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Just remember that money doesn't buy happiness. I read somewhere that when a person wins the lotto, they end up being just as sad or happy in one year, as they were before winning it. This goes to say that happiness is not about how rich you are. You can have the latest Jaguar and the most beautiful mansion, and still be miserable. Many women marry into wealth and never see their workaholic husband and are so miserable. They turn 65 and realize they have been wasting away all alone, so they start having affairs with the pool boy and any other younger guy who can make her feel wanted and just as young as she was when she got married.
If he makes you happy, then that's what's going to matter later too.
You could still have a house and a family--but you'd be the bread winner. There are a growing number of stay at home Dad's these days. If he is able to maintain a household and take care of children that's not such a bad setup--but obviously its a personal choice.
If he can't work, how is he going to run a household?
If he can't work, how is he going to run a household?
So many seem to think that being a home-maker is such an easy task and flip it out as an alternative to "work" without realizing that the job entails (often hard) physical labor, the ability to multi-task, knowledge of at least basic accounting, basic knowledge of home maintenance and repair, childcare, nursing and Lord knows how many other skills!
In fairness, it depends on the extent of his disability.
Whether he'd be capable of safely looking after children is a debatable point, when I was married, for a while, I was a homemaker to my boy and 2 stepkids, and even being in good health it ran me ragged sometimes !
But things like simple housework, basic home maintenance, budgeting etc are all things that can be stopped and started, depending on how he feels.
I think a couple of people, including myself, have asked for clarification on the condition he has, and extent of disability and respective abiliyies, the OP appears to have gone AWOL.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
If he can't work, how is he going to run a household?
Quote:
Originally Posted by STT Resident
So many seem to think that being a home-maker is such an easy task and flip it out as an alternative to "work" without realizing that the job entails (often hard) physical labor, the ability to multi-task, knowledge of at least basic accounting, basic knowledge of home maintenance and repair, childcare, nursing and Lord knows how many other skills!
For YOU perhaps, but there are many people out there that are very happy in their lives and money had everything to do with it! There are lots of people in society that get very jealous of what others have that they don't, because of lack of finances. There are couples that go to Las Vegas for a week of luxury, entertainment and fun. Do I wish wife and I had the money to stay at Caesar's Palace in a beautiful room, have nice dining, go to Shows and money to gamble with and not have to worry about how much we spend.........darn right! If we won a big lotto and could afford things that we didn't have before winning it.......we'd DEFINITELY be more happy than before we won it! We're happy right now, but having a nice fat banking acct would make a lot of folks much, much more happier!
Quote:
Originally Posted by temptation001
Just remember that money doesn't buy happiness. I read somewhere that when a person wins the lotto, they end up being just as sad or happy in one year, as they were before winning it. This goes to say that happiness is not about how rich you are. You can have the latest Jaguar and the most beautiful mansion, and still be miserable. Many women marry into wealth and never see their workaholic husband and are so miserable. They turn 65 and realize they have been wasting away all alone, so they start having affairs with the pool boy and any other younger guy who can make her feel wanted and just as young as she was when she got married.
If he makes you happy, then that's what's going to matter later too.
I think there is too much focus on careers and money both which can be lost in a heartbeat. If you don't mind being the bread winner then that shouldn't be a problem, the question is are you going to lose respect for him if you are the bread winner? If no, then look toward the future and a potential family.
I totally agree! Within the past 8 years, my salary has significantly increased due to a change in my job. When I was first married, I was a bank teller earning next to nothing. My husband made a decent salary. We married for love, not who was the bread winner. After moving to a back office position and working my butt off to advance my career, I now make more than my husband does. It doesn't matter to either of us. He arranges his work schedule to be home to pick up our child from school and he's "Mr. Mom" until I get home at night. Sometimes thinking things through too much doesn't work. Everything seems to work out and fall in to place if you really want it to
Maybe he could find a way to work from home via computer, in a way where he could work through the hours he is better and take a break when he gets dizzy spells.
He's gotta have good periods or he wouldn't be able to spend quality time with you, right?
Since the OP says that he's receiving "benefits" I think one can assume that he's been medically evaluated and is receiving SSDI.
If the prognosis for whatever ails him indicates that any resolution is poor and he's unlikely to ever be employable, then obviously she's faced with a dilemma of magnitude. Since her dream of the future includes the white picket fence and the 2.1 children, she's going to have to be financially able to provide for that dream and accept a reversal of the typical roles.
The "honeymoon" phase of the relationship is over and reality is sinking in. I think that unless she's prepared to seriously contemplate a future of being the financial breadwinner, it's best to nip this in the bud. In my opinion and based also on my own experience, love doesn't conquer all.
Obviously she has a good chance of finding the person who can fulfill most of her dreams but all is certainly not lost for him. I personally have known several couples in similar circumstances who, faced with such adversity and greater, have worked together to establish an incredibly fulfilling relationship. I just don't think this is one of them.
This.
Not everyone is cut out to be in a relationship with a disabled person, and those who don't think they can accept the realities of living with a partner's disability should be really honest about that upfront.
OP: does your boyfriend receive Social Security / SSI / etc. disability benefits? If so, is he also unable to assist or contribute financially to your household, even with these added benefits included?
OP: does your boyfriend receive Social Security / SSI / etc. disability benefits? If so, is he also unable to assist or contribute financially to your household, even with these added benefits included?
Redundant. Asked earlier and indicated even earlier by the OP. It helps sometimes to read the whole thread.
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