Getting a near peaceful divorce, wife having MLC, need some advice on some areas

[Sharks With Lasers]

Originally Posted by TheEarthBeneathMe

Wow - Everybody go back and re-read the OP, particularly -

"I'm a very strong person and fair. Direct and honest. smart. I give what i get back and value details and reasons in an argument. when pushed or crossed, i can be cold, spiteful, vengeful, and give out a verbal lashing. I'm not a physical person at all unless i have to be. I kinda live my life very balanced but if the line is crossed, then anything goes. I'm very protective of my kids, only trust people who prove they can be around them or watch them. I don't like when people take advantage of my kindness or strengths. Very passionite to the things in life i truely value and work hard at. Insults don't really bother me, it all depends who it's coming from. If it's a pure enemy, I will attack without mercy usually. It's not easy for me to play jesus and let things go and forgive my enemies."

Holy cr*p - is this honestly how you describe your personality? Are combative phrases like "pure enemies" truly necessary in order to describe your personality? Do you think it's a bit odd that so much of your "personality" is filled with violent descriptors?

That's a giant red flag for me, and based on your logical reasoning within these posts (such as the idea to send the email..) - I don't trust you to be in charge of drawing where "the line" gets crossed.

This thread isn't about a woman cheating on a poor husband - it's about a woman leaving an abuser. I've been on this site for awhile, and this is one of the more frightening threads I've read..

I'd say that while the description of the OP is frightening, the description of the OP's wife is equally as frightening.

Hopefully both parties can be mature about it and put the kids' interests first. But I'm not sure how optimistic it looks.

[funymann]

Originally Posted by Vanilla Wafer

thanks for all the replies. all of your insight has been honest and has shown a sensible approach to things.

to fill in some details,

my wife probably has gotten attention from someone else due to the lack of affection. i just couldn't do it anymore since the kid's college money theft. it really left me hurt and sour. i can't just have sex, i need to have a strong bond with a person. it wasn't there anymore. i could have initiated the divorce but was committed to the marriage's success even if it took time. people change for the better as much as they change for the worse. i was willing to wait for that chance. i also felt i always repsonded to what she did or said whether it was good or bad. either way she usually made problems. she made her choices to put herself in more trouble with me as i made the choice to not stoop to her levels. i some ways i can't blame her, it's the route the marriage took. if i was as insecure as she was, i would probably be the one having the affair. she went with the safe bet friend replacement to give her the attention. while i took care of the kids. i'm kinda proud of that. i always knew i was a good a father.
she could have had a nice divorce with me but all the extra stuff has made it harder. i would have liked to raise our kids as friends instead of me not wanting to acknowledge her. i shouldn't have to give anything to her and whomever else chose to disrespect me.

you all are right about me writing an exposing email to her and also emailing the boyfriend, it wouldn't make sense if i was chosing to move on. someone actually noticed alot of hypocrisy within my post.
i wasn't planning on doing it until everything was settled between us because i didn't want to disrupt the agreement. so within that time, things may change within me. i do have alot of anger towards her and him. alot has left but i don't like when people get one on me. i'll get what i want but i want her to be a better person as she moves on. if my kids are with her half the time, i would like her to be a better mother and to do that, she needs to change alot of herways and character traits.

do people like this ever show guilt? do they ever feel they have messed up and hurt people? when does it happen? when does the lies stop? do they really ever look at themselves in the mirror? where's the karma?
do my kids continue to get a mother who has fallen from grace?

i'm only after my wife being a super mom. everything else i can do without. i truely feel she needs a huge kick in the ass to see who she really is.


as for my kids stolen college $$$.... given to them by her father, checks were in their names, account was in their names. she obviously had control of the account and could withdraw from it. i was thinking of bringing it up in the mediation so i can secure half of it and watch over it on my end for the kids. i don't have to sign any contract until i'm satisfied right?

also, i can put into the contract that i do not want anyone to supervise my children unless i approve of it correct?

The bold is where you went wrong.

You have to put on your filter and only accept what is necessary. Filter out all the rubbish that is flinging out of that woman's mouth.

Keep your mouth shut and respond in kind.

[SD4020]

Walk away with lessons learned. It was doomed from the get go.