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He should probably see a doctor about this. This sounds serious, could be a tumor in his head. Check it out to be safe.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas User
At this point. This is a health issue and he should see a doctor and get treatment.
Since the OP says that he's receiving "benefits" I think one can assume that he's been medically evaluated and is receiving SSDI.
If the prognosis for whatever ails him indicates that any resolution is poor and he's unlikely to ever be employable, then obviously she's faced with a dilemma of magnitude. Since her dream of the future includes the white picket fence and the 2.1 children, she's going to have to be financially able to provide for that dream and accept a reversal of the typical roles.
The "honeymoon" phase of the relationship is over and reality is sinking in. I think that unless she's prepared to seriously contemplate a future of being the financial breadwinner, it's best to nip this in the bud. In my opinion and based also on my own experience, love doesn't conquer all.
Obviously she has a good chance of finding the person who can fulfill most of her dreams but all is certainly not lost for him. I personally have known several couples in similar circumstances who, faced with such adversity and greater, have worked together to establish an incredibly fulfilling relationship. I just don't think this is one of them.
Since the OP says that he's receiving "benefits" I think one can assume that he's been medically evaluated and is receiving SSDI.
If the prognosis for whatever ails him indicates that any resolution is poor and he's unlikely to ever be employable, then obviously she's faced with a dilemma of magnitude. Since her dream of the future includes the white picket fence and the 2.1 children, she's going to have to be financially able to provide for that dream and accept a reversal of the typical roles.
The "honeymoon" phase of the relationship is over and reality is sinking in. I think that unless she's prepared to seriously contemplate a future of being the financial breadwinner, it's best to nip this in the bud. In my opinion and based also on my own experience, love doesn't conquer all.
Obviously she has a good chance of finding the person who can fulfill most of her dreams but all is certainly not lost for him. I personally have known several couples in similar circumstances who, faced with such adversity and greater, have worked together to establish an incredibly fulfilling relationship. I just don't think this is one of them.
Do you want a partner or do you want to be a caretaker? That's the real question here.
Seems to me there should be something this guy can do to make money. Even if it's work from home.
If you stay with this guy, you are defacto, agreeing to take care of him financially. And if you should ever divorce him, you could be stuck paying for his living expenses forever if he is actually medically documented as disabled.
Just something to think about. I know a man who divorced his wife who has MS. He has to pay forever unless she remarries.
His headaches a fairly constant..Well over the last 10 months he hasnt borrowed from me so he is able to support himself. He just cant save for himself and for the future.
Blondiel...are you saying he deserves no one??? I disagree
I am not saying that he deserves no one. You say that you love him but have doubts about the kind of lifestyle you will probably have with him. It is all a matter of how you want to live and whether you want to be the financial provider forever. Love is great when it is good. There is such a thing as permanent spousal support in the event of a divorce. I am not saying that your marriage, if you marry, will end in divorce, but it happens every day.
Be cautious. You have only known him for ten months.
This isn't a question to ask of other people. Would YOU stay with a guy who was in this situation?
I know people who have made huge sacrifices for their partner's handicap. Whether you have the ability or desire to do such a thing is something that nobody here can really tell you.
Thanks for the advice..It has helped me realise a few things
To the people who are saying go to the doc to get looked at. He's had this condition for awhile, knows what it is and is doing his best to get well again. He is unwell..he talks about his symptoms and how debilitating they can be
I'm not one of those woman who's wanting everything and is looking for a man who provides everything. I'm just looking to the future to live a comfortably without living day to day.
Having said this I love him..I've never met a guy who's made me this happy. I also know he can get other woman who wouldn't mind his condition and situation.
I don't mind working hard and I wouldn't mind being the bread winner either. Whether that is enough to finance a home with his benefit money incl and live in some sort of comfort in New Zealand I will look into when the time comes
At this time I'm going to help him the best I can to get some sort of health back. That's what I really should be thinking and worried about.
No I wouldn't. Because if he can do things around the house he can find some sort of job. And what is he doing to manage these health problems? Anything? New doctors? New meds? Dietary changes? What?
My current would get migraines so bad he would puke his brains out, and black out. But he still manages to do 70+ hour work weeks these days. It took years to find the right meds to manage it but he kept trying.
Not everyone can just up and get 70 hour work weeks on demand and not everyone is down with drugs in their body to keep themselves 'functional'...
I think there is too much focus on careers and money both which can be lost in a heartbeat. If you don't mind being the bread winner then that shouldn't be a problem, the question is are you going to lose respect for him if you are the bread winner? If no, then look toward the future and a potential family.
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