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Old 11-20-2011, 01:41 PM
 
Location: New York, NY
650 posts, read 1,670,862 times
Reputation: 620

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The fact that you visit pornsites is a good indication that you're not against being with someone. Why else would you watch porn unless you're a normal guy with normal urges? Answer honestly, are you just afraid to meet someone at your age because of your inexperience?

Like the movie 40 year old virgin, you should try speed dating. Having a house, 2 cars, a job, is already great criteria to meet women. Especially women your age who are looking to settle down. Seriously, give it some thought.
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Old 11-20-2011, 01:50 PM
 
11,868 posts, read 15,394,054 times
Reputation: 20017
I think it bothers you that you are not bothered by it.

If you're happy living alone and dying alone, why would you care if you are a "freak specimen"?

Do whatever you want to do and hope that you don't look back one day and regret not trying.
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Old 11-20-2011, 02:20 PM
 
Location: Terra
208 posts, read 547,021 times
Reputation: 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
I think it bothers you that you are not bothered by it.

If you're happy living alone and dying alone, why would you care if you are a "freak specimen"?

Do whatever you want to do and hope that you don't look back one day and regret not trying.
^ I agree with this. If you're not bothered by your current situation, why would you be asking whether it is normal?

Additionally, I'm going to venture a guess that you live in the Western hemisphere. There is certainly a degree of social and peer pressure to not be a virgin (sexual or relationship-wise) after one reaches a certain age. However, in many other parts of the world, it's not so uncommon for a guy to be a relative relationship/sexual novice beyond the age of 30. I don't think you're so "alone" in this.

So, if you're truly ok with your current situation, and you're not hurting anyone, who's to tell you that you're a freak? But if somehow you're not ok with your current situation, then it's time to change it.
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Old 11-20-2011, 02:47 PM
 
4,796 posts, read 7,033,690 times
Reputation: 5585
What are you saving it for and if you don't use it you could lose it. How long do you expect to live? I will say this. dealing with relationships can be difficult but the good usually out weighs the bad. Of course that's if you can walk away financially intact. Anyway jobs come and go but we only get one go around in this lifetime go out and have some fun within limits.

Take is slow because you have 35 years of anticipation backed up in you.. Once you turn on that faucet there's no going back. Once you do it your going to want to do it again, and again and again as much as you can. Think about it wars have been started over the love of a woman.. There's power in the ________... Just respect it..
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Old 11-20-2011, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Harrisonburg, VA
994 posts, read 1,546,962 times
Reputation: 1207
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virijat View Post
Hi all, I've been following these boards for some time know.

Like the title says, I'm a 35 year old guy and I'm still a virgin. I never kissed a woman before as well and certainly never had a girlfriend.

Throughout my teens and university years I was always too focused on my studies because I had a hard time getting my degree. My social life suffered a lot thanks fo this, but I would got out once in a while, had my fair share of booze but my contacts with women were always very shallow. A nice chat and a few smiles at most.

Most of my friends at the time were going through so many rough things with their girlfriends that I thought it was better to stay away from the whole scenario.

Apart from this, I never saw myself as good looking and I'm prety much average on the rest: intelligence, personality etc. If any woman ever had an interest in me she certainly never showed it.

After university came work and the first years were pure madness, I worked like 11 hours a day. I used to put extra hours for others because 'I was young and single', so I had time.

I'm 35 now and I'm pretty much settled in my life. I have my own house, two cars and go abroad as much as possible. I usually come home tired at the end of the day, I have a rough play with my dog, try some stuff from Nigella Lawson's books or simply go to sleep if I feel like to.

And I keep being the best man at a number of weddings. At weekends, since I don't have many single friends left, there's not much of a social life. I usually put my time into the book I'm writing.

I'd like to have children but when I think better I would be an awful father and I couldn't bring someone to suffer in this world. I don't want to be like my father, who had major anger issues (I've inherited that unfortunately) and should have never got married or had children. Only my mother knows what she went through with him.

