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Old 11-21-2011, 04:46 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
2,102 posts, read 4,101,859 times
Reputation: 2718

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
If the OP doesn't want intimacy, doesn't want sex with anyone and is OK with that, who are we to belittle him or say he has to have this experience?
I think the reason that several posters (myself included) are frustrated with the OP is constantly contradicting himself. In several of his posts, he's stated that he is attracted to women (he likes porn) and would like to be in a relationship, but then when people offer advice for him in this thread (he indicated that he wanted advice), he ignores it and acts like there's nothing wrong with him.
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Old 11-21-2011, 06:42 PM
 
5,447 posts, read 6,971,508 times
Reputation: 4596
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
Well. That's not the best way to look at it. You need relationship experience to be able to handle an average woman. You need to know how to talk to her, make advances towards her, and what to do in bed if you get that far. Otherwise, you are counting on a woman to lead you the whole way. In your situation, the odds of that happening are small.

CDubs is taking for granted all of his experience, but he doesn't realize that its building him into a man that is better suited to find himself a better relationship.

I'm trying to figure out if you're a real person or a clever poster who has decided to have some fun by creating an online persona.

I really do find it hard to believe that an otherwise normal, social person could be so blase about never having sex or relationships at your age. Like I said before, the pressures are enormous.
True...but then, some ppl are also completely immune to peer pressure, and could care less what anyone else thinks about them Perhaps OP is one of these brave souls?
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Old 11-21-2011, 09:45 PM
 
8,012 posts, read 7,155,413 times
Reputation: 12100
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virijat View Post
Hi all, I've been following these boards for some time know.

Like the title says, I'm a 35 year old guy and I'm still a virgin. I never kissed a woman before as well and certainly never had a girlfriend.

Throughout my teens and university years I was always too focused on my studies because I had a hard time getting my degree. My social life suffered a lot thanks fo this, but I would got out once in a while, had my fair share of booze but my contacts with women were always very shallow. A nice chat and a few smiles at most.

Most of my friends at the time were going through so many rough things with their girlfriends that I thought it was better to stay away from the whole scenario.

Apart from this, I never saw myself as good looking and I'm prety much average on the rest: intelligence, personality etc. If any woman ever had an interest in me she certainly never showed it.

After university came work and the first years were pure madness, I worked like 11 hours a day. I used to put extra hours for others because 'I was young and single', so I had time.

I'm 35 now and I'm pretty much settled in my life. I have my own house, two cars and go abroad as much as possible. I usually come home tired at the end of the day, I have a rough play with my dog, try some stuff from Nigella Lawson's books or simply go to sleep if I feel like to.

And I keep being the best man at a number of weddings. At weekends, since I don't have many single friends left, there's not much of a social life. I usually put my time into the book I'm writing.

I'd like to have children but when I think better I would be an awful father and I couldn't bring someone to suffer in this world. I don't want to be like my father, who had major anger issues (I've inherited that unfortunately) and should have never got married or had children. Only my mother knows what she went through with him.

Unless I lose my job, my life path is very much defined. Is it normal NOT to bother about this? Am I a freak specimen?
You're beginning to compare your life to that of your friends which isn't surprising. However, it also seems that your happy being single. It's never smart to make a huge decision about your life based on what others are doing and thinking because if that decision isn't what you want then you will be even more miserable then before.

What many of the people responding to this thread fail to realize is that some people simply can't handle intimacy and relationships. Even those people that can't deal with intimacy fail to realize this and they rush into relationships for all the wrong reasons as they are not willing to do what it takes to maintain a relationship. These people end up hurting not only themselves but those who they're with simply because they are not honest with themselves.

You said you're hesitant to have kids because you are not sure you would be a great dad. Well at least you're actually putting some thought into it and recognize how serious it is to have kids. Unlike those that breed and see their offspring as an after thought or a government paycheck or neglect them altogether.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I didn't say you are "obsessed" with nice things.

I just said nice things can't replace PEOPLE, love, relationships when it comes to the quality of a life

Sure, sometimes people you love will frustrate you, upset you, maybe even hurt you , but love and good companionship are worth the risk.

Because it's equally true that the people you love can fill you in ways you can't even imagine right now. Take you to heights of sublime joy, give your own life meaning it never had before.

Nothing ventured, NOTHING gained.
It's not worth it for everyone.
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Old 11-21-2011, 10:05 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
14,188 posts, read 27,034,942 times
Reputation: 27434
Marriage, relationships, kids and family aren't for everyone. I say you should be whatever and whoever you are to the very best of your ability.

