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It's not him, it's you. When you give free a$$ to a man, you can't expect him to make you his girlfriend. it's too late, you have established for him your sexual cost: nothing. This will never change, all you can expect from him is to be his easy lay. It's a tough lesson to learn, but it must be learned sooner or later. Now is as good a time as any. F buddies do not become girlfriends or wives. Remember that.
Here's reality: until you get to a point in your life in which you can feel 'right' and 'whole' and 'worthwhile' with NO (that means zero) man in your life, you will continue to look externally for a man to validate your worth. That is very common and it's dangerous because it means someone else's opinion of you determines whether you are 'right' or not.
And truly, no one can do that.
This is going to sound cliche and trite but here goes anyway: this is usually linked to messages we got as small children by either or both parents or the absence of a parent. Trust me...I denied this and refused to believe it for myself for about 30 years...
But alas, tis true.
How we feel about ourselves is entirely a function of our upbringing and there is NO ONE who can fill an abyss when it's inside of us. ONLY through exploring what happened to us and working through our past history (ideally with a trained therapist or counselor) can we create the healing necessary to fill that abyss.
Some attempt to fill the abyss with alcohol, some with food, some with drugs, some with reckless behavior, some with relationships that don't work, but at the root of it all is that we are looking for something outside of ourselves to make us feel 'better.' And then we wonder why we do this and get involved with Mr./Ms. Wrong.
The way you stop sleeping with Mr. Wrong is to just stop and turn your attention instead to your own inner healing and exploration. The urge to run from uncomfortable feelings will be very strong. But no man is going to heal you. And if you don't confront whatever your issues are...with yourself...you will likely repeat behaviors that are not in your best long term interest.
Booty call, booty call...that's it, your available for what he wants, when he wants it. It's your choice, if you think that little of yourself, he will not be the last to yell...Booty Call!
Basically, was seeing this guy, first guy i slept with. He wasnt giving back what i wanted relationship wise and i realised it was mainly sex he was after and i think i had fallen pretty hard for him. So i called it off, cried a river (understatement), had quite a few arguments with him and then eventually felt okay enough in myself to start being friends with him again.
Big problem is that he lives with my very close friend. I mean, this is a friend who i would be going to see all the time if i could.
So yeah, we became friends again, he apologised for taking my virginity (lol) and then the flirting begins, and stupidly (maybe because i love the guy, or am infactuated, or whatever) i sleep with him again and then dont hear from him for days.
Which makes me feel so so worthless and empty and anxious and now i am back in the situation that i feel i cant go and see my friend as he will think i am going to see him. i text him and he didnt text back then text bk the next day sayin he fell asleep.
but the thing is we have such a laugh when we are together, and seeing as he is the only guy ive slept with it just feels normal and nice.
And i know ive made it way to easy for him, i know i am "an insulting swear word" (feel free to improvise) but i constantly let my heart rule my head. I dont have a job at the moment so not thinking about him is hard (i am actively seeking work, i absolutely despise being unemployed)
and he will be at things i go to, parties, gatherings, at my best friends house, in my life, on facebook ( i cant delete him it will cause too much hassel and make things awkward as i see him all the time)
So what can i do? i need to find happiness in myself and stop pining over this worthless guy who does not treat me how i deserve inany way shape or form. But he gets jelous about other guys, annoyingly, which always gives me a flicker of hope.
and when he doesnt have me he wants me. Ridiculous!!! i hate men!! actually i hate little boys unwaware of their emotions or those around them.
I just need some advice on what to do, i feel like my life is now back to being awkward again and i hate seeing him all the time but have no choice!!! what do you guys think?
how to i get that "will power, self worth, i dont need no man to make me happy and i definitly will not be sleeping with one who is thinking with the wrong head" kind of mind set?
Thanks for reading, appreciate it millions!!!
So you're concern is that you are good friends with his roommate and therefore this person is unavoidable. Take note, this is why people don't casually date co-workers. Just for future reference.
My advice is rise above your past encounter with this guy. Smile and say hello when you see him, but do not engage in flirty behavior or anything past small talk. Do not invite any more contact with him via facebook or text. It sounds like your feelings were hurt in a rather intense way. No need to go down this path again, right?
What has this encounter has taught you?
Don't put effort after foolishness. Learn from it but don't beat yourself up over it. Ask yourself what you are looking for in a relationship so you will have a clearer idea of who you want to attract. On to the next one. Happy Dating!
Words to live by. If you know needlepoint, make this a sampler.
There are plenty of really good guys who know how to humpalumpadingdong, and will make your eyes roll back into your head just the way Mr. Wrong does. And you'll actually enjoy having breakfast with them the next morning.
This is very true lassie smith....and if it'll help you to get over him....next time he comes around for sex (and you can bet he will)..just picture him in bed playing with another woman...you surely can't think you're the only one?? I just hope you are using protection for YOUR sake.
Basically, was seeing this guy, first guy i slept with. He wasnt giving back what i wanted relationship wise and i realised it was mainly sex he was after and i think i had fallen pretty hard for him. So i called it off, cried a river (understatement), had quite a few arguments with him and then eventually felt okay enough in myself to start being friends with him again.
Big problem is that he lives with my very close friend. I mean, this is a friend who i would be going to see all the time if i could.
So yeah, we became friends again, he apologised for taking my virginity (lol) and then the flirting begins, and stupidly (maybe because i love the guy, or am infactuated, or whatever) i sleep with him again and then dont hear from him for days.
Which makes me feel so so worthless and empty and anxious and now i am back in the situation that i feel i cant go and see my friend as he will think i am going to see him. i text him and he didnt text back then text bk the next day sayin he fell asleep.
but the thing is we have such a laugh when we are together, and seeing as he is the only guy ive slept with it just feels normal and nice.
And i know ive made it way to easy for him, i know i am "an insulting swear word" (feel free to improvise) but i constantly let my heart rule my head. I dont have a job at the moment so not thinking about him is hard (i am actively seeking work, i absolutely despise being unemployed)
and he will be at things i go to, parties, gatherings, at my best friends house, in my life, on facebook ( i cant delete him it will cause too much hassel and make things awkward as i see him all the time)
So what can i do? i need to find happiness in myself and stop pining over this worthless guy who does not treat me how i deserve inany way shape or form. But he gets jelous about other guys, annoyingly, which always gives me a flicker of hope.
and when he doesnt have me he wants me. Ridiculous!!! i hate men!! actually i hate little boys unwaware of their emotions or those around them.
I just need some advice on what to do, i feel like my life is now back to being awkward again and i hate seeing him all the time but have no choice!!! what do you guys think?
how to i get that "will power, self worth, i dont need no man to make me happy and i definitly will not be sleeping with one who is thinking with the wrong head" kind of mind set?
Thanks for reading, appreciate it millions!!!
If he is worthless just delete him off FB. Who cares if he feels awkward. He is doing it to you. Do it back. Flicker of hope? For what? That he just likes to play for the win and not for love? Forget that.
Why can't your friend come visit you?
And really if some crappy guy started that flirty stuff post crap treatment I would just strait out tell him to cut the **** cause its annoying. Its not cute, its just stupid. You don't have to stay friends with your ex's or your firsts. It just can add drama later on and you waste time one someone you know wasn't going to work out.
You should just be spending your time focusing on getting a job and defining your self worth through accomplishments and self value. Not on how stupid guys value you or not. If you felt like you were this totally awesome chick you wouldnt give two squats about that gameplayer. You would laugh in his face.
When you start dating more and liking yourself more, you will be laughing at this time period and doing this:
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