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Old 11-15-2011, 08:18 PM
 
5 posts, read 4,475 times
Reputation: 16

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Hi all
I met my boyfriend 10 months ago
I love him and love spending time with him but heres the thing
Hes to unwell to work because of headaches and dizzy spells. Has been for a while
He told me this early on in the relationship about his health and I seemed ok with it at the time.
But now Im starting to doubt things. Our future..my future.

Theres a chance he may never be able to work..He gets benefit money and is able to just support himself. But what about a future with him as one day I would like a house and family. Live a comfortable lifestyle.
I wont be able to do this with him as he wouldnt be able to provide much

He says he loves me and feels guilty not being able to provide. He says I deserve better.
He said he would be able to contribute around the house and do other things to help.
Hes a nice guy, good looks etc but when i think of a future with him..there would be alot of strain financially.
Would you stay with a guy who was in this situation?

Last edited by ash25; 11-15-2011 at 08:28 PM..
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Old 11-15-2011, 08:45 PM
 
Location: Manhattan
1,871 posts, read 4,258,218 times
Reputation: 2937
You could still have a house and a family--but you'd be the bread winner. There are a growing number of stay at home Dad's these days. If he is able to maintain a household and take care of children that's not such a bad setup--but obviously its a personal choice.
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Old 11-15-2011, 08:49 PM
 
2,495 posts, read 4,349,351 times
Reputation: 4935
Quote:
Originally Posted by barkomatic View Post
You could still have a house and a family--but you'd be the bread winner. There are a growing number of stay at home Dad's these days. If he is able to maintain a household and take care of children that's not such a bad setup--but obviously its a personal choice.
This...also have to mention that there is a guy at my company that has horrible migraines and dizzy spells. He was able to work out an agreement with HR so whenever he has an episode...they allow him to take time off work (most times unpaid) but as soon as he feels better...he gets put back in his department in some capacity.

OP - without knowing too much about your boyfriend...i'm sure there is something he can do....job-wise!
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Old 11-15-2011, 08:50 PM
 
37,494 posts, read 45,798,776 times
Reputation: 56996
I would probably not enter into a relationship with someone that was unable to contribute a fair share. That said, it sounds like you are looking for someone to provide for YOU. If so, then you surely have picked the wrong guy.
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Old 11-15-2011, 09:09 PM
 
1,505 posts, read 1,806,451 times
Reputation: 2748
Quote:
Originally Posted by ash25 View Post
Hi all
I met my boyfriend 10 months ago
I love him and love spending time with him but heres the thing
Hes to unwell to work because of headaches and dizzy spells. Has been for a while
He told me this early on in the relationship about his health and I seemed ok with it at the time.
But now Im starting to doubt things. Our future..my future.

Theres a chance he may never be able to work..He gets benefit money and is able to just support himself. But what about a future with him as one day I would like a house and family. Live a comfortable lifestyle.
I wont be able to do this with him as he wouldnt be able to provide much

He says he loves me and feels guilty not being able to provide. He says I deserve better.
He said he would be able to contribute around the house and do other things to help.
Hes a nice guy, good looks etc but when i think of a future with him..there would be alot of strain financially.
Would you stay with a guy who was in this situation?
He is right. You do deserve better.
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Old 11-15-2011, 09:17 PM
 
5 posts, read 4,475 times
Reputation: 16
His headaches a fairly constant..Well over the last 10 months he hasnt borrowed from me so he is able to support himself. He just cant save for himself and for the future.
Blondiel...are you saying he deserves no one??? I disagree
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Old 11-15-2011, 09:22 PM
 
Location: Louisiana
494 posts, read 1,607,609 times
Reputation: 434
Maybe it's cause it was instilled in me by my parents that it doesn't matter if you are male or female, but you should never have to solely rely on someone else to take care of you, because if something happens to them or they meet some adversity, you are left to your own devices w/o any support. In other words, you should not be asking "how does his adversity effect my future", instead you should be asking, "how do I change my future"? Really it drives me nuts.


Sorry if I'm harsh to the OP, but you got to take means into your own hands if you want to get through this rough patch with him. All you can do.
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Old 11-15-2011, 09:44 PM
 
5 posts, read 4,475 times
Reputation: 16
South seeker
Its not harsh and I do agree. I should be doing things for me and I am a independent person. Just would be nice for example of doing things together... if buying a house for example.. to contribute a fair share. But in saying that in every relationship there is always going to be a differnt level of contribution. Maybe I should be thinking of buying for myself and he contributes in a rent type way
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Old 11-15-2011, 10:30 PM
 
Location: New York, NY
650 posts, read 1,808,985 times
Reputation: 621
He should probably see a doctor about this. This sounds serious, could be a tumor in his head. Check it out to be safe.
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Old 11-15-2011, 10:35 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,976,957 times
Reputation: 9417
Quote:
Originally Posted by ash25 View Post
Hi all
I met my boyfriend 10 months ago
I love him and love spending time with him but heres the thing
Hes to unwell to work because of headaches and dizzy spells. Has been for a while
He told me this early on in the relationship about his health and I seemed ok with it at the time.
But now Im starting to doubt things. Our future..my future.

Theres a chance he may never be able to work..He gets benefit money and is able to just support himself. But what about a future with him as one day I would like a house and family. Live a comfortable lifestyle.
I wont be able to do this with him as he wouldnt be able to provide much

He says he loves me and feels guilty not being able to provide. He says I deserve better.
He said he would be able to contribute around the house and do other things to help.
Hes a nice guy, good looks etc but when i think of a future with him..there would be alot of strain financially.
Would you stay with a guy who was in this situation?
Only if I was hopelessly in love with him. If I had to [go on a message board and] ask--no offense--I'd assume no.
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