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Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,309 posts, read 38,776,945 times
Reputation: 7185
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JayBrown80
If the OP would have said "I am dissappointed he is gay, I don't understand that lifestyle", then she would not have gotten the angry responses she got.
If you read her account, she went far overboard.
As far as your comment about the safety of sex work.....most 20 year olds are having a lot of sex anyway. Whether or not they get paid for it doesn't really factor into safety. Wearing condoms does. The OP said her nephew practices safe sex. Believe me, a 20 year old gay kid that is good looking enough to be in porn is going to have no shortage of sexual partners. Whether or not you think that is a good thing or not depends on your individual comfort with sexual liberation. Either way, condoms are what keep you safe.
And most "porn stars" are not in the buisness for more than a few years anway. Most of the porn stars I have met (not a huge amount, but about half a dozen) are all college kids trying to pay tuition. There were several stories in the news on this subject just a few months ago where college kids are turning to sex work in order to make ends meet in a bad economy. My straight friend gets paid $3000 to film one Saturday a month....That's not a bad job. Now, when he goes to apply for work after he graduates, then yes, being a paid sex worker might look bad on a resume....but tons of people are doing it, both gay and straight. Shooting porn is not done in some gritty warehouse where the director might or might not kill and eat you after the scene is done. Most porn scenes are shot in nice rented homes, in nice neighborhoods, with multiple people on the set so that you know someone can't just overpower you and try to hurt you because there are too many people around to stop him. It's not "answer a craigslist ad, go to a seedy motel, and get stabbed".
Now, I have never chosen to allow myself to be filmed having sex, even though the money seemed good, b/c I don't want to share that aspect of myself with strangers. You can just call me a prude. But I don't begrudge the people who choose to do that. That's their body, and their buisness.
I'm with you up to "she went far overboard."
After that, I think we're having some communication breakdown. You're still describing someone who is presenting with some very serious personal and social dysfunction, judgement and self-esteem issues. Physical health and disease is certainly a component of what I posted, but that wasn't really my focus. Participating in porn says a lot about who a person really is with regard to their mental health. They may hide it and be all smiles and "Everyone else is stupid for not taking the money", but that's a farce. It's a sick business populated by sick people and participation can't be undone. It would be crazy not to have a strong negative reaction to a child making those choices.
Location: England, somewhere, maybe the moon actually
41 posts, read 47,024 times
Reputation: 61
I think we need to get this into perspective.
Personally I'd be more shocked / concerned about the gay porn.....especially if he insited he was straight.
Now he has admitted he is gay and your whole family is going nuts about it.
Um correct me if I am wrong but doing gay porn when not gay would be the worst thing possible. But then that wouldn't happen would it
His choices are his choices whether your family like it or not. Either accept him for who he is and the choices he makes (this doesn't mean you have to agree with it, just accept it and move on with being a family again) or you could not ever accept it, continue to carry on the way you are or just move on an forget about him.
Personally if you want to bring the family back together I would advise you all just accept it, let him make his choices and be happy and discuss with him that your happy he is happy but you still don't like it and don't want your faces rubbed in it. People can be discreet and still have a loving family and support.
He didn't singlehandedly tear his family apart, his family tore themselves apart by allowing their insecurities to hijack their common sense, thus willfully compromising their love for their own flesh and blood. To top it all off, no one in your family, not even yourself, wants to accept any degree of responsibility for the way this situation has deteriorated, and the fact that you lay all family-tearing blame at his feet (as shown by the thread title, ie, "nephew tearing family apart". ) is indicative of this. If you don't have the courage to call that homophobia, fine, that's another issue to work out, but it's shortsightedness at the very least.
I can't offer a magic wand solution to "repair" your family, but I can offer a bit of sage advice; do some serious soul-searching and acknowledge any character faults within yourself, try to get your family members to do the same, and once that's happened, then meet with your nephew and try to see what the next step should be.
If that can't happen, cut your losses and consider the young man a memory.
You really don't understand the porn industry. There is an emotional disconnect in most cases. You ever wonder why you hardly ever see a kissing scene? They don't share your same set of values. Jay Brown was dead on in his assessment. A few years back I met a guy that did gay porn and he was married to a drop dead gorgeous girl I used to go to HS with. Gay porn pays considerably more $$$. And as JB said, not all gay porn involves anal sex. There are MANY different strokes for many different folks. If you can imagine it, trust me, there is a market for it.
