels very insulting. I know if I couldn't walk, my friends wouldn't exclude me from any activities.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lottamoxie
This is how our species on planet earth repopulates so the species does not become extinct. Built into most humans is the desire to reproduce, raise children, and thus reseed the planet with more humans. "Romance," and "Attraction" and "Flirting" and all those illogical things are the rituals and tools our species uses to gain access to another human to (eventually) satisfy this biological urge to procreate. Even if procreation does not happen, the urge is coded within and humans will endeavor to meet that urge with all these illogical behaviors.
On your planet the species may be hatched in pods or developed by artificial intelligence or by some other source that doesn't require biological DNA coding or evolution. Consult your owner's manual for the sequence used with your kind.
Planet Earth can be a confusing place, full of illogical processes when humans are involved.
You just confirmed that people use romance as a tool in order to satisfy an urge (not a need, like eating). Being used is what makes me feel like an inhuman object. I don't actually see any disagreement here.
Why do people see an issue with me objecting to being used just like you described in this post?
... Also I'm still confident that I'm a human being.
It sounds to me like you built a perfect glass house for yourself and now you're afraid to juggle some rocks in fear of them breaking the glass. There is nothing wrong with your requirements for a mate and I think it's a positive thing that you know what you want. It will be difficult for you to find a person that matches your criteria but you may increase the odds if you look at the different work environments out there. Ask yourself...where can I find a girl who has no libido, is smart and perhaps could live with me? I suppose a female scientist who survived Chernobyl would suffice but on a serious note perhaps someone in the science / research field? As far as your friends producing these mindless automatons at your doorstep for your inspection..I feel bad for ya
This^^^
OP, you made assumptions about a girl who gave you her number. Then you asked why would she give you her number even if she didn't know you. Why didn't you ask her?
Are you afraid to ask and get information? It sounds like you want a relationship in which people just "tell" without ever having to question. And I don't mean question in order to analyze but to get to know how a person ticks.
I thought that counselling was akin to seeing a medical doctor and fell under the same insurance. I haven't been made aware of other alternatives. Can you point me to a resource that I could use?
I just find it abhorrent that I would be pursued and potentially dismissed over a biological urge that some people can't seem to control. It feels very insulting. I know if I couldn't walk, my friends wouldn't exclude me from any activities.
You just confirmed that people use romance as a tool in order to satisfy an urge (not a need, like eating). Being used is what makes me feel like an inhuman object. I don't actually see any disagreement here.
Why do people see an issue with me objecting to being used just like you described in this post?
... Also I'm still confident that I'm a human being.
You're not being used unless you give permission to be used. But attractive and romance and love and relationships aren't about being used.
You're stripping everything away, discrediting all that goes into seeking and maintaining relationships, and making it about the base "need". Even though there may be a primal instinct to mate, most people don't want to be alone and are searching for someone to share their life with...not just about procreating or sex, but someone to share common interests and passions, seek joy in life together, build something lasting together.
OP, you made assumptions about a girl who gave you her number. Then you asked why would she give you her number even if she didn't know you. Why didn't you ask her?
Are you afraid to ask and get information? It sounds like you want a relationship in which people just "tell" without ever having to question. And I don't mean question in order to analyze but to get to know how a person ticks.
None of this is accurate at all.
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