Unless I lose my job, my life path is very much defined. Is it normal NOT to bother about this? Am I a freak specimen?
Unlike the other posters, I see nothing wrong with this. If this makes you happy then be as happy as you can be Perhaps you can start a relationship with porn
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Old 11-20-2011, 03:08 PM
 
842 posts, read 1,172,009 times
Reputation: 711
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
If I were referring to being sad about no grandchildren from a son like you, then that would be making it about myself

No, I'd be sad for any son of mine who was so hurt and fearful of intimacy that he would convince himself he'd rather be alone just to avoid dealing with his fear.

I'd be sad that he wasn't willing to live his life to the fullest and seek help from a competent therapist who would help him overcome his issues and go on to a happier life.

I'd be sad that he had missed out on the love of a good, faithful and supportive spouse.

Someone to be there in good times and bad.

Someone to share his hopes and dreams with, live out his greatest desires and wishes with.

Someone who cared when he hurt or just had a bad day.

Someone to laugh with and cuddle with in the middle of the night.

Someone to have his back when the rest of the world turned its back on him.

Someone who would add value and meaning to his life by sharing theirs with him.

Someone to care more for than he cares about himself and who stretches him to be the best man he could possibly be.

Someone to hold his hand on his deathbed and whisper words of love as he leaves this earth.

If my son's didn't have all that and more, then I didn't do my job.

And yes, I'd be very sad for them.
The problem is, you're forgetting the drawbacks. Not everyone feels fantastic everyday and available to support other people. People have moods and resentments.

I remember when one of my parents had a bad day the other always managed to make it worse.

At least I'm sure nobody is being unhappy because of me or vice-versa. My dog is a rather good companion and doesn't complain.
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Old 11-20-2011, 03:14 PM
 
842 posts, read 1,172,009 times
Reputation: 711
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nudetypist View Post
Answer honestly, are you just afraid to meet someone at your age because of your inexperience?
I can't answer that when I haven't tried it but I can imagine my inexperience would make it impossible to work something out with a woman. Most 15 year old teens have more experience than me these days.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mllex View Post
^ I agree with this. If you're not bothered by your current situation, why would you be asking whether it is normal?

Additionally, I'm going to venture a guess that you live in the Western hemisphere. There is certainly a degree of social and peer pressure to not be a virgin (sexual or relationship-wise) after one reaches a certain age. However, in many other parts of the world, it's not so uncommon for a guy to be a relative relationship/sexual novice beyond the age of 30. I don't think you're so "alone" in this.

So, if you're truly ok with your current situation, and you're not hurting anyone, who's to tell you that you're a freak? But if somehow you're not ok with your current situation, then it's time to change it.
Yes I live in the West and just one of my friends knows I'm still a virgin. He's basically the only one I can trust with these personal topics.

I'm not bothered such as 'OMG what's wrong with me? Get me a date?!', but I've searched some similar threads around here and people always seemed bothered by their situation.

Of course I won't lie. In a perfect world I would have a nice wife and at least one kid (I would really like children). In the real world we should know our personality, our boundaries and our coping skills. So that's why I'm single.
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Old 11-20-2011, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 92,430,992 times
Reputation: 40033
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virijat View Post
The problem is, you're forgetting the drawbacks. Not everyone feels fantastic everyday and available to support other people. People have moods and resentments.

I remember when one of my parents had a bad day the other always managed to make it worse.

At least I'm sure nobody is being unhappy because of me or vice-versa. My dog is a rather good companion and doesn't complain.
You are certainly free to let your fears rule your life and make all kinds of excuses like those above to justify your choices.

But again, that just makes me sad for you.
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Old 11-20-2011, 03:41 PM
 
4,964 posts, read 5,214,954 times
Reputation: 3671
Im near the same boat at 32 while i do kinda want a relationship for self preservation ive become apathetic to it instead of being depressed and wantign to kill myself..

Besides most relaitonshis dont worry out,half of marriages dont work out plus the other ones that stay together and arent that happy..

I dont buy people who say being in a relationship/ married is the end all be all..
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Old 11-20-2011, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Türkiye
499 posts, read 822,940 times
Reputation: 379
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virijat View Post
I'm not certainly not asexual, I surely visit XXX sites with a certain frequency.
you have money, you like XXX sites and you don't have any sexual experience. i think you should marry a porn actress
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