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So was it just me or do we as women lose our sex drive after a baby?
It's been a few years since I had my last one but I definately can relate to my friends who just had babies. They are sleep deprived, carrying extra weight, adjusting to this new little bundle of joy (sometimes its a very exhausting crying bundle of joy but nontheless),they now have more financial worries, ect....
Sometimes you forget you even have a husband let alone want to actully sleep with him for fear of getting another little bundle of joy too soon.
What to do? What did you do? How do you have a baby while maintaining your relationship? I could never figure it out. For those who made it a success, tell us how it's done.
Set a date night, get a babysitter and hotel room, and bring condoms and lube.
Of course your sex life isn't going to be exactly the same as it was before kids, but for the sake of your relationship you should at least put in some effort to find time for each other.
In the end, we didn't make it work. But that had nothing to do with the kids, I am quite sure. Now, my kids are 15 and 17 and my sex drive is through the roof. But I suppose that could be my age, 38 next month.
I can only give you one bit of advice that my mother gave me when I had my kids...this is coming to you from someone who is now married almost 35 years.
"It was the two of you before it was the four of you and someday it will be the two of you again and not always about the kids. Always make time for each other."
They have been married for 62 years. She is a pretty smart lady.
When the kids were small and we were really broke and dealing with a sick child for two years we still made an effort...even if it was just lighting the candles after the kids went to bed to share a bologna sandwich or whatever, make every moment count between you two whether you want to or not. It takes effort sometimes but when you put no effort into anything worth it it becomes just that in the end.
My kids are now 29 and 32 and my husband and I still have the time of our lives and it is about us again. There is nothing wrong with putting your needs out there as a couple..the kids need to see that Mom and Dad adore each other. (most days...lol)
So light those candles at least once every couple of weeks and curl up to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich shut off the tv turn on the music...unplug the phone and the computer and spend some time with each other and during those couple of hours don't talk about the kids talk about each other. It's not always about the sex.
If you see him come into the room and he doesn't see you surprise him with a hug or a kiss and hopefully he does the same. It makes anyone feel special.
Don't ever forget what made you fall in love with each other and what that felt like.
You make time to do other things that are important to you, so you should always make time for your spouse, if the two of you are not happy, the entire family eventually is not going to be happy. I remember when mine were very young, baby and 2 year old, when they napped, or went down to sleep at night, that's when we got our time in, even if it was a quickie. Was I tired? Yes, a lot of the times I was, but I got up to take care of my baby when I was tired, I cleaned my house when I was tired, I went to work tired. I'm not going to neglect one of the most important things in my life just because I'm tired.
Like crazy said, it was you two in the beginning and it will be you two in the end.
And I also believe children seeing parents in love with each other, kissing and hugging is good for them and their upbringing (not sex, lol). Children learn how to form relationships by seeing how their parents treat one another.
So was it just me or do we as women lose our sex drive after a baby?
It's been a few years since I had my last one but I definately can relate to my friends who just had babies. They are sleep deprived, carrying extra weight, adjusting to this new little bundle of joy (sometimes its a very exhausting crying bundle of joy but nontheless),they now have more financial worries, ect....
Sometimes you forget you even have a husband let alone want to actully sleep with him for fear of getting another little bundle of joy too soon.
What to do? What did you do? How do you have a baby while maintaining your relationship? I could never figure it out. For those who made it a success, tell us how it's done.
While it's so common for most women to be feel what you feel in the year after giving birth, you have to be really careful not to let this go on and on to become the new normal in your home.
Because once you've let this become the new normal you are leaving yourself vulnerable to many marital woes, including a potential cheating husband.
While sex may be the furthest thing from your mind, you have to remind yourself it IS on your husband's mind. And ignoring him sexually is not only wrong, it's plain unfair.
You may not be "into it" as you start, but most times you can get into it as things progress
So, set some dates on the calender, yes - plan it out ahead of time, and then be like Nike - Just Do It
Oh I have it back now. But I remember after both of my children I lost it for a good 6 months. As I've been talking with other women I've notivced that it seems to be a pretty common issue for new mothers. The good thing is that it doesn't seem to last long. I agree that dating is very important to keep the connection strong.
Oh I have it back now. But I remember after both of my children I lost it for a good 6 months. As I've been talking with other women I've notivced that it seems to be a pretty common issue for new mothers. The good thing is that it doesn't seem to last long. I agree that dating is very important to keep the connection strong.
Glad to know you're back on track
It IS really common for new moms to be too exhausted and overwhelmed dealing with their babies to even think about sex, much less have the energy for it.
I'm just saying that's okay for a while - but a smart woman doesn't let it become a habit
It IS really common for new moms to be too exhausted and overwhelmed dealing with their babies to even think about sex, much less have the energy for it.
I'm just saying that's okay for a while - but a smart woman doesn't let it become a habit
It was Definately one of the hardest things about becoming a mother. I think sex became more of a chore than enjoyment. I don't think I felt back to normal until I got my baby weight off, which took about 6 very long months.
This thread is more of a message for new moms. There is hope for a very enjoyable sex life again after a baby. It's a huge life adjustment that surprised me in many ways. I always had a desire for sex before I became pregnant and then while pregnant my sex drive went through the roof! Then after the baby, nothing. Like I said it was stalled for a good six months, I thought it might never come back. But lo and behold I got it back, I ended my marriage lol (unrelated of course) but got my desire back with much more passion. It's amazing how much better sex is when you're with a compatible partner.
New dads can help new moms as well. Make her feel beautiful, she just had your baby
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