You seem to be a lot like my H. He is a wonderful man and I will always love him. I also pity him. He was/is unable to be loving and affectionate. He always comes off as cold and aloof. On the outside looking in. Never part of the group.

He was a product of his environment. His mother ran the roost and cheated on his father. His father was always the victim. But he was also cold and aloof. H's brother cared only for women he could abuse, not physically, but emotionally.

I hope being alone for the rest of your life is really OK with you. If it's not, you need to start figuring out why you are the way you are. There is a reason and it's probably something you don't want to face.
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Old 11-21-2011, 11:08 PM
 
Location: Heartland Florida
9,324 posts, read 24,731,460 times
Reputation: 4969
I would think that a person who is interested in porn would want to experience it for himself. As an asexual I can watch porn and fall asleep. It is just like watching slides from childhood family vacations. It is certainly not normal to have a desire for women and not act on it. Perhaps it is selfishness, wanting the sex but not the relationship. Why buy the cow, just get the milk for free.

My problem is different, I have always showed concern for others, and a desire to help others succeed. Because I have no sex drive, it is impossible to have a girlfriend/wife. Oh and believe it or not my testosterone levels are just fine. Me being an over 40 virgin was expected, but in your case it is baffling.
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Old 11-22-2011, 12:36 PM
 
842 posts, read 1,172,009 times
Reputation: 711
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I didn't say you are "obsessed" with nice things.

I just said nice things can't replace PEOPLE, love, relationships when it comes to the quality of a life

Sure, sometimes people you love will frustrate you, upset you, maybe even hurt you , but love and good companionship are worth the risk.

Because it's equally true that the people you love can fill you in ways you can't even imagine right now. Take you to heights of sublime joy, give your own life meaning it never had before.

Nothing ventured, NOTHING gained.
I always liked to have things very planned and under control. Unfortunately relationships are the further away you can get from that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by passionatearts View Post
I think the reason that several posters (myself included) are frustrated with the OP is constantly contradicting himself. In several of his posts, he's stated that he is attracted to women (he likes porn) and would like to be in a relationship, but then when people offer advice for him in this thread (he indicated that he wanted advice), he ignores it and acts like there's nothing wrong with him.
Just because I want children doesn't mean I will or should have them. I don't ignore the advice, I just find it hard something will happen after all this time and I doubt I would cope with it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
True...but then, some ppl are also completely immune to peer pressure, and could care less what anyone else thinks about them Perhaps OP is one of these brave souls?
Just because I'm okay with my situation right know doesn't mean it has always been that way. I was very self conscious of my situation in my late teens/early 20s. But then more important things always got me busy and I went through it all.

In my 20s I didn't need to ask if I was a freak, I surely felt like one.
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Old 11-22-2011, 03:03 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 92,430,992 times
Reputation: 40033
Well, you've got all your fears justified and are determined to do what you're going to do to avoid living your life to the fullest, so carry on.

Time to move along...nothing else to see (or say) here folks
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Old 11-22-2011, 03:11 PM
 
376 posts, read 585,084 times
Reputation: 398
must be asexual, suffer from love shyness, or you're probably gay.
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Old 11-22-2011, 03:23 PM
 
58,043 posts, read 50,559,748 times
Reputation: 17779
I'm in a similar fix. I'm 25, never had a girlfriend, I am a virgin. The being a virgin part, I'll keep it until I'm married. It's part of my faith. The not having a girlfriend part that kind of bothers me now. I actually want to be loved. I have talked to some people. There is one guy who has given me sort of the "alpha male" speech, claiming that I'm too nice and that a person can tell I'm a virgin just by looking. I don't know how that is possible.
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Old 11-22-2011, 03:32 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 92,430,992 times
Reputation: 40033
Quote:
Originally Posted by green_mariner View Post
I'm in a similar fix. I'm 25, never had a girlfriend, I am a virgin. The being a virgin part, I'll keep it until I'm married. It's part of my faith. The not having a girlfriend part that kind of bothers me now. I actually want to be loved. I have talked to some people. There is one guy who has given me sort of the "alpha male" speech, claiming that I'm too nice and that a person can tell I'm a virgin just by looking. I don't know how that is possible.
The difference between you and our OP is, you admit you WANT a woman in your life

Try not to be too bothered by not having a girlfriend yet - you're still plenty young enough to meet someone.

And remember, when you want something badly enough you find a way to make it happen. So keep working on figuring this out! Maybe even consider in investing in a few sessions with a life coach to get you on the right track to attract more woman to you
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