I realize there is a market for things I don't want to think about. I still don't understand the allure of gay pornography for happily married heterosexual men. Why even consider it if you have a drop-dead gorgoues wife at your side? And does the wife ever find out about the second job as gay porn actor? Or is the georgeous wife just a gay beard for these men and their secret, desperate lives?
After that, I think we're having some communication breakdown. You're still describing someone who is presenting with some very serious personal and social dysfunction, judgement and self-esteem issues. Physical health and disease is certainly a component of what I posted, but that wasn't really my focus. Participating in porn says a lot about who a person really is with regard to their mental health. They may hide it and be all smiles and "Everyone else is stupid for not taking the money", but that's a farce. It's a sick business populated by sick people and participation can't be undone. It would be crazy not to have a strong negative reaction to a child making those choices.
Then you agree the OP is crazy. Because neither her nor her family had a problem with him being in porn.
They got crazy a year later when he admitted to being gay. They went on hunger strikes and pouted in bed for days and disowned him. Not for being in porn, for being gay.
Your opinions on the conditions associated with porn, and the people who participate in it are well known now. As are mine. So there is no reason for us to argue that.
I don't know why you keep on defending the OPs reaction to the porn though...because according to her, that was something they were living with just fine. It was the nephew being gay that caused the hysterics.
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,309 posts, read 38,776,945 times
Reputation: 7185
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayBrown80
Then you agree the OP is crazy. Because neither her nor her family had a problem with him being in porn.
They got crazy a year later when he admitted to being gay. They went on hunger strikes and pouted in bed for days and disowned him. Not for being in porn, for being gay.
Your opinions on the conditions associated with porn, and the people who participate in it are well known now. As are mine. So there is no reason for us to argue that.
I don't know why you keep on defending the OPs reaction to the porn though...because according to her, that was something they were living with just fine. It was the nephew being gay that caused the hysterics.
I never said the OP wasn't crazy. I said there are a lot of people posting in this thread that are full of it.
I realize there is a market for things I don't want to think about. I still don't understand the allure of gay pornography for happily married heterosexual men. Why even consider it if you have a drop-dead gorgoues wife at your side? And does the wife ever find out about the second job as gay porn actor? Or is the georgeous wife just a gay beard for these men and their secret, desperate lives?
From what I understand, sometimes the wife is on set to help her husband "get ready" for his scenes. It's being Gay for Pay, it's not about the porn actor having a satisfying sexual experience.
I realize there is a market for things I don't want to think about. I still don't understand the allure of gay pornography for happily married heterosexual men. Why even consider it if you have a drop-dead gorgoues wife at your side? And does the wife ever find out about the second job as gay porn actor? Or is the georgeous wife just a gay beard for these men and their secret, desperate lives?
A lot of people get up everyday and go to jobs that they are not super excited by in order to get a paycheck and bring it home to their gorgeous wives. Often, it is very hard to get the gorgeous wife if you are not gainfully employed. This doesn't need to be explained to you, if you can't conceptualize it because gay sex creeps you out, then don't bother trying. Just take our word for it.
The problem is, you are trying to imagine YOURSELF in this situation. Stop doing that. Not everyone is like you. If you can't chalk it up to "different strokes for different folks" then I don't know what to tell you.
I don't understand why someone would pay $600,000 dollars for a tiny apartment in New York City. I would never do that. But I fully realize some people do. You see....I can understand that some people have different interests than me. This is now your 4th post saying you don't get why a straight man would do gay porn. Just let it go dude, it's not something you will ever understand...or you are purposely misunderstanding because you want us all to realize how 100% straight you are. You love vagina. Nothing could tear you away from Vagina. Okay, we get it.
I never said the OP wasn't crazy. I said there are a lot of people posting in this thread that are full of it.
In YOUR opinion because you have such a negative view of the porn industry.
Others don't.
You have stated your opinion on the porn industry. Other have done the same. We disagree with each other slightly on whether or not it is a moral action to take. Since you have been clear on your feelings, I don't understand why you keep reiterating them.
You feel that it is normal to be horrified at finding out someone is in porn. Others don't feel that way. Let's move on?
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